Sleep

Sleep you are my god.
I am being stupid.
I should sleep,
I used to enjoy mornings.
With this winter has come my night owl.
I have work to do. Tomorrow it’s due. 2pm.
I can do it. 500 words,
finish work at 10.30.
I can do it. No problem.
I should just sleep. I hope there are no issues.

Today I was stressed.
I punched out a French exam,
I was great.
Then I got in a strange head space.
I should have rewarded myself.
I was all up and about it.

Dad came home,
didn’t help.
I needed my own space,
we didn’t communicate well.
I had a small attack.
It was horrible.
Now i’m ok.
I feel sick
I feel fat faced.
My mouth hurts,
Ulcered.
The bags under my eyes,
the thoughts I think,
My toes are cold,
My computer battery is low.
I feel rushed, I-
feel let down.
I worry.
Exams,
Due dates, MONEY,
wants, needs, warmth.
Sex, company.

I want to be strange.
I want to be desirable.
I want too much?
I feel pressure.
There are things that do matter,
But they don’t matter at all.
I’m confused.
I am adrift.
Lost, wasting.
Shy, scared, ashamed.

I am the jester. I make jokes.
Laughter,
become unhinged.
Speak your mind, ask questions in earnest.
Be jive.
Dance, wiggle, surprise people.
Surprise yourself.
WORK DAMN YOU.

Come out sun.
Come out moon.
Don’t collide.
I need you both,
But first:
I need to be smart.

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