Bianca Payne.
Enviable.
Organised. Something humanity does.
The proactive human condition. Co-ordinating movements and information.
She’s something else. She is number one for me. On the podium.
I admire so many things about her. Her drive, attitude and good nature.
Today was splendid.
Wayyy la-much sunshine.
Exhaustion.

Saw Bec.
Had black coffee.
Had a fresh OJ.

Saw Ben.
Talked opportunites.
Talked knees.

What is it with people showing phone videos?
What is it with snapchat, pictures?

Who wants to know?
Who cares?

Where is your poetic licence?
Where is the story telling, picture painting, all encompassing, moment capturing?

I shared my time saving idea.
I lost my words, but explained how humanity marks improvements.

Reading about modernism and the marked changes that have happened throughout its time period.

Is postmodernism just consumerism?

Is the grouping of these movements/marked changes just the human conditions furthermore organising and grouping? Like calling a group of people flappers or hipsters or scene kids or whatever?

Modernism, politics of sex and gender, modern living! Cars & Communication are updated. An observation of the human condition; undergoing great change. But time is continuous. What’s changed? Are we SO modern? That we become ‘post’ that. Post-modernity. Therefore, we can look back. Can we look inwards?

Can we look at ourselves in a glass case?
What does faulkner suggest? What does the dead woman represent? What do words mean? Are words inherently poetic? Does art offer an opportunity to represent a thing, that then changes either through word attachment and therefore change what the word means/ our own understanding?

Freud. Subconcious word association = WILD.
Read some heavingly heavy stuff today. Gotta reboot.

Wrote out the invitations for the party!
Gotta study more, and organise exchange and such. ZUG ZUG.

Tinder. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Hung out with friends today in the sun.
Watched “The World’s End”. Simon Pegg, Nick Frost. Classic.
A little to think about. Dramatic change in movie style mid-way through.

Work this week,
See Bec Hart.
Hopefully catch up with Bianca Payne.
Gotta crunch out some Uni. My god I do.
Had the best kick in the sun today.
One touch game, Volley Game, 3 v 3.
Good times. Ate some fruit.
Bought some reisling and figs and cheese and almonds and dates.
lavish.
Played Cambio with Wil, Sol, Jaz. It was great.
Lots to think about and look forward to.
Positive headspace.

Where would I begin with you?
I hold you at arms length.
I cannot break down those doors.

Remembering when I kissed you,
-now you text me asking what more.
Its all changed, the calls different.
There is no longing, i’m content,

Most of the time, i’m happy.
Peaceful, pleasant to think quietly –
or otherwise, in the bustling.
Thinking my own thoughts.

Forced or fluid. Giving looks,
judging, applying what I see, think, hear and feel.
I wonder if fucking makes you stupid.
The stories, sicken me.
Contact, irrational.

You touch your leg, are you anxious?
I feel like it weirds me out a little.
There are others, I’m objectified.
I wonder what you say in your mind.
I give you blank stare, I spread gaze over you,
Not cool, not calculated or confident.
I am null. Inert. I do not add or subtract
I do exist, but I merely reside.
Why must I crack ice? I am not warm nor cool.
Though your fallen exterior smarts at my lack of movement.
Must I be the friction that melts all?
Should my breath be the warm air,
The addition that melts your heart.

Fuck.

I ride, I put in the effort.
I take on sugar, I ruin myself.
I worry, and miss what I should truly be doing.
I should be selfish. I am. Aren’t I?
Is this a tug of war?
Why cant I win?
Why is there this personality,
Does my persona change.
What are my clothes saying.
Their meaning: tonight.

I need to shower.
To rest, to get better.
I want love.
To sit cross legged, watch the pools of your eyes.
As you breathe in and out
As you dehydrate under the bright sun.
Your eyes twinkle and your minds turns.
Intricate or heavy handed. Thoughts in form.
Formed and spat, spouted, posited, mulled, chewwed,
regurgitated, torn, misaligned.
Share with me. Everything.
As your voice talks,
Your mind becomes unplugged and you reveal your turmoil and your bias and the conflict.
Within.
Show me.
Sit with me and share,

And in doing so. Love me.
And I will love you.
Us. Shared

A gent today referred to girl I know, she’s a little bit of an air-head. “You can’t put brains in monuments”.
That’s a great line I think.

I gotta buy some ghost drops!

Friar Tuck; “Dry old fuck” haircut style.

The past is the past.
Physical / Remembered / Idealised.
Is exercise pointless?
Does this cause fluctuations in the present?
What are the direct outcomes, globally.

Recent past vs distant past.
All builds
Your story.
Relevance, recountable?
As things grow older.

Becoming less important?

Types of communication:
Questions
Suggestions
Greetings
Farewells
Answers
Propositions
Jokes
Noise
Phone calls*
Verbal
Non-verbal

Do you think the water poured from a recently boiled kettle sounds different to water poured from the same kettle, but the water HASN’T been boiled. Can you HEAR boiled water? What changes?

