Sure.
Shore. Sean.
Ice cold.
Ice addict.
This is cold cat. Robot heart bus.
Further, for the, future.
The violins. Play.
I sit next to the girl in class.
Light blonde hairs on her top lip.
Her mannerism strange to me.
Big eyes.
The stranger across from the kicks my foot.
Kicks again. Thinks nothing of it.
To me I AM, the bench.
A leg. A leg of a table.
Not the shoe, the underside of my foot.
I have a horrible taste in my mouth.
Work was a disaster this morning.
I was tired.
I need energy. Where is my motivation.
People, waiting. Wanting coffee.
Hot-chocolates.
The mixture.
The meddly, combination.
Combatants. Hot sweet war.
Victory of the senses.
Reverbarate. Static. Twinge.
Twang. Want of caffience!
The consciounce. conshiouns
Coushion Cusion. Cushions!
Electric. Base in the background.
Spelling inner most.
Innate
Inert.
Innumerable. Numbers.
Cold. Kyote. Ugly. Terrible spelling.
Spell bound, BOND,
Bound to misspell.
Up. Bound up. Tied. Tongue tied.
Sore wrist.
I look at my wrist.
I saw. I saw my wrist.
My wits.
Lack of wits.
Lack of wist.
Wistful.
Witsfull.
Full-witted.
Tired, sunless. Bored. Blatant, cold. stale, fat, nipples dragging, slappingly shit and fucking tired and scared and unmotivated and prideless and stupified.
Sitting, stagnant, solemn, music, reverb.
Glass. Collection. Anger. Art, poetry, infused.
The window of my life.
The glass of my soul.
Sold.
Refractions of light.
Collections of cool things, ideas.
Reflections of my life. What is work to me.
Bush doof.
Reflect. What can you SAY and learn from what you say.
That inner self.
That knowing, what you speak, speak the truth.
The idea. That you believe everyone “GETS”
But none get you.
Don’t be lazy. Put it out there.
Say what you must.
Explain well.
Reflect. and reflect and reflect.
And learn.
Sit pretty. Feet up.
Untired.
Untied.
Fucked. But not tired. Drained.
Needing of energy. Re-fuelled.
Played. Sucked dry.
She wants, she takes, leaves naught.
But for tomorrow as me and i’ll tell you with mute.
And expression, bitter taste, ash, pouring from my mind and mouth.
Blackness. Oil filled hole. The void.
Best avoided. Blinded. Bound and binded.
Ball and chain.
Rent in my head.
A hole. A space, for sale.
I could be good at that thing.
I have capabilities.
I have vanity.
I have. and have and have havehavehavehavehavehave heave-HO!

Tragic.
The morsel of my mind.
Off. Salted.
Stale. Oyster. Snot.
Glob.
Par.
Bashful smile.
He sits. Talking trash outside my window.
I wonder at that expression.
How curious.
How wasted was I.
My caring take on reality.
Thing. A thing I noticed.
The rage I spat out, in the jacuzzi.
Anger, shouting, crying, writhing, wailing, morbid, gross and grinding my teeth.
Raw, roiling, tumult.
A hack, perhaps.
Not smart or talented enough for that.
Say it and make it real.
Wasted. wasted wasted.
Icicle. Many syllable.
Poetic. Left hand writes.
Left hand rights.
Left hand rights. Left and right.
Right and left.
Left right.
Up right.
upright. Write up.
Down right.
Down write.
Write down. Left down.
Put down.
Put down.
Down put.
Down right
Left down,
Left down.
Left up.
Up left.
Upright.
Up right.
right right
Write up.
Left right
Can can.
Double.
Snake eyes.
Game over.
Games.
Economics.
Boards.
Bored.
Broad.
Sheet. Sheer. Sheep. Says. Stays. Strays. Saturdays. Stays. Splays. Sty. Scry. Sly. Spy. Sky. Shy. Smile. Sail. Sassy. Sad. Sun. Split. Sony. Serpent. Soil. Stump. Stole. Spelling.

