Sleep you are my god.
I am being stupid.
I should sleep,
I used to enjoy mornings.
With this winter has come my night owl.
I have work to do. Tomorrow it’s due. 2pm.
I can do it. 500 words,
finish work at 10.30.
I can do it. No problem.
I should just sleep. I hope there are no issues.

Today I was stressed.
I punched out a French exam,
I was great.
Then I got in a strange head space.
I should have rewarded myself.
I was all up and about it.

Dad came home,
didn’t help.
I needed my own space,
we didn’t communicate well.
I had a small attack.
It was horrible.
Now i’m ok.
I feel sick
I feel fat faced.
My mouth hurts,
Ulcered.
The bags under my eyes,
the thoughts I think,
My toes are cold,
My computer battery is low.
I feel rushed, I-
feel let down.
I worry.
Exams,
Due dates, MONEY,
wants, needs, warmth.
Sex, company.

I want to be strange.
I want to be desirable.
I want too much?
I feel pressure.
There are things that do matter,
But they don’t matter at all.
I’m confused.
I am adrift.
Lost, wasting.
Shy, scared, ashamed.

I am the jester. I make jokes.
Laughter,
become unhinged.
Speak your mind, ask questions in earnest.
Be jive.
Dance, wiggle, surprise people.
Surprise yourself.
WORK DAMN YOU.

Come out sun.
Come out moon.
Don’t collide.
I need you both,
But first:
I need to be smart.

Stress,
No stress.
Test tomorrow.
Exams in over a week.
New job.
Exhaustion.
Luminescent glows yesterday.
Clear night tonight.

So tired I today I cried.
Wasn’t able to communicate.
Was irritable.
Brain not functioning.

Watched 2 episodes of True Detective.
“Not bad”

Humiliation – Don’t spend your life ashamed.

Has the human form of thought changed all that much since Plato?
Have we peaked? Can we peek further down the corridor of our existence?

Humility – Stand humbled.

When is it that we’ll move past learning and discussing ethics.
ETHICS.

The diverse, changing, group think&feel.
A fundamentally flawed brand of questions.
Posit away.

First year.
“What is ethics.”
Where are you at.
“Nature Nurture.”
You expect us to come up with answers?

Get up to speed kids!
These failures will drive you onwards to find answers.

Is any of it ethical?

Constructive procrastination today.

Found four dollars on the ground.

Went out Friday night, tried to stay in be all Saturday and failed.
Thought about becoming a spy full time.

Bought tea,
Bought coffee,
Drove around,
Did homework.
LIFE huh.

If we are the dreams of god.
And acknowledge that sometimes we are not his focus.
That some things ‘just don’t make sense’,
Indeed, anything is possible.
We have down time.
There are times when our minds feel like they aren’t our own.
If we are the reverb.
What we do,
What we’ve done,
We have done before and will do again.
Our expectant future,
Our creation, creativity, ideas and actions.
Then comes the destruction, simplification, original form.
The idealised. The end, marking a new beginning.
Curtains.

Colours, understanding, expectation.
Shapes, conversations, looks.
Forces, movement, acknowledgement.
We are the only witness to our own perception.
Dig it. Think big. Be it alone, be with friend or be in public.
Share if you feel the want.
Smile your burnt corn smile.
Spit venom and excite reaction.
Whistle or bleed. Laugh or cry.
Share or hide. Choose your way.

If we are dreams, we are guided.
Don’t try to make sense of them,
We are free, until we are called.
You and I may share a moment, concentrate.
What is the point?
Why do I exist?
Should I be so specific?
What is our purpose, as humanity?
How can we make our dreams a reality.
Can be become our own god?
Will we all survive if we keep birthing new life into our world?
The energy created from these beating hearts, is it strong enough?
Do we have the fuel to think and manifest our ideas.

As a people what is our goal.
What is more important?
The individual or the whole?
Which question is more easily answered?
Can we collectively come to a conclusion?
How do we find our voice?
VOICE.

The importance of voice.
Is the word voice different to “to be”.
We have a voice, and we have actions.
And from those we try to dictate lives of others, and our own.

VOICE and ACTIONS: To Be.
These are my thoughts,
I’ve written them down for safe keeping.
Read them aloud, or act them out.

Find you.
Gather fuel.
Dig your perspective
Share if you please
Dream your dreams.
Live the dream.

I am blessed if I can witness.
Come and preach.
I am your rock.

Les canards.
I spoke. What do you expect.
We’re taught to expect from an early age.
As we are judged to a standard, expected of us.
The game.
The game begins and ends with you.
The war is on the surface,
But the struggle lies within.
Your thought,
switches and lightbulbs. cords. wiring. faulty. A short. Long twisting, like old phones.

Enigma.
Kiss me.
Talk at me, about me, around me, behind me.
Talk of your expectations.
Speak of what you bring.
Lay bare what you seek to achieve,
Bare your soul, say your piece.
Stand primal, bask in “YOU” as an afterthought.
Think vast thoughts, tell me of them.
I will nod. I will smile. I will try my very best.
To say nothing, you’re stage.

I stand witness; if that matters.
So be it.
Etre.

Man with never-ending bottle’o’beer found drinking in the shower.

Ate a whole box of chocolates yesterday,
I was depressed.
Ironic because the chocolates were for a friend and a family member of mine opened them before I had a chance to wrap them up. (I left them on the kitchen table).
“oh these aren’t my chockies… better eat them” That sort of mentality.
Not worth getting angry about I know.

