Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes let’s.

Speaking in prose.
Take it away
Take it away
I burnt my tongue
No more taste for today.

I made flatwhite yesterday… Simple.
Just doing something simple like making coffee.
Not proper coffee.
-I watch that cunt recoil. Realise what he’s said. Backpeddle. Suddenly aware of himself, running his mouth. Being an idiot, unappreciative. Foolish.
“oh, blend 43. Nescafe”.
-Too late; you’ve hurt my feelings.
Why am I so tender. My exterior is unphased, but they pick up the organic hatred. My tendrils, my awareness, the recognition, though I don’t stop looking-ing onwards, past all of them.
Why did he say that.
His brain let him down. It let me down. He wasn’t thinking. Just running his mouth, we all do that.
So the sting, truly was something else. Something I was obviously feeling/thinking before that moment.
All these people, their lack of understanding and puss-appreciation has made me feel shallow, worthless and a gimmick. What is the point of what I’m doing, is it unique? Not so much. Does it make me feel alive? Or special? Not recently.
have I met new and exciting people. THe conversations stimulating. Nay.

Strange that it should be brought up in my life? (not really). Coffee is a common THING. here, there, everywhere. Stop bring so fucking precious.

What would you say to mum?
Stay with her?Cramp her style, the slimy introverted hermit.
The idiot genius.
Drinking? That’ll kill you. Spotted liver, Quincy jones won’t let that bubble of logic put a lid on this course [of logic]. The healthy roll of fat that I’ve earnt, earned from a lifestyle befitting my house. Charmed. Chin-ups occasionally. But rarely do I raise above the level. This truism stands for all. Out calling. The mantle of humanity, our humility. Him hum hum hummmmmmm. Me A Shingles. The thing, thong passed on. Fabric of speech is stretched and misunderstood. The lack of control Outside our ow, sometimes unfamiliar bodies. Movements uncontrolled. Whip that boy. Let me do up that button for you. The lack of precision in my nimble fingers. The gal ability- fallibility of it all! Spelling, fingers, vocab, auto-correct, send, undo, grammar, perfect speech and cover-station. Convo. For what? -The train story-
Caboose.
This is all your misunderstanding of my perfect.
PerfectWHAT!

Mum, your drinking will kill you.
Your mindset.
Does what you do, make you happy?
Will it make you live longer?
Do you fear the train, of thought?
Drink, smoke.
Fair is fair.
Whole some
Whole
Hole.

I just wanted to blow off steam.
Smoke coming out of my ears.
Chugga-chug-chug.

If looks could kill.
I’d look.
and look and look.

Dumb thought: The relationship you have with your parents can only be had by “you”.
Everyone is different.
-mind you (but) your insights are unique & different – child.

Only kids know how their parents truly are at home.

How can humanity be a final form.
Our minds, our vocabulary are limited. Our focus; incapable of numerous vasteties of the universe. (so you believe in the universe?) I believe in the stars!

What’s the benefit of leaving behind a mantle of success?
Is it possible in life to sow more than you reap?

So what? Sow life.
“All tattoos are the same”

Cab we all try to distinguish ourselves from eachother, please.
Explore our unique-ness. The niceties and our ignorances. *ignorences-spelling.

Don’t look dogs in the eye. It means you are threatening. Dominant.
With cats it means you are aware and submissive.
Weird.

Share your observations and truisms. Re-live your day babe.
Tell me what you did and saw, all your senses. IN FACT.
State them, as clearly or poetically as you can. I want to hear you say it; like it were true.
Are lies another reality?
Are your topic changes worthwhile?

Her vagina was cavernous.
Like throwing a tic-tac down a hallway.
Like dipping a biscuit in hot tea.
Like dropping a goldfish by the tail, into a pond.
“Boep-Boep”.

Its great that you can go to sleep in a bad mood and wake up feeling great.
Waking up, remembering something important and being resolute can be difficult.

A kiss, an offhand statement. What resonates can be anything.

