Eggs, toasted rice crackers and cheese.
A jog.
Icecream in the rain
“PH-ish” Patrick Hall exhibition. (Amazing)

Talked to KJ.
got free icecream.
Talked to cousin Sam
Was highly motivated.
Planned on driving and seeing the football.
Plans changed.
Stayed home,
Ate a great lunch.

Kyia messaged me.
Exams soon.
Work timetable is big.

Had a shower,
My sister sticks her hair to the wall instead of letting it go down to fester in the plug grate. So it hangs there, defying gravity looking strange and disgusting. I dare not bring it up. I dare not care.

I thought for next months look I could wear yellow beanies and grow a neck beard.
That would be a laugh.
But I think i’ll focus next month on LEGS. Winter and the the puffy jacket.
Warmth is paramount, towards our surviving anyway; it is important.
So i’ll fight that. See if I get sick. See if I manage.
JUST SHORTS. Cut up some pants, focus on my legs and other people’s.

Today I went to the italian pantry in north hobart.
There was a blonde lady with a really great bum.
What do you say.
A funny ol’day.

Ate cashews.
Drank a lot of coffee.
Went for a walk and talk.
Stopped, listened at a Korean church.
Bought detergent.
Bought ginger beer at the end of the earth.
Saw a few beautiful girls.
Remained focussed on my hangout.
Talked about philosophy.
Saw a guy vomit in a bag and eat three cheeseburgers.

Etre Avoir. Was a documentary.
The snow.
I drove, my car needs new windscreen wiper blades.
And a service.
Laughter as an altered state.
Laugh and forget.
-The science behind this fact.
Group think.
Religions.
Watching other people,
Being a hypocrite.

Face, clothes, shoes game.
Ultra perception.
transport; bus and train
islands without deception.

Cold night.
Monday top of 8.
New month, new me.
yellow beanie
Neck beard.
Shorts ONLY?

Tomorrow plans; get it all done.
Dad leaves Sunday.
Triple heilux.
Cricket bat chat.

Young child memory.
Head through glass.
Locked my room,
with a dinosaur head.

How far I have come.
Fallen?
Stepped up.

Communication
ADDRESS
understanding

Expectations.
understanding
reply

Shame/
/ASHAMED

What I expected
Wasn’t what I got.

People walking out,
Rap. Conspiracy.
Murder, soda and tired.

A fat lesbian,
I sexy blonde, talking fluid.
A elderly man, describing his sex.
His wife a librarian,
Relations like a trap door,
Like shrapnel.

He painted himself in my mind,
Drinking wine, drawn to the spoken word.

I skyped Mitch, I was still tired.
Experiencing abdominal pains.
Tired.
I saw Emma, her poem was great.
I saw Hugo. He’s doing well.
Alex Lynch moved into their place.
Life. Continues

Sleep you are my god.
I am being stupid.
I should sleep,
I used to enjoy mornings.
With this winter has come my night owl.
I have work to do. Tomorrow it’s due. 2pm.
I can do it. 500 words,
finish work at 10.30.
I can do it. No problem.
I should just sleep. I hope there are no issues.

Today I was stressed.
I punched out a French exam,
I was great.
Then I got in a strange head space.
I should have rewarded myself.
I was all up and about it.

Dad came home,
didn’t help.
I needed my own space,
we didn’t communicate well.
I had a small attack.
It was horrible.
Now i’m ok.
I feel sick
I feel fat faced.
My mouth hurts,
Ulcered.
The bags under my eyes,
the thoughts I think,
My toes are cold,
My computer battery is low.
I feel rushed, I-
feel let down.
I worry.
Exams,
Due dates, MONEY,
wants, needs, warmth.
Sex, company.

I want to be strange.
I want to be desirable.
I want too much?
I feel pressure.
There are things that do matter,
But they don’t matter at all.
I’m confused.
I am adrift.
Lost, wasting.
Shy, scared, ashamed.

