Unsent letter

Upon reflection, I should have arranged and paid for the car to be serviced in June immediately after my road trip. If I’d lent you the car in better condition, it would have been less of a burden. I left the maintenance and upkeep for you – all the boring and expensive parts of owning a car – these should not have been your responsibility, and I was not clear in writing what needed to be done. As it stands, I received the car in poorly condition – perhaps only a little worse than the state in which I left it with you. Had it been serviced again (instead of for the first time) in November, these current circumstances may have been avoided. Stranded in Deloraine, with a car that overheated to the point of critical failure. I have only myself to blame for leaving it in your care, whilst needing attention. I have learned a valuable lesson today.

Loaded

While many of these ‘wins’ are operational in nature, these should be seen as a testament to my attitude and ability to collaborate; and not viewed as limitation of skills or attributes.  While I have worked diligently and coordinated with various departments and divisions, planning and executing a variety of tasks simultaneously, I feel that my skills and expertise should be put to use and to greater effect.

Shmarketing

Skills in market segmentation (knowing your audience), and reviewing what works (being honest and self-aware) are vital components of the marketing ecosystem. Information sessions that consider attendance, monthly website google analytics reviews, and the tracking of engagement (through clicks) with different media blasts, at different times, ensure a feedback loop which ensures our student cohort are aware of the opportunities we work hard to deliver.

Poem for her

Times to cherish and prize

Trying to take my time each day, yet still sand passes – in its regular way. Dunes pile up and then vanish from sight, paying no heed to darkness nor to light. It’s Wednesday then Sunday in a blink of an eye. Where an orange sun sets in an unknown sky. No treaty is in place with the passing of the hour. It moves without a trace, like the sprouting of a flower. So when I hold your hand, and I close my eyes. Don’t misread my tears, my love, these times to cherish and prize.

Bags

There’s something very nice about the baggajj bumping onto the conveyor belt. Like a waterfall, or a stream, gently thudding down and into place. Badly jumbled together bags, fitting oddly, un-tessellated outside, packaged up, bursting with clothes and all manner of odds and sods. Varying degrees of importance, patiently revolving until finally claimed by a jet lagged owner with a grunt and a sigh. Packages packed, luggage to be lugged.

Where

Where has the woo gone? And where is my willpower? Will it happen? The future is options, thoughts in form, and you decide what you will do. I am here for you to think with, to talk out your options. Will it, list it, think it, do it, go, strongly. Hold together; fight tooth and nail. Rest. Release, repeat. Relax, roar with the fight of today. Eating good frail meals on your bed. Waiting to die. Wishing the courage to be free of hurt, of trauma, of prejudice. Curiosity, comfort, a clear mind. Be courageous wherever you are. Travel, explore – fight for what you believe is right and don’t sit back and wonder. Leap into it with both feet.

Am I a bad communicator?

What do you need me to be? Silent, patient, restless, antagonistic, annoyed. If you are having an attack. If you are knocking over glasses. If you are speaking quickly and asking me to do things for you. If you are suggesting, malevolent – with false intent – I see you for who you are. I will leave you. I will abandon you and let you flatten yourself. Goodnight. Goodbye. Goodluck you fucking phoney. full of poison, sad and lonely. Sucking from your familiar teats of teenage success. May your gardens fail and your paths meet dead unexpected ends. Trip on your tail, lose your things and become unruly. I have made a poor choice in your company. But I will learn from this and I will hold it against us like a rubber tire in the dock. You shan’t scratch my hull. Rocked gently to sleep. Little bo peep has lost her sheep and the game is up. Cheating and haunted. Talkative tells, bad smells and god awful luck. I wish this day was over. I wished long before your unruly interjection and fancy my chances at dejected rejection. Toes of infection. Bad choices, sick voices, posh nosh awash at what cost. Don’t self proclaim, vain insane, brain, headaches and flames. Burning horrid in my helpful hope. I mope, ungrateful fateful plateful of gates full of meadows with wood, brick, wheat, stone and sheep.

Little Bo Peep – strange drunk creep.

Early night in the last week of London Town.

I should have done my research.

I should have made some healthy, helpful, wistful demands.

Sucking up silent, gets you nothing.

Strong will, part way. Drain yourself of needs. Get an early night. Be happy, be better tomorrow.

This is my life advice for myself. Chelsea vs Arsenal. Cliche, clutch, thankyou very much. Basic.

Money in,

Money out. Try your best and bay above your average.

Savages.

The grandeur effect

I have an invasive thought relating to legacy. What are the long term effects of this life I’m living? What is my role? Bonding people. Bringing them together. Keeping them alive. Is that my legacy? My purpose? I feel like I’m afraid of divining my own path. Spending time alone and doing something worthwhile for myself. That takes time, and forethought.

Your line of inquiry

How do you feel about contemporary indian tapas?

“Perfect! We’ll actually I don’t feel perfect about it. That’s ridiculous. I feel like I could eat it and it will be a new experience. Tapas is not traditionally Indian per se. So I feel confused and excited, and hopeful. Thanks for asking”.

It’s really good I promise but if you’d rather go more traditional there’s other good places… There’s one that does haggis pakora.

“Nonono, not at all, I really want to go. What gets me is when people ask ‘how do you I feel about […]’ I usually go blank. It’s like an immediate recoil for thoughtful/truthful answers because it’s an easy question to ask, and easy to answer quickly (in theory) but emotions, indeed ‘feelings’ are robust and deserve consideration – as with the initial step when formulating a question.”