After laughing-
Her to me: “People ask me why I like you”
Her to me: “And that was it. That moment”

What a strange comment I thought. Though, it was a compliment. The more I think about it the more self aware I became and the less I felt like that was a relationship scuttling thing to say. (I have an entire santa sack of those, but I hold others in higher regard).

Note: THEKETTLEISUNPLUGGED

Your vocab-
is telling.

Question: Does being a homosexual make you feel happy?

Thought: You can only take photos of the past.

Let the moment flow through you. Allow yourself a memory, don’t think about the past. Consider your actions and the influences that they will have but don’t get ensnared in your future. The fears and shackles that come with such things turn you ghostly.

DTF.

Down to fuck?
Drink to forget.

My mind has been crippled with societal thinking. Too broad. They make me sad.
Why must I entertain such ideas. Alas, Alack.
Tragic sentiment on my part. So much time shuffled, stored, sniped, spooned and squandered. How else? -I wonder.

Memory is a strange old thing.
Its the warden of your functioning mind and body.
You can’t feel all the pain you’ve ever felt. The body forgets, it heals, it carrys on. The mind, fickle, forgetful, wonderful.
Remember all the bad things you say… Remember all the good.
Laughing with hysterics constantly? What kind of life is that.
You’d wear out fast. Thank god for the rose tinted filter. The grey,
The black, the white, the chalkboard erased. Only the fait lines of yesterday much less yester-year. Faint faint faint.
Pass out. Zonk out. Don’t drudge up pld memories. Nobody is impressed. Your memory. Its the past. Passed by, endured. Learn if you can. Make new memories. It will get better. And soon other people will count on you.

Remember yesterday. Tell me tomorrow. Just how awkward it was.

Why would you do this to yourself?
Setting an example to others, as to what not to be.
We suppose you think you’re smart.
But can you keep it up? You’re killing yourself. But change is up to you.
And you alone. People want things from you. But yield not.
Why wont you change, for yourself. For how the image you surround yourself and others is a pit-fall. Filler with darkness and madness. I can’t understand. And so my anger rises. And the tendrils will whip, destroy and lash. They are a disiease. You are dying, and spreading. We are afraid.

Half a liver.
Swollen joints.
Hospital, detox.
The spark gone-
From sunken, tired or confused eyes.
Mumble your mumbo jumbo.
Nonsense! Strike you down.
These scars I will bear.
Because you, the love you’ve given; runs deepest.
How can I repay you. Why are you doing this to me.
Why won’t anyone talk about this.
I’m afraid.
I’m so angry.
Help.
Someone.
Help yourself.

Its obvious.
Mental health and its connection to physical health.
Fuel for a good life.
Consistent life.
A diet that changes.
A person that changes.
We are so so so
“sososososososo” – japan
Fickle. On the move,
something in the wings.
Changing.
For good and bad.

Everything is not alright.
Alcohol won’t numb the pain of that fact.
Pain is inevitable
Suffering is optional.

Encountering suffering will contribute to the elevation of your spiritual practice,
provided you are able to transform the calamity and misfortune into a (the) path.

Walk down that path.
The pain is but one of the many stones.
Its grit.
Its black ice.
Its a boulder for you to clamber over.
You walk above it.
Mind and body.
Travers your suffering.
Embrace the pain.

Avoid the snapshot of life.
You aren’t frozen.
Your will must endure,
Be resolute, and understand that once you have achieved you must continue to do so; otherwise become recumbent. Slack. Sloth. Slobbish.
Endure, stay strong, treat yourself.

Jon, Happy 29th. We’re growing old together aren’t we. “FURROUT!” Racing through life.
Let’s be, shall we.
Be happy.
Oui
See and Si.

What do you get Melbourne’s most eligible bachelor.
A balloon ride?

“But Mister! I wanted a red balloon” *pop*

Now for sushi with papa. Deep, dark discussions ahoy.

And then exchange. Organise! Plan plan PLAN.

