Negging – relationship

I’ve been so negative recently.
My family have annoyed me, freaked me out, caused me to look inwardly and feel repulsed. How can I carve out a happy and healthy lifestyle when the others around me aren’t always happy. Can I be more selfish? Should I be. Should I run from everything like I see others doing? “Leave the nest” Paul Kelly said.
Why can’t I do things in moderation. Why is it that life is a continuous effort. Presentness isn’t a gift like it sounds. Exercise for all its occupation my life only fills me with joy momentarrily. I am an addict to the altered state. I know myself to be lazy. Where once I was more of a wreck. I feel in limbo. Letting others down, letting myself down, dealing and feeling my issues overwhelm me. My memory, my thoughts, the hypocrite inside me, strapped with TNT and blowing up my damned past. Fishing in the river that rushes fourth. My dark past. Angler fish. Light bulb! Bad ideas, emotional turmoil, good ideas, direction, wants, needs, words said by MY mouth, now void of meaning. Past.
Disaster. The smitherenes and smoke that solidify into who I am now. Blarkh!

Why was I feeling free, happy around Megan, now we’re going out i’m cautious, scared yo lose our friendship.
“What do you want from me, from this, from us”
-what have i been doing? Spending time with you. Thats IT, that’s all.
I need space, so much time spent. Strangle me. Tomb.

Formless
Gormless

Mouth furry with sugar- shall i revert? Eat, hide myself away, unsocialise myself. I feel i’m halfway there.
“What’s up” -nothing.
But my mum is diabetic and has seisures. So i’m not dealing with that all that great.
The family dynamic is off. The house isn’t a relaxing place.
Its a shameful place. No entry.
Socailise at your own risk. I’m embarrassed. Fearful.
Angry.

Coquettishly. – good word.

You don’t vodka your plants! (But you’ll put alcohol in your own body) strange.

Its strange when you lie to people, just to continue conversation. Little white lies.
She lied about owning a dalmation back in the states.
They are aptly named “dalmation moments”

What you do is importqnt because you choose to spend time and effort on it. Your soul is in your sweat.
“Blood, sweat and tears”

While picking fruit: “oft its the best looking fruits that are the hardest to attain”
In life -the grass is always greener.
Malcontent: drives us to greater heights.

“18:15: keep it laid” – i have no idea why i wrote this.

Whats so good about fountain-pens,Murakami?

How do you make a car more homely?

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