Happy Mondays! I need a rest.
Still feeling a bit strung out, but I submitted some homework.
Just keep knocking ’em out they say.
Had a good chat to Declan last night,
Went for a walk in the rain. The world is beautiful when its dusk, raining and the lights come on.

I had a great chat to John Armstrong, a philosopher that comes into the cafe that I work at.
He’s an intellectual and I enjoy the challenge of being verbose and succinct with the things I say.

He said “you can’t be philosophizing all the time”. I think that’s amazing.
I looked up the word savant. “idiot savant” is something tied in very closely with that idea it seems.
Basically autistic people having a focus. Its funny imagine that you could just be a savant.
Like what would it take to be that focussed. What kind of sacrifices would you need to make.
It’s an interesting thought. Physical health, hygiene, social, academic, “time”.

“we’re all just killing time”. Wax philosophy with comedians.
What is that. Why is that so appealing to me? Its not true knowledge, it’s spoken, its malleable, it makes you laugh and smile, it makes you think, it creates an image/event/idea in your mind and you just go with it. You adjust your view, to suit or contrast and then you laugh.

I love my idea that laughing is an altered state of consciousness.
I love the idea that people function on different levels.
There is a common level,
Its human to try and organize life. To make it structured, like a house, or a skyscraper, or a dungeon.
But indeed, we are a meticulous race. We anticipate what will happen later today. I will have dinner with friends.
If you submit to that thinking, are there people that can expect other things to happen?
What’s the difference between having a plan, regardless of all other happenings on earth and playing chess.

I think I will start playing chess again. Maybe i’ll ask Edward, last time we played he beat me twice. Cunning fucker.
So do some people operate on a higher level than others? Yes/No?

I mean, (and this is what I’m talking about) ask me on another day I will say yes.
“WHAT IS A HIGHER LEVEL MAN”. Classic me.
Moody? Fuck off.
hahahaahahah

Back to the point. Your brain is a muscle. Some people are more muscle-y than others. But what about technique?
This is the jock’s approach to understanding the brain. Classic.
Now i’ll explain the offside trap in football and relate it back to how a good defense is better than a good offense in both soccer, life and chess and as such all you have to do it be meticulously existentialist, a silent savant and you cannot possibly lose. You might draw though. 0-0. Nobody wants to watch that game.

No drinking on a school night kids. I’d like a glass of red, maybe i’ll treat myself. Its been a hard day of study.

Patrick Out!

The weekend has passed.
I’ve started jogging again.

I need to read “great expectations”
I feel that is a magical word.

Feminism work due tomorrow.
Acid all gone.

Feeling a bit strung out.
Made myself better with food.

Ate half a cake,
Lots of potato.

Tomorrow I will hopefully feel strong.
Called Declan, saw Wil and Phil.

A wasted afternoon.
Which is to say,

Walked, talked and felt sick.
One good day of study tomorrow –

Will get me back on track.
My Knee might start playing up.

I have a driving test later in the week.
Need to fill out those forms.

Birthday is over. XXIV!
I feel like there is a lot for me still to do.

Shannon is coming down,
I need to organise end of the year trip.

It will all come together – don’t you worry about that.
Happy Happy times.

…Oh

I meet your blank stare with silence.
You’re choices, schizophrenia?
Where is the sensible compliance?
Chaos theory; racked with fear.

Tired, napped, worked, ran and wasted.
My day plodded by,
I think Sophie and her boyfriend are on the rocks.
The people in this computer lab are playing bingo.

BINGO. 15/08/1991.
It snowed for my birthday. I was late.
My aunt crashed her mum’s car.

I treated myself. Too much coffee,
The internet went down.
I got my results back for accounting, fuck I can’t believe that I did so poorly.
How not to teach  course. Thanks you pricks.

I set up a massage,
i’ve been jogging.
Angry young man.
Nobody around me.
Radio silence. I don’t know what I want.
But not this.
Feminism article to write. Every Friday I do this. What the fuck…

I should have gone to bed at 9.
I just thought i’d treat myself, you know.
Moron. 24 years, and you’ve learnt nothing.
Congratulations. Nobody cares. Life is a jelly bean left out in the sun.
Irony Irony Irony Irony.

Is the fact that you’re out of your mind-
not yourself. Drunk, trying to be edgy.
obnoxious. Noxious, smoking.
Light that cigarette, let it burn like the candle.
Each one added, a removal, a year past.

IS IT:
Could it possibly be,
That you’re absence.
Half the time,
Engaged in your fantasy land.
Best avoided.
So when you are yourself,
its special! Hilarious!
We have to make the most of these moments.
Not especially enlightened.