Talked to Rowan.
Talked to Eden.
Talked to Lindsay.
Saw Mum. She was walking uncomfortably.
Worried.
Chatted to dad.
Went to the football.
Worked a hard shift.
Ate an apple.
ate some wasabi peas.
And some wheaties.

I asked Rowan what he thought of Multi-National corporations.
Travel miles. Coke. BP. Responsibility.
Good, bad, evil. Money.
Big ideas, missing the point and me being called an idiot by someone wanting a Tasmanian dark ale. “how rude”

Talked about happiness.
Talked about what I like doing.
Talked about my dreams.
Talked about my story.

Walked to the city and home again via west hobart.

Talked about death.
Talked about shutting down.
Cognisance. Mindfulness. Awareness. Being alive.
Being an animal.
Opposable thumbs, inventiveness.
Driven by bounds instilled at a young age.

A girl in my class said about herself “I’m talking too much”
I wondered if she thought that because she was a woman.
I wondered if I was being sexist thinking that.
Rowan had something to day.
I said if I had said what he had said it would have been
“A super dooper, alley-ooper, mega slam dunk of a bounce. I’d have done a flip over godzilla on defense” Supreme!

O my god I feel like pizza.

Then we talked of being lazy in conversation and me having high expectations.
And how nobody asks questions anymore.
How Young-su inspired me with his 4 simple questions.
How bumboots are rubber.
How her underpants were from Target.
How you’ll live long enough to see yourself become the hypocrite you loathe and despise.
Like being “into” grammar, and writing as accurately as I.
Shocking.
Eco zealot!
“fucking hack”. Undefined. Basic. Lazy. Boring.
The vegan in the curry house…

Then we talked about humanity, sleeping. Rejuvination.
Rest. Cleaning.
If we could stop.
If we could die.
Prevent any output from out system.
Could we live longer?
Through the times?
Freeze time.

Tattoos with wil and Edward.
Jogging.

Unconscious, sleeping, a vegetable.
Surviving on a tube, a system.
Pull the plug? Ever?
Morals. Values. Ethics.

Walking into a circumstance with limited information.
The waited came over after I poured coffee all over my cereal.
I was complaining about my mistake.
“This tastes disgusting”.
He said they wouldn’t offer me a discount and took offence.
I was confused because he seemed to start talking to me out of nowhere…
I was content.

6/15. I’ll be damned.
And you know what else.
I’m uninspired.
No academic spark or want for acclaim.
My eyes gel shut.
Woozy.
Mum is home,
I could cry.
Its raining.
Drip drip drip.
Ate lots of food, that should keep me going.

Left pupil dilated.
“She finds me very attractive”
strange, curious.
Take it as a compliment!
Right…

Mmmm am I.

Man. am I
Mon! Am I
Yes.

I think so, at this moment in time. I think i’ve been in a rutt.
Uninspired. A bit lethargic.
I wanted to do and be something more.
Rather… I didn’t.
Monday maybe.
Didn’t follow through on a haircut.
I haven’t cheers-ed anyone.

I usually toast to something.
Like toast? Or toast?

I usually say something.
Something unique.
Like “To class”
But that’s not even good, most of the time.

ITS MINE
Where did you get it?
From my father,
and he from his.
WHERE DID HE GET IT?
he fought for it.
OK, SO WE’LL FIGHT YOU FOR IT.
-good comic.

To class!
To having money.
To working hard, and receiving acknowledgement.
To smarts!
To naturally being gifted.
The brains and brawn.
To having an affinity for nature!
To the invention of pens and paper.
To space travel.
Bottoms up!

Kow-ah-friggin-bunga!

I have a good relationship with my teacher.
She had-a-go at the class today.
“phones away” learning is what you make it.
It wasn’t positive.

I found an earring on the ground.
Now i’m wearing, so-to return it to the person that lost it originally.
I walk past the spot and think about printing out a picture.
That would be less gross.
Fucking weird.

