Things are ticking along nicely.
Accessed my online account, just need housing and accommodation sorted now.
And breakfast.

Yesterday I did a lot of yoga.
I think I need to mix it up a little.
Dehydrated. Not stiff and sore so much as I am feeling a bit blank.
Not so happy to be there.
Not so happy in general.
Not at all, not one bit.

Talked to Megan last night.
I was tired. She sounded excited. It was nice to hear from her, but sad.
I leave next week. Wednesday!
I should start looking to pack a bag I suppose.

I had lamington with Lindsay yesterday and talked to her about energy efficient ways of running a gym.
She talked to me about people talking oddly.
She used the example of a friend saying in a question form “I don’t know why I feel so shit”.
But it wasn’t an actual question.
What do you say? How do you respond (if at all).

I talked to mum about having control over your life.
I said that at any moment you can end your life, therefore any time from now until your death is a gift to yourself.
You cannot control your death, nobody to date has escaped mortality.
But that’s ok.
Don’t let your human brain fear.
Don’t allow your monkey brain to wander.
You are in possession of a human body.
Enjoy it as best you can.
Sometimes its hard, other times its easy.
Spend some time to yourself.
Exercise.
Smile.
Talk about your thoughts that you’ve had.
Entertain ideas.
Share BUT only out of kindness.
Not to receive insight or be entertained.
You cannot be expecting of other.
Assume not.
Ask, but do not demand.

I think in the future everyone will wear wigs.
I want to own a wig stall.
We will embrace our many personalities,
our deranged nature –
and wear wigs to suit.
Suit our outlook and mood.
Hygienic. Colourful.
Fun and refreshing.

The lamington from Jackman & McRoss was great.
I bumped into Nate.
He’s a good guy and was working on sandstone.
Such a gem.

I met a guy called Adrian,
at Irish Murphies.
He’s a friend of Tim’s.
He’s smart, thin and funny.
With boots, with zips down the inside.
We sat and listened to music.
A guy called Seth.
He was very very good.

The girl behind the bar,
Her name was Maddi.
Everyone’s called Maddy! jeesh.

Heath and I talked.
Tom and I talked.
Rhys’ story about the caterpiller was sad, and revisited.
We talked about the red hot chilli peppers song.
in relation to being fat.
“You’re the biggest crowd I’ve ever had”.
-Sugar, sex, magic?
But I was just sugar and magic (or something)
I laughed.

We were talked to by two really drunk young 22 yearolds.
They wanted to hit on the girl behind the bar.
I said that her boyfriend was here and he wouldn’t appreciate it.
They laid off.
Their names were SAM and PIE.
One was a builder (PIE)
And Sam worked in a warehouse on the eastern-shore.
Neither worked on weekends. But it was a thursday,
I bet their dusty today.
Sam gave me a back rub.
It was wonderful.

Then I rode home.
I told the story of me going into a guy called James’ house.
Weird world.

I’ll be there soon.
What a tune
Music by Calypso
People laugh as though-
Death lungs balloon.

Guitar plays, patience.
Willful waiting playmate.
The blender burrs.
Drowing out words.
We’re all patients.

“People struggle to attribute value to you” – Big Tom

Sarah + Nola at arts help desk.

I care just enough not to ask personal questions. (She was going to the doctor).
Probably out of fear that I’ll worry about her. Life in that sense can be weird, horror of unspoken avoidance.

“I like to watch” – what movie is that from?

Imagine if you could put a ban on people talking about you. Limiting that infomation.

Imagine having no name.

Call me AURA.

DIONYSIAN
APOLLONIAN
COTILLION

Things that enrich you as you gain skills. REAL.

Do you like conspiracy?
Flouride conspiracy
*Flouride + chlorine, the chemical concoction that affects! Effects your middle eye. HA.

Looking sepulchral-
Grim, gloomy, grave.

You’re still so young! Inspiring!
Please, relax in my company.
Share any half valid thoughts that have come to mind. Please.
Give to me. I will meet you.

I’ve not been ‘young boy’ succinct with you.
I haven’t bothered to remember your name.
You are not MY ‘the one’.

