Dread filled. full. full up. costed, taxed. Ill and off.
I hate this. Look away. Mirror not. I cannot. Your beautiful world isn’t mine.
I’ve seen the end. The beginiing. What do you want from me. All you want is want and want and take and grow.
I grow. I follow my chemistry set around. I’ve tried.
I need energy. I’ve read and rested. I have told noone. I feel off.
Off and sick and rotten inside. Terrible, overwhelmed. Whelmed.
Rocking boat. Tragic. Acclaim not, no further.
Be at peace. I wish I could close my eyes.
Ring. Time is up. The bell.
1234. A change. The night time.
The day.
This marks a moment, clock stopping. Not really, truly just glimpse. And note the time, Always then. “my time for change”.

Bed. Lunch. Move, transition.

Time to put on black clothes and a fake face.
“How was Japan?”
Yeah…goood.

Now i’m exhausted. Bent and tired. Warped reality.
Unrealness. I’m trying to get past this feeeeel.
I don’t want to be this person. Seriously.
My eyes are rimmed.
The tears, exhaustion, dehydration.
Brain swell.
take take take. That’s all that’s happened.
I wish to be a cherrub. Back before I was corrupted.
I believe in love I do.
I’m a lover. Fight fight fight die.
Fight how?
My ailed. Sick, worthless corpse. Zombified.
Cactus. Walking, slowly. To nowhere.
24? Are you fucking. FUCKING. SERIOUS?
And what? What to show? A set of skills a group of people.
Hope and dreams?
I WANT.
LESS
OF EVERYTHING.
WANT.
need.
I need less to appreciate more.
Human gushing sickness.
Illness.
Living in the present.
Shaking your limbs.
Standing in groups.
Witness where we have come to.
At present. Now. Here we are, we’re all saying and thinking.
Nothing will ever be quite like this again. But we’re not bouncing off eachother.
Chemistry set.
Our bodies and minds.
Narcotics. Illicits. Drink it away. Drink drink drink.
Wallow and drown. Drink until you cannot swallow.
You bloat, round. You will never explode.
You die. And we hear you moan. Ripping.
I need rest. But not like that.
Thought I feel it.
I feel flat.

What’s my age again?
Festivals. Holidays. Uni Courses.

Today I got home from Melbourne.
Am I messing with people’s emotions?
Should I have shared a bed with Megan.
Platonic relationships.
Freud.
Late nights.
Drinking.
Run down.
Watched Labyrinth.
Books to read.
Car.
Tooth Brushes.
Much a do.

If the moon can influence the tides isn’t it reasonable that it influences your mood.

Lying in bed in a love hotel- all dat passion

“why two air con units, how hot could it possibly get in here”

-about fifty degrees?

i tried an egg yold and a black coffee. Not bad.

eggspresso.

boiled egg and a black coffee.

what’s an eggslut?

results back!

High Destinction,

Destinction

Credit.

Pass.

grade point average is gooood! Lets go on Exchange people.

The things one person may: Say, Do and Believe differ greatly. (Self)

Herein we witness the development of “crazy”.

chosen people

the promised land

the golden age

foundation state.

nation stories.

CACL- cold ass cors light

weather men have fun too!

swearing = talking like a sailor.

did some haiku practice.

My lovehandles hurt from walking. Atleast, I hope its from walking so much. Today we (Dad and I) visited many shrines. We walked the Kyoto map. What a glorious thing to do. I’ve felt slightly off since arriving in Japan. I’m not sure what it is. Ajar. The rain started at 1pm. We’d got to the high place in the hills, seen the leaves turn and flutter to the ground, to be trodden into mulch by all the passers by.

Its been a while since I updated this, I hate to thought provoke myself. I dislike forcing thoughts. Maybe this has kust become a place for me to vent safely. Or semi safely.

i read a book on suicide. Academic, scientific. Boring for the most part. Blash! Melbouring afternoon. I got sunburt later that day. If I die of skin cancer later in life does that count? Don’t hold it against me.

i had a dream of Ruth and I. We were grade 10 substitute teachers, we hit it off. We got shouted at for walking into the wrong classroom. I hugged her tightly. I awoke.

today, rain,’shrines, temples, gates, walking, 7/11 sushi a bus trip.