I am the jester. I make jokes.
Laughter,
become unhinged.
Speak your mind, ask questions in earnest.
Be jive.
Dance, wiggle, surprise people.
Surprise yourself.
WORK DAMN YOU.

Come out sun.
Come out moon.
Don’t collide.
I need you both,
But first:
I need to be smart.

Stress,
No stress.
Test tomorrow.
Exams in over a week.
New job.
Exhaustion.
Luminescent glows yesterday.
Clear night tonight.

So tired I today I cried.
Wasn’t able to communicate.
Was irritable.
Brain not functioning.

Watched 2 episodes of True Detective.
“Not bad”

Humiliation – Don’t spend your life ashamed.

Has the human form of thought changed all that much since Plato?
Have we peaked? Can we peek further down the corridor of our existence?

Humility – Stand humbled.

When is it that we’ll move past learning and discussing ethics.
ETHICS.

The diverse, changing, group think&feel.
A fundamentally flawed brand of questions.
Posit away.

First year.
“What is ethics.”
Where are you at.
“Nature Nurture.”
You expect us to come up with answers?

Get up to speed kids!
These failures will drive you onwards to find answers.

Is any of it ethical?

Constructive procrastination today.

Found four dollars on the ground.

Went out Friday night, tried to stay in be all Saturday and failed.
Thought about becoming a spy full time.

Bought tea,
Bought coffee,
Drove around,
Did homework.
LIFE huh.

If we are the dreams of god.
And acknowledge that sometimes we are not his focus.
That some things ‘just don’t make sense’,
Indeed, anything is possible.
We have down time.
There are times when our minds feel like they aren’t our own.
If we are the reverb.
What we do,
What we’ve done,
We have done before and will do again.
Our expectant future,
Our creation, creativity, ideas and actions.
Then comes the destruction, simplification, original form.
The idealised. The end, marking a new beginning.
Curtains.

Colours, understanding, expectation.
Shapes, conversations, looks.
Forces, movement, acknowledgement.
We are the only witness to our own perception.
Dig it. Think big. Be it alone, be with friend or be in public.
Share if you feel the want.
Smile your burnt corn smile.
Spit venom and excite reaction.
Whistle or bleed. Laugh or cry.
Share or hide. Choose your way.

If we are dreams, we are guided.
Don’t try to make sense of them,
We are free, until we are called.
You and I may share a moment, concentrate.
What is the point?
Why do I exist?
Should I be so specific?
What is our purpose, as humanity?
How can we make our dreams a reality.
Can be become our own god?
Will we all survive if we keep birthing new life into our world?
The energy created from these beating hearts, is it strong enough?
Do we have the fuel to think and manifest our ideas.

As a people what is our goal.
What is more important?
The individual or the whole?
Which question is more easily answered?
Can we collectively come to a conclusion?
How do we find our voice?
VOICE.

The importance of voice.
Is the word voice different to “to be”.
We have a voice, and we have actions.
And from those we try to dictate lives of others, and our own.

VOICE and ACTIONS: To Be.
These are my thoughts,
I’ve written them down for safe keeping.
Read them aloud, or act them out.

Find you.
Gather fuel.
Dig your perspective
Share if you please
Dream your dreams.
Live the dream.

I am blessed if I can witness.
Come and preach.
I am your rock.

Les canards.
I spoke. What do you expect.
We’re taught to expect from an early age.
As we are judged to a standard, expected of us.
The game.
The game begins and ends with you.
The war is on the surface,
But the struggle lies within.
Your thought,
switches and lightbulbs. cords. wiring. faulty. A short. Long twisting, like old phones.

Enigma.
Kiss me.
Talk at me, about me, around me, behind me.
Talk of your expectations.
Speak of what you bring.
Lay bare what you seek to achieve,
Bare your soul, say your piece.
Stand primal, bask in “YOU” as an afterthought.
Think vast thoughts, tell me of them.
I will nod. I will smile. I will try my very best.
To say nothing, you’re stage.

I stand witness; if that matters.
So be it.
Etre.