How do you prove (proove) that humanity has been there?
Apple stickers.
Coke cans
Shopping Trolleys.

No Country for old men. – Movie
Cowspiracy – movie

Cormac McCarthy – Author.
Blood Meridian.

Joshua Redden – Musician

The over-educated answer to “how are you” is: SILENCE

*muscles for practical strength.

*You are what your friends let you become.
Surrounded.
Surround yourself.
Fold.
|The grey lines become that much, SO much, greyer. 00:03

You’re in possession of a HUMAN BODY.

Be dangerous.
Act, dance, laugh and sing. RUN FREE.
Be an evil genius.
Be a saint.
Feed yourself, poke fun-
raise eyebrows, don’t look at the sun.

Twirl, pirouette.
ON marks, get set.
“I can deep throat, head-”
That’s what she said!
Now sated, shamed and all filled… With regret.

I used to live in a voodoo city.

EMMERSHA – grid iron suit girl. Dark MoFo.

The loner, experiencing sympathy.
Everyone reacts and has so much love to give.
Why not me. Why me! WHY?

To go with the cracked paint photo.
Why can’t things always be the same?

“Harry Pussy”.

Yesterday’s tears.
Today’s hopes
Tomorrow’s dreams.

mindfulness undone.
The present is where you’re at but we all need to look to history to get agrade of what has been done.
Look to the future to make plans.
Fear neither.
Let neither affect you.
Effect the now, don’t miss a moment WITH someone.
When you’re alone- do these things.
Grow.
But in others company the show is ongoing. Be present.
Hopefully they can jarr you into the moment.
Take your fucking lid off, and love you.

All you need is love-
As long as the crocodiles beneath the surface remain fed.

We love you.
You.
YOU ALL
The royal YOU.
“you” humans.
Try out we.
Use we.
Not use.
“Youse”.
Youseless language.

What is nature?
Can the mysteries of the universe.
The observations of science.
The barriers for entry, be wholly broken down by the
simple unobtrusive(?) reality of nature?

The conincidence that is our basic constructual understanding of so many things.
MODELS.
Circles, squares, triangles. Yes yes yes.
Geometry. Very good idea. Helping us use different models.
Basic signs and symbols to share like understanding and make breakthroughs.

But nature has it all.
Our lucrative definitions.
Cry. Cry out with confusion.
Havoc, the horse. Fantasy beings.
Meta meta meta.
Nice to meta you.
Outer body experience.
interlinking of ALL things.
The one definition of the word ALL.
ALL. Smart. Zoolander 2. Weird, I have a memory but no points.
I didn’t want to talk about this. OR DO THIS.
I am distracted, procrastinatory.

PROVED vs PROVEN.
Words with one ‘O’ but sound like ‘OO’.
Move. Prove. What does it mean. English! GADS.
Development. Bare, bear. The significance of the history of words.
Their time line. Fascinating. Yeah. “You should do that at uni”
“you’re funny”.

Types of conversation.
Put something to me?
-my reaction can be thankful or aggressive. But I am, I am sick.
Sick of you. Sick of it. Myself.

The mysteries of the universe unlocked by nature.
The weird and wonderful explosion that we live.
Unexplainable.
Out of us. Our tiny ant colony. Civiliasation. Arrows all going the same direction. Ingrained. Learnt. Unspoken. Gross.

Lets learn from the stars.
Horten heard a who.
I get it, I believe it.
X-men 1. That too. Bigger beings.
We are green.
We are black.
We are the crystal.
Time, change. Single cell.
Cell enterered another cell.
Define life. we move, we grow.
We have cognition. We have CONTROL over our lives.
We are a force. We can create and adapt and be current.
We are the live wire. We can kill. We can die, go, dragged down to nothing.
Starve. Add the wrong thing, our basic needs are gone.
our life, we are OZMOSIS JONES.
I am blue. Blood without oxygen. I am drained.
We are ultimately in control. Because we all have it within ourselves to selfsacrifice. I’m talking about suicide. Once consciousness.
The ALL. Us. Together. Experienced. Moving forward to what!
That’s ok. Mind set. Share it, own it. Current current current.
Food to energy.
Have a currant, lots of vitamin C.
But what force is at work with the expansion of the universe?
Is it an explosion so much? Or are you being poetic.
Are poets the wordy, wordly people of self sacrifice, vice and arvice and sadness?
Revive me with new thoughts and wisdom.
Life me. Give.
Deregulate and defribulate me.