Say what you mean.
If I didn’t want to talk to you about my girlfriend its because we were talking about other things.
You didn’t ask.
I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with you.
You don’t want to see me?
OK.

Yes, somewhat.
I feel like i’ve been ensnared into giving you lifts everywhere. That’s not gonna fly.
I shaved today in the shower.
Played catch with my sister.
Bought my brother a dressing gown.
Jogged.
Made Japanese style soup. 1raw egg. Delicious.

A guy put the fear on us: at the waterworks. Said we had to watch out for snakes. No shoes, walking through the bush. I get it. But he somehow totally brained Megan. “I hate snakes, i cant go on, this is a bad idea, i hate you seeing me like this, i’m too unfit to walk up hills, too uncoordinated to walk downhills” and on and on.

Organised a fair bit of stuff for the week up-comming.
State cinema @12:40.
Australia trip.
Exchange tomorrow.
All the pieces are falling into place.

I’ve been so negative recently.
My family have annoyed me, freaked me out, caused me to look inwardly and feel repulsed. How can I carve out a happy and healthy lifestyle when the others around me aren’t always happy. Can I be more selfish? Should I be. Should I run from everything like I see others doing? “Leave the nest” Paul Kelly said.
Why can’t I do things in moderation. Why is it that life is a continuous effort. Presentness isn’t a gift like it sounds. Exercise for all its occupation my life only fills me with joy momentarrily. I am an addict to the altered state. I know myself to be lazy. Where once I was more of a wreck. I feel in limbo. Letting others down, letting myself down, dealing and feeling my issues overwhelm me. My memory, my thoughts, the hypocrite inside me, strapped with TNT and blowing up my damned past. Fishing in the river that rushes fourth. My dark past. Angler fish. Light bulb! Bad ideas, emotional turmoil, good ideas, direction, wants, needs, words said by MY mouth, now void of meaning. Past.
Disaster. The smitherenes and smoke that solidify into who I am now. Blarkh!

Why was I feeling free, happy around Megan, now we’re going out i’m cautious, scared yo lose our friendship.
“What do you want from me, from this, from us”
-what have i been doing? Spending time with you. Thats IT, that’s all.
I need space, so much time spent. Strangle me. Tomb.

Formless
Gormless

Mouth furry with sugar- shall i revert? Eat, hide myself away, unsocialise myself. I feel i’m halfway there.
“What’s up” -nothing.
But my mum is diabetic and has seisures. So i’m not dealing with that all that great.
The family dynamic is off. The house isn’t a relaxing place.
Its a shameful place. No entry.
Socailise at your own risk. I’m embarrassed. Fearful.
Angry.

Coquettishly. – good word.

You don’t vodka your plants! (But you’ll put alcohol in your own body) strange.

Its strange when you lie to people, just to continue conversation. Little white lies.
She lied about owning a dalmation back in the states.
They are aptly named “dalmation moments”

What you do is importqnt because you choose to spend time and effort on it. Your soul is in your sweat.
“Blood, sweat and tears”

While picking fruit: “oft its the best looking fruits that are the hardest to attain”
In life -the grass is always greener.
Malcontent: drives us to greater heights.

“18:15: keep it laid” – i have no idea why i wrote this.

Whats so good about fountain-pens,Murakami?

How do you make a car more homely?

Memore – is a funny old thing.

THING. IT. – they were mentioned today.

“You have to know what IT is”. Alice in Wonderland.

The beauty of self exposure in the poetry and ambiguity of language.

Talk slow or fast. The meaning can be lost just the same.

Ah… -Adult Life- the new and more graceful: “first world problems”

poem-

“Every body is fucking”

No bedroom is safe,
No day alone –
To itself clean and pure.
Sheets stained
Soiled-
Sweat darkened.
Cloth scrunched
Backs slick
Nipples licked
Mouths kisses
Eyes, gazed into.
Binding arms pulling.
Knitting with need
We wrestle joy,
Into eachother.