People’s impatience! Seeking gratification because of social needs, aspected to higher standards set in the past? E.G: World Records. Rippling through the “now”. Calling people from the car, cramming your day. Hardly being present. Prioritising. Just consuming, moving, spinning, swirling. Eating, drinking a whirlwind of washing and wanting. Waiting is wasting. Waste from each of us a splinter in need of a cure. Aggravated, we continue. Like time stringent sea monkeys. Junkies for action. Need for stimulation. Pointless, thoughtless forms. Wanting, but what. Shall we talk about it? How do you communicate? Choose your path.

Full day of work tomorrow.
I’ve pushed through a lot lot worse.
I don’t even know why i’m building it up.
Maybe just to procrastinate.
Perhaps to highlight the fact that its a choice.
And it should be a hard choice.
I should struggle.
There were other plans made.
I put others on the back burner.
My gains are mundane.
Fiscal.
I have homework. It’s due tomorrow at mid-day.
Tonight I will study,
Write,
Proof,
Finish.
Tomorrow will be a day of work.
Loads of coffee.
Perspiration.
Inspiration, to know that I could have passed up that opportunity.
But chose otherwise.
I will achieve greatly tomorrow in my own right.
Cramming as much into the day.
Not feeling tired or lazy for choosing.
I will be strong. I will be ok.

Work,
Life,
Doing it all.
Has worn me thin.
Moth eaten.
Jaded? Faded.
Raided.
Pillaged and plundered.
Bed now.
In a rose bush of thoughts about my future.
Collapsing,
Clogged.
Please hush.
Outside and inside.
Blank! Go blank!
Mind the blank.
The step between here and the platform of rest.
Rest eternal.
Life is getting you ready for spending a long time like this.

Find someone I can plague.
When I find them.
To bounce off.

Shut up!

Your brain fills in the blanks.
Like, you look at the clouds. And you see pizza.
Is it supreme or meatlovers?

What does Pious mean?

Dentist recommend replacing your toothrush every 8-10 weeks.
What we meant to say was.
“Become a dentist; they can affort a new toothbrush every day”

“You have no idea what the fuck these guys are doing in there or why it costs so much”

I wonder what you’ll be like when you’re 50 Patrick.

Isn’t it funny when you catch yourself lying.

“I feel dinner, eating should be a crechendo. Like,if you eat a bit then stop you forget the true taste. What it was and could have been, but if you just keep piling it in, the muddle of food grows and grows and then STOP, its over” beautiful.
Sol Foster’s Jack Kerrouac-esque style. A postmodernist interpretation of food consumption. One-long-connected-experience. The waking consciousness, the scroll of dinner.
And to finish, like a dessert. This sweet pun.
Indeed, it was a scroll. Jack Kerrouac be proud.
Did that guy have a degree in english? (I wonder out loud).

I need to look up chaos theory.
“Philosophising”

Anything you say is either offensive or defensive and may be interpreted so.
-say nothing, see what people say to you. What do they want.
Stick to your one point, like a politition. Additions are further ammunition to misunderstanding and miscommunication.

When you think of noteworthy achievements. You think of singular people. But the greatest achievements come from groups.
Is it possible to wield a group of people without being placed upon a pedestal above them? Kings/masters/slaves/workers.
Utopia? Democracy? Philosopher kings…

Time doesn’t function in straight lines?
Why do we infer straight lines?
As we remember back we start from the beginning through to the end.
We recount. Past to present. Present to past. Recent to old.
Important to unimportant.
Are we all just killing time?
Is that a scary thought?
People are control.
Look out over the city, where does everyone need to be? In cars…
In the street walking. Time is being spent.
Why do I see waves. Why do you blink and only occasionally feel present in the moment.
Are we free?
Is there chaos in being free? Does free mean, free and meaningless?
Does chaos, mean inhumane? Un-human. Lacking a thought process that enables you to fit in. To be controlled in your actions. Sensible?
Functioning. Part of the machine?
Part of the structure?
The operating system. The drive. The ongoing challenge for human improvement. The new records. The time spent by others achieving means humanity in the future has to work even harder; to find new and improved ways to occupy themselves. To live and say “this has not be done’ nor will ever be done again”.

Three chapters – Accounting.
As I lay Dying – Modernism English.
French Prac + Application
Work at 6. A Rock in the eye at 5am
And a haircut.

The attainment of money shouldn’t wear you out.
There are many things I need to do. But I feel flat.
I FEEL FLAT.
I AM WEARY.
TIRED TO MY BONES.
A nap?
Walk, Read, Nap.

Went to Zap tonight.
24 hour gym. Wrecked before bed.

Wondered about the anti-social/ unfriendly element.
The focus. The selfishness. The ego.
How I feel in such an environment.
Its interesting.
I wish everyone could go there and somehow have a good time.

Then I came home, ate some loaf that I made. Not perfectly cooked but ok.

Earl Grey and Rose combo is a work in progress. Re-infused =lovely, more rosey. So yeah better the second time round.

Think I might go the scullet in December.
Bald with curled or wirey sides. Get some supportive t-shirts.
“I am too bald, ’tis not of me she speaks”
“To Bald-ly go were no man has gone before”
“Bald-win”
“Bold or Bald?”
“Bald for a duck”
“Bald my eyes out”

I think it would be a good cause.
Maybe get some loud sunnies.