Still with jobs to do.
Living Freudian.
Feeling deprived. Spent and sated.
The crusty cloth of misunderstood desires and fixations.
The rattle and release of energy.
The consumption, the constant, disgusting consumption.
My mind is grey black. Only rarely are moments inspired “these days”
The times. Time gone, never to be regained or recaptured.
Photography, our self illusion. Our star map. We are the stars, the twinkle of parents eyes. Freudian.
Misssaid. Missaligned. Miss. Miss. Miss.
Her. Here. Hear. Hare. Hair. Cut.
Wrists. Blood. Missspelling. Misspelling. Is this going to be ok?
Probably not. Unfollowable. A bull. Able. Able Tasman. Here we are.
Nature. Lets go for a walk.
“What do you do most of the time?:”
I work.
What else?
I have hobbies.
It depends on the weather and how I’ve been feeling.
Feral.
Ferralling. Feuts. Twins. Fatalistic.
Plans, control. Organised reality.
Everything. Stand to reason.
Happening. Span of control.
Lack of understanding.
Tinder.
Momentary, luck. Hot or not.
Sickness of passing.
Prowling. Watching. Fearing.
Shallow. Hurdles.
Barriers for entry.
Running. Usain Bolt.
Bottle.
Sweat. Swerve. Swill. Swell. Waves. Watches. Time. Tick tick tick.
Tock tock tock.
Pendulum. RobotHEART. People that add. People that detract.
Lets move inside. Lets change it up.
Talk about football. Bore bore bore bore.

What’s the first thing that comes into your head when I say Trumpet?
DORIAN BROOMHALL- I saw him recently.
Oh yeah? Cool. What’s he up to. (I don’t care)
When the convocation doesn’t go where you want it to.
What can you do?
Anyway! I think of MAMBO NUMBER 5, And like the moment, when the guy says “the trumpet!” Followed by cutting to the baritone baratone. barratone.
Ba-da-ba-baaa- BA-BA.
“that’s the baritone, not the trumpet”.
Yeah I know…

YOU DID THE HANDS FOR THE BARITONE.
-I know.
That’s not the trumpet!
ITS THE FIRST FUCKING THING THAT COMES INTO MY HEAD.
He does say “The trumpet, doesn’t he?”
“I don’t know…”
“Ok…”
“Look I don’t want to talk about it, but I think I’m right”.

What a stupid fucking immobile thing to say.
Your stagnant brain, uncomprehending, noncommittal, wasted goop.
After sharing my thoughts, you do, YOU SAY… THAT.
Some people, some times.
People, time, things.

Sick.

Accommodation.
Course Approval.
French Test.
OS Help Loan.
Insurance?

Run away, find better people.

Birthday has been and gone 25!
Kids alive!
Megan gone, gifts given and brotherly surprise.
Emotional downs and ups, as life delivers daily, freely.

Back to organising my own life.
Exercising, planning, saving, sunning, sweating, swearing,
meeting, asking, thinking, playing, drinking, eating, procrastinating.

I read the book that my friends and lovers made me.
Like a paper plane to the heart, their words made me feel.
Opened up, wanted and known.
It was an emotional wave that rose below my eyes but above my nose.
I couldn’t breath. My body drank in the words and memories.
Salt threatened to pour out of my eyes. My heart, thudding.
The wave passed me.
I sunk to my knees. Thoughtful and full of gratitude. All words had been washed from me away to the fathomless depths.
My heart clear and filled with love.
Life is so beautiful, people are so kind.
Things are so easy to achieve and say.
My barriers and conceits; drained, eroded.
The error of my way so oft the cause of undue stresses.

