Sleep you are my god.
I am being stupid.
I should sleep,
I used to enjoy mornings.
With this winter has come my night owl.
I have work to do. Tomorrow it’s due. 2pm.
I can do it. 500 words,
finish work at 10.30.
I can do it. No problem.
I should just sleep. I hope there are no issues.

Today I was stressed.
I punched out a French exam,
I was great.
Then I got in a strange head space.
I should have rewarded myself.
I was all up and about it.

Dad came home,
didn’t help.
I needed my own space,
we didn’t communicate well.
I had a small attack.
It was horrible.
Now i’m ok.
I feel sick
I feel fat faced.
My mouth hurts,
The bags under my eyes,
the thoughts I think,
My toes are cold,
My computer battery is low.
I feel rushed, I-
feel let down.
I worry.
Due dates, MONEY,
wants, needs, warmth.
Sex, company.

I want to be strange.
I want to be desirable.
I want too much?
I feel pressure.
There are things that do matter,
But they don’t matter at all.
I’m confused.
I am adrift.
Lost, wasting.
Shy, scared, ashamed.

I am the jester. I make jokes.
become unhinged.
Speak your mind, ask questions in earnest.
Be jive.
Dance, wiggle, surprise people.
Surprise yourself.

Come out sun.
Come out moon.
Don’t collide.
I need you both,
But first:
I need to be smart.

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