Man with never-ending bottle’o’beer found drinking in the shower.

Ate a whole box of chocolates yesterday,
I was depressed.
Ironic because the chocolates were for a friend and a family member of mine opened them before I had a chance to wrap them up. (I left them on the kitchen table).
“oh these aren’t my chockies… better eat them” That sort of mentality.
Not worth getting angry about I know.

Then I watched Burn After Reading, with Brad Pitt and Clooney.
Second worst film I have EVER seen. Those bastards.
Clooney especially, the nerve of that guy.
First Solaris, now Burn After Reading.
BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD.
If it wasn’t for Three Kings he’d be black listed. (what else has he done anyway?)
Sad older women, I think of your demi-group too often.
Like when I buy someone a birthday card or see the words “large caramel latte”.

Dear Di-ary,

You cried today.
Such a gentle-
and fragile spirit.

I remember something
Dec’s girlfriend said
“I haven’t time-
for your tears”

Such was her want
her will to say
Just as easily to walk away
Say nothing, lest be blunt

Why do we hurt those close to us
What drives us to such measures
The venom in our cuss
Spoken as if of our own pleasures.

The way we share,
Attention drawn here and there.
Point or speak or touch
Our demands, we demand so much.

You go on crying,
Continue on overlooked,
Contently scrying.
Go back to your book.

If i could
Shake you awake,
Alive! What good?
For heaven’s sake.
Quaking where we stood.

Blood of your blood
Depressed, you have made
How can I wipe away this mud
How can i sate this tragic fade.

Is your soul rotten?
I think not.
Chop, Chop, Chop.
The fire sparks to life.

Why are you depressed dear?
Steer us, what can be done?
The fire roars, cracks and sears.
Aye-me a son witness your life undone.
Just as your flood, wrenches for tears.

Wretched and aged.
This rut that has been built.
Looking inward, I gauged
The rot of one stilt.

The foundations they crumble,
Wash and tumble away on the tide
Souls cried a deep timbre, the rumble.
I want to leave, leave your side.

Away I float with other leaves.
On the surface of clear blue
Not there for your griefs
To leave with the coming wet
The seasons change
No time, for emotion, out of sight out of mind.
I feel better for it, to’ve left it behind.

Your age is a baggage,
but that’s not all.
You want to play games.
I stand alone in the kitchen.

You say cards or backgammon.
Chances of and for fun
I don’t want to play games ma-mon
You’ve been beaten enough.

Your loss is no gain to me,
Your victory no great thing.
The life you bring to be
Solemn is what I sing.

Soon I’ll be like you,
Soon soon soon.
Not for a while, true.
From the light of the sun, to the glow of the moon.

One pass.
Different and changed
Gauge what you will.
Will from your tears.

Find a future that is bright,
Internalised over years.
Give back to us our sight.
Blanket us from fears.

Night terrors,
Until day breaks.
Drying the lakes
Dead leaves and feathers.

This duck, duckling.
No longer stuck, or suckling.
Spreading wings,
Winds and tides brings.

Change.
No knees buckling.
Scaled legs, sun on the range
A new day.

We’ve made it.
Cant you see?
Trials, tribulations to highlight.
You aren’t a fish on a hook.

There’s more. So
Reside. Be cool.
Say what you will
Cry and cry.

It makes no difference.
Start a war, gain followers.
Be remembered.
“Its stupid” what did they all die for.
An idea. Talked about years later.
In a time where everyone talks
jests jokes, stares but not personably.
Is that worth crying for?
Do your knees buckle now?
Young dove? Your feathers ruffled.
Old duck, your passing is tragic.
But the beauty of that isn’t muffled of hid.
Dig it. That’s what I would bid.
You don’t like crowds? are you ashamed?
ASHAMED. There’s an idea.
I feel we’re a nation living in fear.
Not of terrorism, who has time for that?
We’re afraid to put ourselves out there.
Hiding under our hat.
We’re happy to stare, climbing out way up.
Growing, our tails wagging like some kind of pup.

Dogs.