I believed then,
the truism- actual.
I believe, in love.

The pathetic computer that has been gifter burrs and whirrs.
Not ungreatful so to speak. Just aware that I spend my life waiting for technology to buffer.

Hysteric.
Wasted time.
Time spent being wasted.
Drunk and dasterdly.
Tiny thoughts and a forgetful mind. Social worth barely a gift. My own study of what it it to by typifying. Success as lucky as rolling a double six.
Timing and talent. But neither of which is a gaurantee.
Silence is suspect.

Run away, broaden your horizon. Run out of time.
Die – not even trying.

I miss my girlfriend.
I need, NEED NEED NEED. OCD time. Decorate, do art, organise, time; to perfection. Relax. Consider. Buy, prepare, advise, tell and guess, and suppose.

Why is everything with a time. I will do when I want what I want and not before.

That honest call; now this has happened I can move on. Focus, delegate, choose and grow.

So I get drunk. Forget, grow fat and chatty.
Pah.

Let us be idealistic.
Think sensibly.
Be selfish, mature, adults.
Demonstrate what it means to be in charge of your life.
In charge of your body.
Peerless. Fearless.
Progressive.
Speak only on topics that truly intrest you.
Run every day.
Grow thin, energetic, die anyway.
But maybe you’ll be working hard and so often you wont have time to be negative. Being a child at play “keeping busy”.

Vanity. Naïvety.
My dubious thoughts surrounding groups of people remain.
The individual intentions of each person.
The trust system.
Looking at myself, realising my how. Imperfections and by way of reflexivity; everyone is capable of ruinous behavious.
Frightening.

Happy Haugust. 25 soon, which means quarter life crisis.

Oh, what it has been.
Quite a good old time of it in comparrison I suppose.
White hot coal, fuels my leg.
Each breat I take is followed by a billow of ash as my thoughts roll. Foaming hatred from the sides of my mouth.
Vile. Rage-filled. People and their actions.
Cesspit-groups.
Individuals that are worthless.

I promise not to hang out in groups again.
I pick up on your mood, feelings, your AURA. Ha.
This bullshit takes me.

I feel sorry, sorry for myself. Having not wrote more and sooner. Memory is such a fickle device.
What has happened up until now. What will I prioritise, remember. Will it all stick? Will it all effect me? Am I affected, even now?
Hindsighting perhaps. Waste.

Life is one big tragedy broken up with moments of joyous respite.
The taint and anger of the past has resurfaced amd reminded me of my dubious outlook on life.
Trust nobody, share nothing, put your walls up, everyone wants something from you and they will take what they can. Be selfish.
Be angry.
Deny, lie, kill, steal, cheat.
Its ongoing. Its them. Everyone, cut from the same cloth. A reminder of the horrors people can inflict on one-another.

And it makes me sick. Ill. Depressed and angry.
I had forgotten this feeling.

The lense has been wiped clean.
Steamy breath.
My lips parted below my red visor.
Outwardly disgusted.

The window to life;
Glistening with new perspective.
Fresh, scintillating
Wiped clear.
An icy chill.
Eyes like tomb stones.
To blink is to eat death.
Stones crack.
Fists rattle by my sides.
A ghast, waves and fits riddle across my being.
Fury at a primal level.
Beastly rage.
Aghast. Shaking. Ghostly.
Thoughts of murder.
Gutters or blood.
Weather of hail.
Raining down absolute anguish.

Bastards.

When your outputs are next to zero.
Are you being.
Is it ok?
The fresh air that you’re breating.
Trees take over.
Cognition, the irony or tree vengance.

The twist of the villain being a gnarled tree.
Afflicted. Tormented. Deranged.
Fallout.

Life, death and taxes.
Disproved by google.

Tonigth we wine.
Irony.

I feel that I…
HUMANS…

*stares at hand + goes cross eyed.

Ah yes, well said.

Everybody is deranged,
crazy, weird, is different.

Narcoleptic? Dreamers awake or otherwise.
Strange even.

We’re all neurotic.