I worked,
Spent time with a girl,
I got her a book about being an atheist.  I can’t even spell the word.
We had coffee (I’ve had too much)
We talked deeply. I enjoy her company.
I felt strange, attracted yet distance.
Awkward but chatty. Comfortable yet aware of myself.
I lead her around town,
I grazed at woolworths a little,
We had free tea at T2.
I came home and studied. Bidding her a confident good day.
Tomorrow work calls again.
Jobs done for the day,
I went for a short jog to clear my head.
I visited my sister where we talked life.
Explaining that I think i’m crazy,
and that they too are crazy.

Dad’s word. Crazy.
He is a patient man.
Mum is crazy.
My brother, sensible, strange and sadly crazy.
My sister, crazed at times.

Odd.

I jumped into a strangers garden and picked 5 big green apples.
I ate them all on my way home.
Then I had tea.
Work tomorrow morning,
I sent texts to Declan and Kaito my two greatest friends.
I talked to Mitch recently, he looks well.

The world keeps on spinning,
I need rest to be admirable.
New sheets on the bed, costume for tomorrow is organised.
Practice exam might be a thing.
I will wear nice socks I think.

Jolly good.

The month of legs has started interestingly enough.
Started with an arms workout, work, coffee, getting caught int the rain and buying windscreen wipers.
I said to a stranger I didn’t have a girlfriend but if I did i’d buy her flowers.
It was received in a way that I dismissed, I wondered why i’d bothered speaking.
Work is good.
I had a bath tonight, and ate pumpkin soup. Early to bed.
I though it was Tuesday. But it’s monday.

Anyway. Exams, yay I have 1 more day than I thought I did. Haha.
So LEGS. This months obsession.
I will read google, wikipedia, anatomy, bone structure, focus, massage, moisurise, only wear shorts, exercise, get educated, show off and perve… On legs.
Stay tuned baby cows!

All the strange,
The weird and funny thoughts.
The effort we do and don’t take to pin them down.
We don’t surprise ourselves near enough.
Our student mentality, to write down our thoughts.

What we plan,
This ideas we tussle with,
That guide us through our days.

Our “needs”.
Small tasks, that just lay around until we complete them.
I need to change my bedsheets.
I’d like to ask out this girl.
I should eat less, demonstrate more control.
I could be smarter, I could easily study for this exam.
Bed! More sleep.
My nails need a trim.
I need to check that homebrew.
I need more shorts.
I should call centrelink.
Dentist aren’t cheap.
Maybe private health.
I should draw more.
I need to call Tim for his birthday.
What drugs do I need to buy this winter?
I want to go on an expedition, clear my head.
I need to make some plans,
Did I submit that English?
How can I help Kyia?
I need to watch some movie submissions.
I’d like to get some more sun.
I should check the gutters, its raining on the corrugated iron and it sounds great.
I wish I had more testosterone.
I feel like I’ve lost an edge.
Some of my friends don’t really put in that much effort.
I need to spend my time more wisely.
I should decorate my room.
I need to moisturise more.
Should I grow a beard?
My haircut is horrible.
That chocolate and vegemite isn’t that bad.
There are so many places in the world!
So many people and languages. Should I go to France? Would that be smart?
Travs birthday in a month, will I drink?
How is my home brew going now.
I need to drive more.
I need to do some situps.
I want to go to my one month of free yoga.
Books! Why aren’t I reading, I need to read more.
Game of Thrones has gone down the toilet.
I went to an old person’s house, they have no taste.
I looked at their shelves,
Reading some recipes for eggs.
Their ugly Australian children on the walls.
What’s wrong with me?
Judging.
I want a tarpaulin sleeping bag. Waterproof.
A car,
In Europe.
Care free
Chase the summer
Meet beautiful people,
Seem interesting.
Dig life more.
Think harder,
Deeper.

Work and test myself.
The hook nosed man, skinny, standing on an iced over lake.
The hole cut in the ice, a line thrown in.
Surviving off the land. Easy. Food is everywhere.
Shelter. A toothbrush. Fuel for the car. A passion.
Music. – should learn.
The cello is so, so beautiful.

The skinny man is a spy. He poisons the king.
Their wine, drip.. drip. The entire council killed.
The chase is on. He is canny, cunning and battle hardened.
Wiry, he was trusted. Picking his moment. He dashes.

I taste salt in my mouth. Chamomile, vanilla, blood.
Infusion.

Eggs, toasted rice crackers and cheese.
A jog.
Icecream in the rain
“PH-ish” Patrick Hall exhibition. (Amazing)

Talked to KJ.
got free icecream.
Talked to cousin Sam
Was highly motivated.
Planned on driving and seeing the football.
Plans changed.
Stayed home,
Ate a great lunch.

Kyia messaged me.
Exams soon.
Work timetable is big.

Had a shower,
My sister sticks her hair to the wall instead of letting it go down to fester in the plug grate. So it hangs there, defying gravity looking strange and disgusting. I dare not bring it up. I dare not care.

I thought for next months look I could wear yellow beanies and grow a neck beard.
That would be a laugh.
But I think i’ll focus next month on LEGS. Winter and the the puffy jacket.
Warmth is paramount, towards our surviving anyway; it is important.
So i’ll fight that. See if I get sick. See if I manage.
JUST SHORTS. Cut up some pants, focus on my legs and other people’s.

Today I went to the italian pantry in north hobart.
There was a blonde lady with a really great bum.
What do you say.
A funny ol’day.

Ate cashews.
Drank a lot of coffee.
Went for a walk and talk.
Stopped, listened at a Korean church.
Bought detergent.
Bought ginger beer at the end of the earth.
Saw a few beautiful girls.
Remained focussed on my hangout.
Talked about philosophy.
Saw a guy vomit in a bag and eat three cheeseburgers.