THIS
revelation. When are you worth my time?
Mother!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mother issues.
Where does the issue lie?
With society?
If you can be sustained.

Ah, a green reading of my life.
Is alcoholism sustainable?
What if you get famous after you die.
DICKHEAD.

There’s a wonder of the social consciousness.

I got a tear
Deep in my ear

And then from fear
Grabbing what was near

I told my dear
To get the shear

And so she cleft
and took my left!

I shook my head
Out loud I said!

“That just cant be”
“twas in my right”

“Can you not see?!”
“But She’d no sight!”

I’d taken those eyes
Stopping the raining skies

That’s it to now;
The tear, and how.

Opposed to rolling in the deep
I weep, emotion tumbles bare.
Through eyelids these tears seep
To crash face down, into a heap.

The sand is dry,
Cry. And cry on your tears.
Years on, now and always why;
Haven’t you recovered Di?

Feeling raw, fell and stripped bare.
Bear of the sand
Turned about; here and there.
Hear of the day, by day – nightmare.

I cannot control you
My heart erupts with hurt.
Tumbling tumult, I curse you.
Days are just a few.

Life’s too short
I’ve been cordial too long.
Losing things is a lifelong sport.
Existence’s sorry sort.

The wind and changes;
No sands for time.
Overblown the ranges,
The danger of my rages.

Sand hill appears,
Overnight bear tracks-
Come and go like fears.
The wind and the sand-
Hide everything.

Sensory
Overload
Pinch; Pain
Embrace
Hurt?
Love it
Overkill
Be Content
Satisfaction sought
Pop your eyeballs
Squeeze
Veins pulse
Your Inner ear-
ripples and thrums
Red, purple
Breath held
Dark around the sides
Be present
You’re going to pass out.
Taste blood

The sinusoid wave.
Reverb’-
Until white.
White!
White wave
Wash over

“Oh”
O…
O!!!
Open your mouth
You’ve found it.
All is glory.

First thing to break the silence,
Imagine, perfection
Sense is made,
everything lived,
Laughter.

Wake
Wait
Think.

I don’t really know what it is,
With pork.
I’m not hugely affectionate to the animal.
The taste, ‘fatty’? Its disgusting.
I could miss it out entirely.
Crackling? Foul!
Who comes up with this stuff.

Today was a bad day, brain had a major knot in it.
I don’t know what’s up, it’s pretty frustrating,
No coffee or tea maybe.
Flatlined.

Need to buy tickets to Asta.
I could do that now.
UGH. I’m sick.

Blue and grey.
That was my day
I know i’m not
here to stay

I guess that means.
It was the genes.
I’ll head now, away
To where sun gleams.

Hadrahan!
You pesemistic cunt.
That spelling taboo
The prejudice.
Jaundice.
No dice. Die!
See me, See me for what I am.
Morphing into a the bubbling babbling wreck.
Babel, and able
Unable, Babe’ll be the first
To be eaten!
On this ARK.
Invite Joan, she’ll be our woman.
Piss on that thought. Wreck it. Can I waste that paper harder?
More? Blacken that white card.
Yes. Gossip with me
Tell me rambling stories, open up.
LAUGH HYSTERICALLY.
FREAK.
totally. freak me out.
Freeeeek me the fuck out.
Your giant mouth consumes me, does my fear remain?
That passing moment. Passed out. Passed up.
The past. Said, Say, See-Saw. Sunk.
My ship. SHIT. ThING SITH THIS FUCKING DYSLEXIC.
What is that. My belief. These labels. These words.
Say them enough they mean NOTHING.
Overandoverandover until it’s just fuck.
Silence.
Seth Van Hyster, Spelt that last bit wrong.
Names and bullshit. A power over somone. You may as well meet grabage,
Disgusting. Is it highly organised?
Phil Gale, “yeah that’s where they put a wale if it washes up on the beach”
Where/// THE FUCK. Does that come from?
I thought I said strange stuff. Everyone else just sat their, big kids.
Learned to not say anything,
Don’t presume, Don’t share. Just eat,
“JUST KISS HER” Fuck you, are you fucking kidding me.
And here I am, hypocritical. Devestated.
But that’s human right? WRONG. Who gives a fuck.
Didactive? Didactic? What does that even mean.
Piss off word. Get out of my mind.
Dots, Dashes. Code. Moarse. MoRSE.
Black and white until.
yes and no. No and yes. Cycles, circles.
Origin and return.
Beginning and end.
Change aparrent? Control?
The future? The big back up.
The earth a diamond.
Our existence.
Existentialism; everyone is aparrently.
Because everyone is capeable of suicide.
Deep thoughts, that make you smile.
Or cry.
Just look at your shoes and wonder why everything’s not perfect.
Where is the remedy.
I need perfume for this situation.
We all sense something is wrong.
Where is my bliss. I need DR WHO.
That episode where we all become junkies.
Time travel. Wild thought.
Lets all go back in time and get eaten by dinosaurs.
Go uninvent the wheel?
I mean what do you do.
Go back, make advancements? Change history? WHO THOUGHT UP THIS SHIT.
It’s brilliant.
The colour of our shit, Brown.
Smelly, disgusting. Somehow hilarious. Toilet humour.
OUR. OU.
America, USA. Do me a favour. Favor flavour. Spelling!
Australian english.  Need to do a better fucking job.
Maybe if our education system was better, life would be better.
Learning how to be happy.
How to share.  THe tip smells from composte. Breaking down.
Is everything there in piles?