I should go home soon.
Need to print out some work.
Do some referencing.
La-dee-dar.

Chocolate melted over peeled mandarins
I clumps blocks of chocolate in my pockets to make easter eggs.

I’d ride my bike but I don’t know how i’d get my girlfriend home.
“Dink your dates”?

How’d your test go? Terribly!

Ate a pack of green beans a pear and 500grams of peanuts for dinner.
Gross.
Why do I do it.

Studying today has been pretty full on.
Went for a walk with Dean, a fairly new asian pal from my French class.
I said i’d send him a translation of my french work today but i’ve been swamped.
He’s run ULTRA-marathons. What a psycho.
I invited him over for dinner this evening.
Very full-on.
We have a test this Friday which I need to study.

I’m quite worried about the french test. But I also have an English test.
I need to write that up, polish, reference, structure.
Ugh so much.
I wrote out my availability.
Lots and lots to do.

Anyway Dean or Young-Su, he’s from South Korea. He’s 26 over there or 25 here.
Because when you are born in Korea they say that the children are 1 year old.
I wonder what other cultures and countries have that same idea.

Anyway, he keeps a blog (in Korean) but has had an idea to ask people questions about their lives.
4 simple questions.
1. What’s your story?
(Something that you really want to share and talk about. Anything is accepted.)

2. What are your interests?

3. What is your dream?

4. What do you think happiness is?

My answers were initially:

d love to. We’ll do that after we do a French draft, ok? Here are my initial thoughts thought smile emoticon

1: I’m a kid from Tasmania. And I want to travel the world.

2: My interests are people, coffee, and languages.

3: Dreams are weird and personal.
-I have a lot of dreams and a few goals.
One it to travel the world and do and say original things.
I also love comedy, so I dream of performing or doing standup comedy (or atleast understanding how/what makes people laugh).
I would also like to open a business with my brother.

4. Happiness for me currently is a westernised “american dream”.
People focus too much in their down time on trying to be happy.
The persuit of happiness is an unfound and unsavoury idea for me.
Bittersweet in its generally unachievable state.
People spend most of their time discontent. That is something that makes people beautiful, unique and progressive.

Happiness for me is “being a child at play”. Committing yourself entirely to an activity where you are lost, almost thoughtless. Transfixed/captivated (in the zone).
I find this with games, talking to people, writing my journal, cooking, running, playing soccer, doing yoga.

Reading, writing and eating are great. They make you happy. Family values. Feeling loved and accepted by your parents and friends. These are some things that also make me happy.

When I spoke however, (he recorded) I said much much more.
He said he wanted maybe 3 minutes. I was in the zone talking for over that. Poor guy said he’d type up the script and post it on his blog, like a time capsule/reflection piece/idea tank.

It was strange, almost therapeutic. Its nice to cement yourself into reality with an experience like that from time to time.

I miss Edinburgh.

Fuck you.
You don’t know me.
“Since when did you know anything about the Hobart backpacking scene?”
Is that a question?
Because I do take an interest.

I don’t envy you.
I am not jealous.
Because you you,
you are living out a life that I could lead.
You could do better.
Focus more.
Tradeoff.

People aren’t amazed by you.
I’m mad about this.

Jog today was good. 4.2minute kilometres. Over 11km.
Stuck to the tail of a spartan jogger.
I really should have blitzed the end a bit harder.
Free fruit afterwards.

Saw Rhi selling coffee.
Had an espresso.
I think i’m going to die of an aneurism.

Gotta do some study now.

I’ve been missing mum.
I felt like crying all of yesterday,
but the tears didn’t come.

Busy busy busy.
Work work work.
Do, do, do.
Create.
Decide.
Make choices.
Reflect your environment.
Your day to do.
Become it.

Can you break your programming?
Really??

Imagine all the books you should read.
Move home. Read all those books.
The lifehood, worthwhile?
I’m unsure.
Social sacrifices.
Tragic.
Energy.
I need more energy.