Etre Avoir. Was a documentary.
The snow.
I drove, my car needs new windscreen wiper blades.
And a service.
Laughter as an altered state.
Laugh and forget.
-The science behind this fact.
Group think.
Religions.
Watching other people,
Being a hypocrite.

Face, clothes, shoes game.
Ultra perception.
transport; bus and train
islands without deception.

Cold night.
Monday top of 8.
New month, new me.
yellow beanie
Neck beard.
Shorts ONLY?

Tomorrow plans; get it all done.
Dad leaves Sunday.
Triple heilux.
Cricket bat chat.

Young child memory.
Head through glass.
Locked my room,
with a dinosaur head.

How far I have come.
Fallen?
Stepped up.

Communication
ADDRESS
understanding

Expectations.
understanding
reply

Shame/
/ASHAMED

What I expected
Wasn’t what I got.

People walking out,
Rap. Conspiracy.
Murder, soda and tired.

A fat lesbian,
I sexy blonde, talking fluid.
A elderly man, describing his sex.
His wife a librarian,
Relations like a trap door,
Like shrapnel.

He painted himself in my mind,
Drinking wine, drawn to the spoken word.

I skyped Mitch, I was still tired.
Experiencing abdominal pains.
Tired.
I saw Emma, her poem was great.
I saw Hugo. He’s doing well.
Alex Lynch moved into their place.
Life. Continues

Sleep you are my god.
I am being stupid.
I should sleep,
I used to enjoy mornings.
With this winter has come my night owl.
I have work to do. Tomorrow it’s due. 2pm.
I can do it. 500 words,
finish work at 10.30.
I can do it. No problem.
I should just sleep. I hope there are no issues.

Today I was stressed.
I punched out a French exam,
I was great.
Then I got in a strange head space.
I should have rewarded myself.
I was all up and about it.

Dad came home,
didn’t help.
I needed my own space,
we didn’t communicate well.
I had a small attack.
It was horrible.
Now i’m ok.
I feel sick
I feel fat faced.
My mouth hurts,
Ulcered.
The bags under my eyes,
the thoughts I think,
My toes are cold,
My computer battery is low.
I feel rushed, I-
feel let down.
I worry.
Exams,
Due dates, MONEY,
wants, needs, warmth.
Sex, company.

I want to be strange.
I want to be desirable.
I want too much?
I feel pressure.
There are things that do matter,
But they don’t matter at all.
I’m confused.
I am adrift.
Lost, wasting.
Shy, scared, ashamed.

I am the jester. I make jokes.
Laughter,
become unhinged.
Speak your mind, ask questions in earnest.
Be jive.
Dance, wiggle, surprise people.
Surprise yourself.
WORK DAMN YOU.

Come out sun.
Come out moon.
Don’t collide.
I need you both,
But first:
I need to be smart.

Stress,
No stress.
Test tomorrow.
Exams in over a week.
New job.
Exhaustion.
Luminescent glows yesterday.
Clear night tonight.

So tired I today I cried.
Wasn’t able to communicate.
Was irritable.
Brain not functioning.

Watched 2 episodes of True Detective.
“Not bad”

Humiliation – Don’t spend your life ashamed.

Has the human form of thought changed all that much since Plato?
Have we peaked? Can we peek further down the corridor of our existence?

Humility – Stand humbled.

When is it that we’ll move past learning and discussing ethics.
ETHICS.

The diverse, changing, group think&feel.
A fundamentally flawed brand of questions.
Posit away.

First year.
“What is ethics.”
Where are you at.
“Nature Nurture.”
You expect us to come up with answers?

Get up to speed kids!
These failures will drive you onwards to find answers.

Is any of it ethical?

Constructive procrastination today.

Found four dollars on the ground.

Went out Friday night, tried to stay in be all Saturday and failed.
Thought about becoming a spy full time.

Bought tea,
Bought coffee,
Drove around,
Did homework.
LIFE huh.

If we are the dreams of god.
And acknowledge that sometimes we are not his focus.
That some things ‘just don’t make sense’,
Indeed, anything is possible.
We have down time.
There are times when our minds feel like they aren’t our own.
If we are the reverb.
What we do,
What we’ve done,
We have done before and will do again.
Our expectant future,
Our creation, creativity, ideas and actions.
Then comes the destruction, simplification, original form.
The idealised. The end, marking a new beginning.
Curtains.

Colours, understanding, expectation.
Shapes, conversations, looks.
Forces, movement, acknowledgement.
We are the only witness to our own perception.
Dig it. Think big. Be it alone, be with friend or be in public.
Share if you feel the want.
Smile your burnt corn smile.
Spit venom and excite reaction.
Whistle or bleed. Laugh or cry.
Share or hide. Choose your way.

If we are dreams, we are guided.
Don’t try to make sense of them,
We are free, until we are called.
You and I may share a moment, concentrate.
What is the point?
Why do I exist?
Should I be so specific?
What is our purpose, as humanity?
How can we make our dreams a reality.
Can be become our own god?
Will we all survive if we keep birthing new life into our world?
The energy created from these beating hearts, is it strong enough?
Do we have the fuel to think and manifest our ideas.

As a people what is our goal.
What is more important?
The individual or the whole?
Which question is more easily answered?
Can we collectively come to a conclusion?
How do we find our voice?
VOICE.

The importance of voice.
Is the word voice different to “to be”.
We have a voice, and we have actions.
And from those we try to dictate lives of others, and our own.

VOICE and ACTIONS: To Be.
These are my thoughts,
I’ve written them down for safe keeping.
Read them aloud, or act them out.

Find you.
Gather fuel.
Dig your perspective
Share if you please
Dream your dreams.
Live the dream.

I am blessed if I can witness.
Come and preach.
I am your rock.