43:00

Fun and fun.

Crystals of last night.
Ferverment.
Tie me over.
Tide me over.
Broken ideas. Loss of a face, time wasted in one book will now be spent in another. Months pass. Friendships wither. But two sided we know. Recocile.
Redeem, rejuvinatate in song and in dance.
High
re re re re re re words for positive.
Express.

Travel? But I don’t even like you. We’re changing. I’m fighting for something I don’t even want. Only because it’s good to fight for something, right? My mood, what I bring to the party. 

French next semester?

Girth and girdle.
Grind and grey and be great and unmonotonized. Feeding frenzy of my soul.
Sold, sooooooooooooo low.
lad.
laid lead leaping
Licking luck of sick fucks.
Dire time of dry wanting sitting sadness.
Options me, me me, sold sadness bike and raid and riots and blood.
Red red red wine.
whine wane wane bruce boys and girls and the rain on the roof
and the truth is. I don’t want any of this.
And the revelling and the hard work and the work,
hard or otherwise, the choices. I always wanted choices. The overstimulation of ideas and my happy thoughts and the links of dumb stuff that i’ve said.
out there forever.
And the stupid opinionated chaos of boys versus girls.
And my sick sick head.
My eyes. Perspective, limited shifting stupid. Boring basic internet writing wasted shared ideas and piss.
Water bottles for feet and hands and my cheeks, red and prunes killing my insides as I focus on all the things i’ve missed and put into the wind and my heart blends and melds and melts falling beneath me into a sea of unsaid things to people I love and care about but cant because MDMA isn’t good or cheap and nobody responds and i’m careful with myself only up until a point until honestly there’s nothing left by the rust and my heart doesn’t shift like the gears on a broken clockwork bike.
Grandfather passed away.
A stroke of luck that I can put that to the back of my mind, some times but internally, i’m sifting. Broken, sick angry and polarized.

Pole axe.
ace, heart. Speed. Club. Doom. Diamonds. Girls. Dicks.
Fucking ridiculous. OUT ousses. ROUSS.
hurt the hurt the hurt.

Originality.

You’re either the Black Wiggle or an Existentialist philosopher. 

“Why not both” I ask.

Jokingly, boyishly, charm oozing out of poor pores. Lips cracking and smiling. Blood red desire for fun only. Is it shallow? 

“I’m Asking the questions, pointing the fingers”

In life, your marks Crystallise, stay and grow. A beauty of reference and

A time of difference, frozen and welcome.

“Edgy” Examples:

A poem for mothers birthday after she has passed. A girl of good company (I mourn) gives me a cutout piece of card in the shape of a heart. The heart is blue.

Blown out use.

Brittle light fuse,

Blue heart of mine. 

Blew heart of yours.

Best shrapnel leaves 

Base- shell, seethes.

Jokes: not not my best work.
I.e : in other words. “id est” 

E.g : for example. “Exempli gratia”

Insipid voice.caliph.evacassidy.

And I don’t know how to feel or focus. Hunter raises the social bar. I stay out of bars. I lack I lack. Plans made. Wanting others, company. Lost vegetable. Blood in my brain. Tidal. Hit man- hormonal. Moaning. 

Jingle of tears. The rains came and went. Thesaurus. Cross with myself over words. You’d sit, vocabulary wilderness. Black and white. Boxed in, afraid to move out. Run, free, reach.

Overarching. Wendi- dad tells me. Walk walk walk. Sore legs. Bad knee. I worry and worry. And nobody asks me. Nobody asks if I’m ok. And I’m not and they don’t ask. They don’t ask because there are bigger things at play. And I can’t bound over these hurdles. Hurling myself at White Walls. Black tasks and ordinary deeds. Run away, run away. They cry.

I am central to your plot. Parental death is killing me and us all. Oil is our imagined darkness. Fuel for corruption. King of end. And I don’t bound thoughts, I just await a melting. A down. A depression. 