Crazy cat lady. Needs a “Cat-scan”.
Games theory.
Philosophy.
A beautiful mind.

Running behind a beautiful woman.
motivation. Sickening.
Libido.
Driver.
Runner.
Wanter.
Spew. Sick. Trudge. Breathe, swivel.
Head on a pike.
Look left,
Look right.

Bicep too big for the armband.
And the rains came down.
Standing in the carpark
Looking at the first, second and third place getters.
Wondering what their lives are like.

I ate inari.
One dollar for homemade wasabi.
Fucking scam.
Not to worry.
Made curry, did the washing up.
Found mum’s booze.
Tipped it.

What next?

Pets die before their owners most of the time.
That’s why I don’t like pets.

It was so windy last night.
As I took out the bins.
The non-recycling.
The landfill. The human stain.
I looked at the moon.
It was luminous. That’s a word for it.
The trees, bent and creaked.
The leaves like a waterfall.
Rushing and uncountable.
Unreal movement.
And I thought; “How could anyone understand all of what nature is”.

I felt like this gusty night was a reminder that our perception,
our lives are unfulfilled. Putty. Microscopic.
Inadequate.
I couldn’t comprehend what was going on around me.
The natural forces.
If something completely unheralded happened.
I would have stood, just as awestruck.
I don’t know why.
I feel like I didn’t understand the world or its natural processes.

To think I can use the words.
The word nature to capture my worthless state.
Diminutive.
Shrunken.
Hyper aware. Afraid. Fearful. Aghast. Spellbound. Unknowing. Wowed.
Ghoulish eyes. Growling stomach.
And the howl of the wind.
The primal forces, ripping through the landscape.
Why.
Where has this unprecedented wind come from.
Explain it to me so that I might go indoors and be content on this sliver of information.

It is the big bad wolf,
My house of straw, sticks or bricks.
If it all comes crumbling down. Nothing.

I realised yesterday that so many deaths are unexpected.
My own. I wondered if it would be sudden.
I hoped not.
Talking about it feels strange. Like there’s a taboo there.
Why am I experiencing the “talking about a taboo” feeling.
What is that.
I will die.
It will be unexpected.
I can’t plan it.
It goes against my programming.
And that is not a program I wish to break.
My rules. I want to break them all.
I wish to be greedy, in the most blessed of ways.
I wish to share.
But not my car with Megan.
She’s American, a woman, and blonde.
I feel like she would crash and kill us.
I think that.
I feel that.
There is something wrong with me.
Why do I have there problems.
These beliefs.
These issues.
How can I function in society with these prejudices.
What kind of person am I?
Do I make an issue of my problems? Not at all.
Do I like to accept people for who they are?
For the most part yes.
You do what you want to do in this life.
If it doesn’t effect others. Good.
If it has a negative impact on people’s lives, their health,
How close they are to ritual death. Then I will act.
Act. Do. Change state.
Attack, react. Act upon.
I am an actor.
A liar. A thief and wishful beggar.
I sit for long hours writing things that do not matter to the world, but matter to me.
I am faced with my own personal problems to which most people would shrug.
I can offer little insight.
I see a lot of problems.
I see the see-saw.
The options.
The cause and the effect.
The follow-on problems.
The missed ideas.
That unturned stone.
WHY.

Why have you come to me with this problem.
Reside.
Rest.
Sleep.

Let inconsistency be your god, like it is mine.
I promised myself to take a photo of every meal.
It was a great idea, I thought.
One day, less than 24 hours later. The idea was gone,
DASHED.
Forgotten.
Wasted.
Not made a part of myself.
Held, flirted with.
Kissed.
Then flung aside.
The behaviour, the effort, the consistency cast aside.
Shoved from the doorway of my being and forgotten.
Left to be taken by the howling wind.
Natures original wolves.
That which the dogs croon for.
Their god is the wind.
The fear.
The song of movement, action, displacement.
Taker, shifter, destroyer, dissolver, eroder, changer, shaper.

