I’m letting myself down.
Asked for Thursday’s off.
But why? I’m not managing my time well.
I’m procrasinating.
Scattered.

I leant my laptop to a friend, now the buttons are fucked.
haha. That’ll teach me.

I have an assignment due, i’m mad at myself for wasting time.
I haven’t been jogging. I’ve been binge eating. Slack!

Lindsay’s Birthday soon, we’re going to Melbourne, dad is heading to Japan for three months.
I’ll go over in November.
I need to apply for a scholarship!
Car is in the bad.
Stopping drinking until Lindsay’s birthday.

Need to get back on track. Save some dosh.
Yes.
Plan. For now though, study, jog, no drinking.
TO GROUND!

Lots of little jobs.
Its Monday. Feeling heavy.
Furry electric blanket.
Fire hazzard? That’s be an ironic way to go.
Coffee with Slayer today, the sun is shining.
Feeling stretched. Gotta change my weekend lifestyle,
Looking good is all about consistency.
The sun is rising earlier and earlier.
Need to complete a whole bunch of odd jobs.
Hope Eden is OK. Family- unique and grim.

Hair. Represents sexual power?
Hair is all part of the persona and facade.
Hair is poetic.
Hair can be short, long, straigh, wavy or curly.
Hair comes in all different shapes, styles and colours.
Men and women use hair to define themselves.
As a maleable object. It can be sculpted.
Fashion and class are two socially aspected ideals that may influence how a person wears their hair.
A bad day?
A bad hair day.
A good hair day!
Sway.
Breezy.
Shampoo and conditioner.
Dye! Combs, brushes.
Don’t do anything to your hair for the rest of the year.
Haha that’d be a laugh.

Car for road trip needed.

Hip women! 20’s roaring
Assignment this week.
Hung out with shagz and his hip girlfriend.
Drank too much, ate too much.
Hung with Eden, did some uni stuff,
linds had pizza for breakfast.

Exhaustion present in my bones.
Aiee

I feel the need to sit back and think.
What am i doing well at; what do I enjoy, how am I spending my time.
Accounting, you’re being difficult I can’t quite wrap my head around you. I need lessons; practice! Here I am though, not in te lecture. Deary me.

Shannon is down this weekend. I do hope to get my driving license today, that way I can be free to drive around and pick my boy up!

English i’m doing ok at. Feminism, Marxist theory, its all coming together. I feel like as ideas they are relevant but as the texts we’re reading are voluminous the glove does ‘t fit perfectly. Though the rose tinted lenses need be put on as practice.

Practice practice practice!

French i’m doing ok. I’d like to take a more active role in my learning. Tutorial groups are small and comfortable, i’m enjoying it.

I need to buy Storm a small gift.
God i’ve written some plain notes in the phone lately.
I think i’m smart; asking “what’s the difference between red and blue”.

Chess! Chess on the cards, playing that a bit. Its been exciting and I’ve been lucky. Looking for someone to teach me some more.
Bee feeling really great this week. I’m happy, just need a day to lie down and rest (Sunday here I come).

Make sure I get my assignments done. That is a must!

Read a little bit of french poetry today.
Had a test; which I feel I didn’t do so well as I should.
The teacher was nice though and said I was a good student. Plus,
He said that a friend of his (their advice was) for first year’s just go in with a machete and cut away all the fat. Classic line.

I have a driving test tomorrow, which I will hopefully pass first time.
Just gotta spot that stop sign, take everything slow.
Good night sleep tonight!

English on the horizon, gotta start plugging away at that.
Shags is coming down Thursday. All is well in the world.
Had a good feed today, trying to maintain my jogging regime.
This weekend is looking fun.

That free tuesday to do as i please.
Caught up with Edward,
Studied french and played chess.
Talked about family troubles. It was nice.
Driving thise week which is quite intense, but no pressure.

Had the most fantastic philosophical chat with linds last night.
I feel there is a uniqueness to life right now that i often look over.

Its cold, but i feel refreshed.
Its late thoughi should be asleep i think.
What will tomorrow bring

Happy Mondays! I need a rest.
Still feeling a bit strung out, but I submitted some homework.
Just keep knocking ’em out they say.
Had a good chat to Declan last night,
Went for a walk in the rain. The world is beautiful when its dusk, raining and the lights come on.

I had a great chat to John Armstrong, a philosopher that comes into the cafe that I work at.
He’s an intellectual and I enjoy the challenge of being verbose and succinct with the things I say.