Then I watched Burn After Reading, with Brad Pitt and Clooney.
Second worst film I have EVER seen. Those bastards.
Clooney especially, the nerve of that guy.
First Solaris, now Burn After Reading.
BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD.
If it wasn’t for Three Kings he’d be black listed. (what else has he done anyway?)
Sad older women, I think of your demi-group too often.
Like when I buy someone a birthday card or see the words “large caramel latte”.

Dear Di-ary,

You cried today.
Such a gentle-
and fragile spirit.

I remember something
Dec’s girlfriend said
“I haven’t time-
for your tears”

Such was her want
her will to say
Just as easily to walk away
Say nothing, lest be blunt

Why do we hurt those close to us
What drives us to such measures
The venom in our cuss
Spoken as if of our own pleasures.

The way we share,
Attention drawn here and there.
Point or speak or touch
Our demands, we demand so much.

You go on crying,
Continue on overlooked,
Contently scrying.
Go back to your book.

If i could
Shake you awake,
Alive! What good?
For heaven’s sake.
Quaking where we stood.

Blood of your blood
Depressed, you have made
How can I wipe away this mud
How can i sate this tragic fade.

Is your soul rotten?
I think not.
Chop, Chop, Chop.
The fire sparks to life.

Why are you depressed dear?
Steer us, what can be done?
The fire roars, cracks and sears.
Aye-me a son witness your life undone.
Just as your flood, wrenches for tears.

Wretched and aged.
This rut that has been built.
Looking inward, I gauged
The rot of one stilt.

The foundations they crumble,
Wash and tumble away on the tide
Souls cried a deep timbre, the rumble.
I want to leave, leave your side.

Away I float with other leaves.
On the surface of clear blue
Not there for your griefs
To leave with the coming wet
The seasons change
No time, for emotion, out of sight out of mind.
I feel better for it, to’ve left it behind.

Your age is a baggage,
but that’s not all.
You want to play games.
I stand alone in the kitchen.

You say cards or backgammon.
Chances of and for fun
I don’t want to play games ma-mon
You’ve been beaten enough.

Your loss is no gain to me,
Your victory no great thing.
The life you bring to be
Solemn is what I sing.

Soon I’ll be like you,
Soon soon soon.
Not for a while, true.
From the light of the sun, to the glow of the moon.

One pass.
Different and changed
Gauge what you will.
Will from your tears.

Find a future that is bright,
Internalised over years.
Give back to us our sight.
Blanket us from fears.

Night terrors,
Until day breaks.
Drying the lakes
Dead leaves and feathers.

This duck, duckling.
No longer stuck, or suckling.
Spreading wings,
Winds and tides brings.

Change.
No knees buckling.
Scaled legs, sun on the range
A new day.

We’ve made it.
Cant you see?
Trials, tribulations to highlight.
You aren’t a fish on a hook.

There’s more. So
Reside. Be cool.
Say what you will
Cry and cry.

It makes no difference.
Start a war, gain followers.
Be remembered.
“Its stupid” what did they all die for.
An idea. Talked about years later.
In a time where everyone talks
jests jokes, stares but not personably.
Is that worth crying for?
Do your knees buckle now?
Young dove? Your feathers ruffled.
Old duck, your passing is tragic.
But the beauty of that isn’t muffled of hid.
Dig it. That’s what I would bid.
You don’t like crowds? are you ashamed?
ASHAMED. There’s an idea.
I feel we’re a nation living in fear.
Not of terrorism, who has time for that?
We’re afraid to put ourselves out there.
Hiding under our hat.
We’re happy to stare, climbing out way up.
Growing, our tails wagging like some kind of pup.

Dogs.

Can vegans eat Oreos? I hear they can. That’s strange right, who cares.

Saw Alfred play the drums tonight, he was rude to me last time I saw him,
but my god can that cat play.

Stood behind an eccentric old lady, it was cold so I sat down. She was strange.
She rubbed her wrists and moves her hands.

The cellist looked like he was talking while he was playing:
Infact I believe he was, his own lyrics to the waltz they were playing,
he looked deranged.

Today I stood at a turning circle and watch all the types of people.
For they came to me, telling nothing but revealing much.

Could they apply their adult perspective to the mind of this child?
Would they see reason, the slow turn out?

Hold your breath. Drip
Body airtight, Splash
Don’t breathe. Gush
Lest you become-
the victim. Whoosh.
of a stabbing. Drip.
Don’t…
Don’t let the rain in.

“when you dribbled, you said don’t let Warrane in.”
I want you to know that.

There’s a poem somewhere there-
In the title.
Unfortunate then, that my brain-
has been shut since 2pm.

Went and saw the Uni Revue.
It gradually got better.

Meh

Jack and Jill didn’t go up the hill.
Forget that bucket of water.
This king takes his pale,
And holds the ace of silence.

Queens need not climb.
The numbers beneath them,
they may sit and count.
Lo, the scale of this bail.

Revision done.
La bouche!

Analogy today for
Passive – Assertive – Agressive.
Scissors – Paper – Rock

Sex based stereotype sit in the back of my mind. Sorry.

You may try to be agressive.
If they’re scissors, you might well win: with the right amount of effort.
If paper, you’re smothered. They’ll note down you’re an asshole as well.
If you’re both aggressive you may need to try another approach.

Ennuyeux?