Like the sand lines,
clouds,
waves.
The leaves clatter, shake and spit.
Threes bending and breaking.
Littering their own roots to be tumbled, roiled and rolled away.
over and over, around and round. The wind delivers where it pleases.
Acting on its own choice, feel, want of running, flowing freedom.

And I stand there, un-understanding.
Transfixed.

GTA.
Gotta run.
I got to
I’ve got to.
I’ve got two.

Runny Noses! Why do we get the. When its windy?
We don’t.
Its when its cold.
Why, then?
I don’t know.
Well you should, you’re at uni…
Studying to be a drip.

“Don’t judge a book by its Paratext”

Dropping bombs tonight.
Kiss me.
Like its the last time.
Reign yourself in.
Rain bombs.
Drop kisses on me like you did those french girls.

I am an arts student.
I have interests.
Tall people.
Short people.
Stoops.
Women.
Power.
Money.
Struggles. Games.
Experience.

How dare I think I see what is real.

Croan. Crane. Cryin’. Crown.

You aren’t being a bad person. You’re just telling them how it is.
As an only child, you probably are selfish.

So it was just you. You, mum and dad.
You were the base, your father the walls and your mother filled this vessel with love. Filled it half full I hope.

Mother’s Day is the same in the USA.

What is Crohn’s Disease? I hope my friend’s mum is ok.
I mean, I know what it is vaguely. But the specifics I’m hazy at best.

Tall people, careersy! Success. Attraction. Sex.
Look out over a room of people. Desirable. Visionary.
Powerful. Sexy. “tall, dark and handsome”
What does tallness represent culturally?
What else do people associate with tallness?

Why is there short man’s syndrome and not all man syndrome?
Stoop no longer.

I struggled with writing capital ‘G’.

Families as a three (3) person structure.
Two parents and an only child.
A triangle. No strong.

Four; a square or rectangle. Asking for death or division.

Five is a home. Base, walls and a roof.

Plane cream cheese. Plain.

The soul!
Sociology, Psychology.
Its not a perfect science.
It lacks values sometimes.
Monetary.
Fiscal.
Physical.
Countable.
Permeable.
Incorporeal! Ethereal even.

“People look strange”.
Those dogs look more normal than that woman.

I suppose so. But you have one pupil larger than the other and terrible scratchy auto immune diseased skin on your scalp.
I think I look weird.
I hate your leggings.
They are attention seeking, ugly, colourful, tragic, fashionless,
tasteless, impossible to accessorise with or match.
I’ve seen you without anything on.
I don’t care.
Naked is normal.
Anything else serves to be a detriment.

I am a Hypocrite.
A Hypocrite.
I’ve lived to see myself.
I look weird.
Self harm, hate, shout, scream,
grind teeth, haggard breaths, tired eyes,
puffy face, sweat soaked, struggling,
weak fisted, unresting, lost, angry, fearful,
incapable, turning, unseeing, fitful, pulsing,
sighing, insane, boring, tactless, primitive,
wordless, listless, fighting, pragmatic,
foiled, scared, living, forgetful, breathing,
drooling, raging, poor, questioning, Hypocrite.
And I’ll live long enough to deny it all and become something else, while still being all of this and so much more until I become nothing again.

The way people act in groups.
Having women for company.
Men for company.
The buck’s night effect.
The party effect
The hen’s night effect.
Expectations.
Evil intentions.
Backward views.
Uncomfort.
Strangers.
One on one – friend turned enemy.

Measuring things.
Like love.

Two lines over everything.
What I see.
And what you see.
What is truly real.
It’s there!
And what is viewed.
Parallel.

How different from your parents are you?

Quinoa!
Expensive rice.

A trampoline in the middle of the ocean!

When do I find out if I got a scholarship approval?

Your ideas and models are sand,
scattered on a beach.

Your way in which you loosely explain information,
to assert control. Its flawed. Like you.