Dinner was curry. It was shit. Chicken and vege. Hard to wreck. I asked dad if he wanted to play a game. He said he didn’t play games. “They make you not present”. He would go on to say many contradictory things. Some interesting some waffle,i will try to elaborate.

life isn’t a game. Real reality. What motivates you. What do you enjoy. There are people that create and people that consume. Classic dicotomy. “There are extroverts and introverts” – life isn’t that simple, people aren’t that simple(he said). Hypocricy was rife! Alas, a shame for me.

You aren’t cool lest we talk about what other people say on facebook. “What matters” does leaving your mark matter? Is that ego? “There’s money in academia” “seperated, levels,HIERACY of people’s persuits”. Like people that watch television, eat crap food and drink goon all day. {textbook stab at mum}. -blank stare.

people. Academy. Polytechnic. Simple. We can’t not. Its the human mind, we revel in its basic organisation.

“You usually have three options”- tell her and ask forgiveness, End it, do nothing.

Say nothing, do nothing.Or are two of those far too similar. Lie and wait. Someone will correct me.

dinner was late. I just wanted to share something. Make dad see what I found interesting. Games facilitate conversation I said. Its a healthy platforms, comfortable simple actions. HOW COULD ANYONE DISAGREE. Competitive nature, ruins that element. The background hum, healthy hubub, mindless actions, the pitter patter of semi random actions on a level playing field. Once the outcomes and play style are worked out, other things may occur. Like a new day job. Your minds focus is on the game. But routine eventuates. Comfort, procedure, calm. Grow your mind, accept, and do different things. Challenge and breakaway from traditions if you can. If someone asks (alas i mustn’t have been convincing).

what shirts are they wearing? Blue

what else do they sell? Salad

their hats? Black caps.

life, lists. Present.

If we both knew how to play the game well, we could have done both.

100% human

100%energy.

raise the bar, running on a treadmill reading a book.

Justify yourself Dec.
Hung out with my boys.
Drank vino and water.
Talked to carl.
Got a fair bit of sun.
Exhausted.
Off to Japan now.
Eeeep.

The means of capsual travel by anything but bicycle.

Car, plane, train.
There is a striking and unwelcome feeling of unease
And disbelief upon arrival in a place via these afforementioned avenues of transportation.
Breaking up the world. Not seen as one large grid, but rather a disjoined set of box rooms sitting and waiting, arrival, viewing then departing.

The effort and enjoyment. The journey. Lost ideals.
Our history, nomadic. Constantly travelling, uncertain, the elusive contentment driving us onward. Where are we all now?

Hey dad I just want you to know i recycle some of your lines, because I look up to you and sometimes the things you say are la e and thus entirely shameless. I cannot fault them.
Therefore when I tell other people things and use your words as noble decree almost I laugh inwardly.
Snort all you want.
I hope it makes you happy to know you’d be doing great for yourself if you were still 20. -that is a bit of a strange thought.

Life in Arcadia – Jules Reed blog and writing. Not bad stuff.
Platonic relationships. Plato, date, chat, go home alone.
Named it himself; thr let down of sex. Busting.
Wasting seed without pro-creation. Weird. My values, loves and use of energies are whacked out. Not a normal man.

“You matter, you are real, the choices you make today in your lifetime are important and will change the world for better or worse. Please be considerate and choose carefully”.
We are all of us dancing in the storm of decisions and expectations.

Break your programming.
Deconstruct (destroy) your DNA put yourself back together how you want.

Hammock
Koya-San
“Ru-Su”
bridge
Canasta
Cribbage

Same old same old,
What’s old is new.
Make it new.
Its Tassie

Postcards- “enbuzzed”

I’ve been getting headaches and nausea from black tea.

Milly- the face painter. She’ll be at falls.

Who is Graham Scice? Have i met him? Do i know his face?

Antipodean.
Alinta R-H

These are the nots as they came. Are they important. Yes

Where do your loyalties lie.

Don’t to me. Lay not with me.

viper on satin.

you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.