Brand name “BOSHINGTON”

Gotta check out Opito Bay in NZ.

“glass is made to be broken” – french saying.

If it changes, then it changes.
C’est la vie.

There was a guy that I jogged behind in the Half Marathon that had a sweat patch on his arse that looked like tasmania for about 8km’s. Then it melted into regular soggy bottoms. I had to move on. The observation, the joke, was done.

Happiness, Virtue and Knowledge are triplets. (how?)
What is “Virtue” has the word evolved?

Pain is present-ness

Pain is inevitable suffering is optional.

Semi-present consiousenss. (your ordinary mind on an ordinary day)

Tattoo: image and pain both fade.

“Just how connected are the mind and body?”

“Its easier to be against something than explain the consequences” – Jed Donoghue 2016

“Buzzing around like a blue arsed fly” – Gina 2016 (so aussi)

Question: What’s the best gift you’ve every received. – for a birthday or Christmas.

What does “How now” actually mean.
– Surprise, lets discuss the statement former, what does this actually mean.

Its not that i’m slack, I just haven’t been writing.

I’ve been writing, thinking, reading.
Just no. No regurge.

Today at the beach:

The shallow water is warm.
But the deeper you get, the colder it all becomes.

This could be like being in a relationship with me.
It wasn’t calm today.
I built up a castle,
High walled.
I exercised and ate fresh.
My eyes are sore.
Red.
I will write more.
Succinct soon.

“the weather bureau is down” – we could all get by without the weather.
But that’s where statements like “it came out of nowhere come from”

That is that.
So and so.
Which is which.
This and that.

These are what we say on a daily basis. We need to be more careful.
Done and done.

Dream: Dad my sister and I.

1 Christmas cake, split into 4. (3 people)
1/2 & 1/2 and half again.
One bit looked bigger but felt lighter.
Prawns, (maybe 4) each.
Octopus -lemony-
and two danishes. One purple one orange.
the pastry was dark, brown, crispy.
The curled in the middle. In on the custard.
This food was John Armstrong’s. Some he shared;
the cake perhaps (I forget. inaccurate). The rest we ate,
Shameless, only half aware.

People evolved from fires. If you run out of air you die.

How now- what is how now?
“So and so”
“what’s her face”
And THAT’S THAT.

Talking truths.
Observations (the weather, the trees).
Shared meaning, experience and understanding.
Slippery academic buggers.
Cute, cite, quote.

Qatar.
Women are birds, the simile often drawn upon.
Flighty, fickle, escaping, beautiful, looping, peckish, aloof.
Men – cats.
Tom cats. Tom. TOMS.
I’d hate to be a tom. As much as I am a Pat.
A cat in a hat. Pat in a hat.
Waiting at your door, awaiting the first kiss.
A Pat at the mat.
Wipe your feet,
leave those shoes at the front door.
We shan’t talk so soon of the back.

My name? Would I change. Sure.
Sponsor me, give me wings.
Qatar.
So I might seek out birds.
Qatar Foley-Donoghue.

The Australian, the world the culture
acceptance. Broad view. Common word?
Would you say my new name correctly?
Am I going to have to tell you how to say it?
It’s like Pat. But with a ‘Q’.
No you don’t have to wait.

Qat! Call me Qat. Like Cat. With a Q.
Not a Tom, or a Pat. Something more,
you can see that, I soar.
I see you saw.
Up and down
my love.
In an out.
The old adage.

Birds and Bees.
We’re all Q-ing up.
I can’t explain it all to you.
You’ll have to learn for yourself.
Find a good teacher in life.
On your knees or otherwise.
Find yourself a wife?
That’s one good bit of life advice.

My device,
Take a slice.
A lick,
Life’s too short.
All of us sick.
Dig it while you can-can.

Dance in the eye of the storm with me.
but understand if its not meant to be.
Me, myself and I.
You to.
you two.
Us three.

If it doesn’t work out.
If it was just fleeting.
That OK.
Just call me Qat.