He said “you can’t be philosophizing all the time”. I think that’s amazing.
I looked up the word savant. “idiot savant” is something tied in very closely with that idea it seems.
Basically autistic people having a focus. Its funny imagine that you could just be a savant.
Like what would it take to be that focussed. What kind of sacrifices would you need to make.
It’s an interesting thought. Physical health, hygiene, social, academic, “time”.

“we’re all just killing time”. Wax philosophy with comedians.
What is that. Why is that so appealing to me? Its not true knowledge, it’s spoken, its malleable, it makes you laugh and smile, it makes you think, it creates an image/event/idea in your mind and you just go with it. You adjust your view, to suit or contrast and then you laugh.

I love my idea that laughing is an altered state of consciousness.
I love the idea that people function on different levels.
There is a common level,
Its human to try and organize life. To make it structured, like a house, or a skyscraper, or a dungeon.
But indeed, we are a meticulous race. We anticipate what will happen later today. I will have dinner with friends.
If you submit to that thinking, are there people that can expect other things to happen?
What’s the difference between having a plan, regardless of all other happenings on earth and playing chess.

I think I will start playing chess again. Maybe i’ll ask Edward, last time we played he beat me twice. Cunning fucker.
So do some people operate on a higher level than others? Yes/No?

I mean, (and this is what I’m talking about) ask me on another day I will say yes.
“WHAT IS A HIGHER LEVEL MAN”. Classic me.
Moody? Fuck off.
hahahaahahah

Back to the point. Your brain is a muscle. Some people are more muscle-y than others. But what about technique?
This is the jock’s approach to understanding the brain. Classic.
Now i’ll explain the offside trap in football and relate it back to how a good defense is better than a good offense in both soccer, life and chess and as such all you have to do it be meticulously existentialist, a silent savant and you cannot possibly lose. You might draw though. 0-0. Nobody wants to watch that game.

No drinking on a school night kids. I’d like a glass of red, maybe i’ll treat myself. Its been a hard day of study.

Patrick Out!

The weekend has passed.
I’ve started jogging again.

I need to read “great expectations”
I feel that is a magical word.

Feminism work due tomorrow.
Acid all gone.

Feeling a bit strung out.
Made myself better with food.

Ate half a cake,
Lots of potato.

Tomorrow I will hopefully feel strong.
Called Declan, saw Wil and Phil.

A wasted afternoon.
Which is to say,

Walked, talked and felt sick.
One good day of study tomorrow –

Will get me back on track.
My Knee might start playing up.

I have a driving test later in the week.
Need to fill out those forms.

Birthday is over. XXIV!
I feel like there is a lot for me still to do.

Shannon is coming down,
I need to organise end of the year trip.

It will all come together – don’t you worry about that.
Happy Happy times.

…Oh

I meet your blank stare with silence.
You’re choices, schizophrenia?
Where is the sensible compliance?
Chaos theory; racked with fear.

Tired, napped, worked, ran and wasted.
My day plodded by,
I think Sophie and her boyfriend are on the rocks.
The people in this computer lab are playing bingo.

BINGO. 15/08/1991.
It snowed for my birthday. I was late.
My aunt crashed her mum’s car.

I treated myself. Too much coffee,
The internet went down.
I got my results back for accounting, fuck I can’t believe that I did so poorly.
How not to teach  course. Thanks you pricks.

I set up a massage,
i’ve been jogging.
Angry young man.
Nobody around me.
Radio silence. I don’t know what I want.
But not this.
Feminism article to write. Every Friday I do this. What the fuck…

I should have gone to bed at 9.
I just thought i’d treat myself, you know.
Moron. 24 years, and you’ve learnt nothing.
Congratulations. Nobody cares. Life is a jelly bean left out in the sun.
Irony Irony Irony Irony.

Is the fact that you’re out of your mind-
not yourself. Drunk, trying to be edgy.
obnoxious. Noxious, smoking.
Light that cigarette, let it burn like the candle.
Each one added, a removal, a year past.

IS IT:
Could it possibly be,
That you’re absence.
Half the time,
Engaged in your fantasy land.
Best avoided.
So when you are yourself,
its special! Hilarious!
We have to make the most of these moments.
Not especially enlightened.

THIS
revelation. When are you worth my time?
Mother!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mother issues.
Where does the issue lie?
With society?
If you can be sustained.

Ah, a green reading of my life.
Is alcoholism sustainable?
What if you get famous after you die.
DICKHEAD.

There’s a wonder of the social consciousness.