Placebo, help me. Make it better. Take the pain away.
Do I want to live longer? As in much longer. Is that my challenge?
What can I take to make me live longer.
Imagine that cocktail.
Picking blueberries.
Stained mouth. Flies everywhere. Protein
Yes that government investment. Get yourself some grilled salted fly wings.
SO FUCKING SUSTAINABLE.
Who the fuck was that business prick predicting shit.
“THE GOOGLES, THE FACEBOOKS”. fuck that guy.
Grow the potplant..
I’m stuck between that belief, intensive education.
Books. LIVRE LIVRE.
I CANT UNDERSTAND. I’m not an A student.
So what does learning a language show.
Imagine if I could do it.
MONMAMES!
I could, I could go there.
FRIDGE. I need spotify.
I’m cold.
What the fuckin heck is going on with my diet.
Meal times. Not enough sleep. Working too much.
But you have to, you need money. Right? OR should I just be a scumbag.
What is that. Just not taking a wallet anywhere. THIN
Grow thin, become a cornflake. Turn yellow with cigarettes you pick up off the ground you jackkerrouac long list of things as they just pop into your mind and describe describe let your brain go I wonder what you were like. I mean look  you just spouted genius turn ALL CAPS bullshit. You hippified your shit, didnt eat, lived beat that’s cool. You didn’t casanova for shit you died early. Could you have smiled more? You wrote so much. I dont even know if you were inspired. How where the drugs back then? What do you? When you moved home, saved. WhoWHATWHENWHEREWHYHOW? Your french? The pastries? I looked that Up. I read your book, yours and Paul Kelly’s you guys are great.
I think that I would like to replicate all the goodness you guys bring to the world.
I don’t know how much that is I”m afraid to meet my idols.
I’m scared of being Australian.
I’m worries about global warming.
I wish I was rich so I could build a bunker.
Can we stop using takeaway cups? Surely something is being destroyed there.
Maybe I should go plant some trees/
TREEATS!
How can I do something worthwhile.
Who gives a fuck if you think i’m crazy. Women i’ve met in Australia have let me down.
I let myself down. Maybe my problems are inside, i just feel bored. Rubbing against the sandpaper of society.
I chafe.
I wish for release.
I am ATLAS. Let me turn the world on its head.
Now i’m a juggler!
My KNEES ARE FINE. I will run, energetic again.
a balancing act. I want a hug.
My birthday approaches.
That miracle Karl El’ described.
This life. In your hands. Beautiful.

tt

s s

t

-isms!
What you do to forget,

occupy time.
A big part of you, where you don’t have to think.
Labelling time.
How do you escape from your emotions?
Jogging? Eating? Fighting? Drinking?
Do these things then envelope your emotions?

Imagine the productivity you could enjoy if only you poured your emotions into.
Where do these emotions come from? Living? Your heart?
Pour your heart into something.
Don’t think about your day job. Don’t think about your bread-job.

Don’t let people play games with you,
toy with your heart or your head.
Guard your mind. Fortify,
feel strong and resilient to your foundations.
Be a log on the water.
Roll with the waves, be jaunted and shunted
feel no shame, point any direction.
Does it matter if sometimes you get wet?
No tears, petrify; never break down.

We talked gossip tonight,
We spoke of emotional blackmail.
I wish we went out with Callum that would have been a laugh.
Explicitly; I trust you.

Maybe tonight was a little too much vanilla and not enough chocolate.
But that’s ok.
I’m tired, but not tired of you.
I’ve had a great time.