Lost work, time money. Current-currency. What will I do? You don’t ask me. Nobody asks. Good question. Blushing, over share. Fear for the bigger issue in my life. 

Yes yes yes yes people are sangerous. Dangerous.

Hi yesterday. How were you. 

Today I did two shits in two hours.

The sound of bottle caps rolling across the floor. 

I am 

Iamb. 

Lamb for wool, warmth and fodder. 

Doddering new born legs. 

Weak straggling underneath me. 

Shotguns in the dark. 

Smell of powder. Crackling fear. Power and fire. 

What wealth do you have. 

Nothing bright can be put out with such banal vanilla.

Psyche – S
Physic – H
S/He

E. E.
e. e.
Cummings et cetera etcetera.

Pshy – guy
Sphy – girl.

Pushy. Sophy
soap. pee

Pshe
Pshyic
Psh!
Pshaw!

Worries over pay slips.
We’re all fucked.
We just need some place to work comfortably until we die.
Satisfied mind. Bollocks.
Waiting, tired. Late nights, brain jelly.
Mush, wasted.
Thoughts keys, eyeballs rolling.
Loss of mind.
Alack alack a lack.
And manwomantrans.
Pronouns. Respects.
Satisfaction bullshit!
Riddled, free, different, wanting always the other.
Oppressed. Depressed. Underfoot perspective.
The tussle, tug of war.
I will give you nothing.
You don’t stand over me and help, thats why I do this now.
Now now now now.

broken heart and torn up letters.
A through Z.
Scrambled. No eggs.
No time.
Stymied!
Psyched.

You’reWelcome to come over at 6 with Sol for dinner. I’ve invited a few others. We’ll play pool and cards. From then until whenever.

Mediocrity!

When you hear a flow of words. A construction never formed before.

-Silent but vaguely positive..

Napoleons alone on the eve of battle communing with the alps, receiving their silent counsel.

Inter texts. Epitaxy. Epitaxyepitext! Parapet paratext

Self starving nation of love destructors.

She stopped laughing suddenly and said “why am i laughing” 

There’s somebody else here now; so you (or we?) better keep it quiet.

New game:

Say: who, what, when, where, why, how, which. Say it under different tones.

Resist ‘one’

Say not: The.

Because. I can. 

Greed, is a hungry dad

Whatwhohowwhat.graphic.

A wonderful message that captures it all in sail of red bow. 
I appreciate the time we pay to eachother. It renews us both, strong, shining rich real and honest. I feel of Spring not Autumn. 
We continue to coil, while ourselves and others spoil. Consistency, though tacit flowing freed. Friendships seed, safe under gale-mais-oui never grow stale.

Rules explained and deserving more.

Thoughts spidering out. Multitalented. Plurals. People positioning, poisoning practice. Multi-valent. Moving in any direction. And I was muted. Spill a drink in her. Share, buy wine. Strawbs, chocolate. Share and depress, hide in bed. Be good in the morning. Improved every day. 

I hid I worried, I went. Posturing. Post up my arse. Full of IT. Time creasing me. Crushing and cruising my internal melody screeching, squeeling, squaring. And sk-sk-sk. 

Fuck you. Eyes rolling. New tyres. Fuck me abroad, aboard, a broad.

Blue, greed. Generic.

Genetic green eyes. 3%

Closeness, hiding. Attributing value outside of yourself acknowledging all. Sigh

Signs. Language shooting from my body, wordlessly. Listing with dot points a dot-to-dot image of a letter in no particular order for a song in F. For the fbi, high kites. Proper nouns pinky. The regeneration, jubilation; juvinating heals of green goodness. RBB

Red brown blonde.

When you go grey it will be Red Grey Blonde. The old, the RGB. Art thou’ joke.

Thoughts of walking after sex

Be less excited by people.
Dying hair? I’m complicated, with enough to consider with out all that.