notes into silent rant(ce)

‘His voice was thick with drink’

I’ve been swimming most days. The sun is shining, everything is a prospect. Beautiful.
“Life”
‘Quick there’s life up ahead, it could be behind any one of these trees!’.

My ideas, Facebook to photo album physical. Been done.
What the fuck does Libidinally mean?
American – Cheeseitz.
Americal. “a miracle”

Surface tension and floating are different.

“Its part of the world”
Its a shame I had to hear from Rhys.
Crazy
Sanity

Sometimes its not a new chapter it feels like the start of the same week.

Happy Mondays
Practice that
Practice makes perfect.
Only perfect practice, makes perfect.
Only doctors use bad practice.
Doctors bury their mistakes.
The truth dies with the patient.
So practice, practice, practice.

SVT – extra tentacle.
Tentacle heart.
Ventricle?

Adopted children turn into jellyfish.
We leave them in the pool for long enough.
Baby Orphan = Prune = Jellyfish.
Its the natural order of things.

Tattoos are the soulless narcissistic disposable incomes. Despicable, inconsistent.
“Artkward”.

People are different, so:

Taste aversions. What do people taste, when they have something they don’t like.
I like banana, you hate banana.
Do we taste the same food?
What additional associations are there. Have you made it a part of yourself, built up this hatred within them-self as a mode of identity.
Playing up to a dislike.

Next time someone shows you photos, allow it on the condition that you get to tell the story behind the image. 1000 words.

“The remain” of experiencing a poor standard of comedy. No godly moment. The unholy feeling. The sinking reality of focussed, tiresome, grounding 1-way conversations. I’m so sorry (juan & mitch)

The 90’s were extreme. The Hollywood formula was at its best. An all-time high.

There I am again:
Platonic. Whereby the sex and such physicality often involved otherwise is absent. Indeed a deep, non-sexual friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.

Isaiah 6.
Holy, Holy, Holy.

Its hard for a sunflower.
And what’s the point?
People steal your seeds, watch you wither and die then plant the memory of you so that your strand may continue. You have provided a small amount of sustenance and for that we are thankful.

What’s the difference between fibres in food and muscle fibre?
Can you whip honey?

Now imagine if you always had corn in your pocket.

Wrestles, Restless, wrestlers.

What do the tears in YOUR jeans mean?
Knees/Pockets/Sides.
Poor, fashionable, clumsy?

If everyone in the world stopped talking for one day.
And marked that day as a reset for originality.
Original thoughts, feelings, emotions, contact, and speech.
How long could it last? How would the idea spread.
Would we all be more present?
Why did we talk when it was so late.
I called because I fucking care.
You asked me if I was seeing a girl. I am. Her name is Ruth.
We kiss, I like her. She’s beautiful and its temporary which I like.
She’s crazy, and she’s cool. I don’t talk to her about things that are too serious. I’m onto a very good thing. I have my friends. I can be selfish. I don’t think you understand. How could you. HOW COULD I NOT UNDERSTAND. I am human, you are human. Are you so different? Have you given it that much thought and research? Humor me. Go to a shrink? Find coping mechanisms. If I say it out loud it makes it real. So I choose to say nothing. Anything you do say will be force fed back to you. I am an eye-witness. I’m listening, and using your words to load my gun. I will bring you down when you least expect. When you don’t want discourse, when you’re paused, relaxed i’ll be the gunman that puts the chamber to your temple. Though you’ve been there for me. Let me bring up something that is obviously private. I think it’s strange that I had to hear from someone else. I think its strange that someone else would tell you.
Sounds like you’re being used. Sounds like a lot of things. Would you like to be a part of my life? Don’t take that tone. Don’t look at me or ask me expectantly. If we hold eachother. If we’re close. Its because I feel safe and comfortable.
How can you take that tone with me. Lied to? Try protected. I would love to water this garden. I want things to grow. See how happy I am. Am I being untruthful. Fuck no. Let me flow. Each day is new. Choose your own chapters. I’m busy. I don’t have the energy to mend your broken heart. It was never mine. I don’t recall the handover. I didn’t know it was glass. We didn’t have sex… “it creates the love chemical”
Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you.
How could you possibly say that.
You aren’t a scientist. Everything we’ve learnt as humans has been from people like us, before us. Working together. Civilisation. Progress towards happiness. Race. Continuation.
“You want to be taken seriously?”
Coming from you…
Coming from fucking YOU.
How dare you. How fucking dare you. Spout your negativity. I will destroy you if I have to. Cut me down? Neg. Neg neg neg.
Making things important? Selfish – of you, for you, to you.
Well I’ll tell you what’s important to me.
And you can snort. Because you don’t understand.
You are lost.
Mens shelter?
Let me hone my aggression. As the man in red talks to himself, the greying man takes off his shoes and crosses his legs. A hot day, but he’s wearing leather. Spitting off the right, out in front of himself.
He proceeds to say a silent om pressing his thumb together with one of his fingers.
Weird.

The lay is nice. The sun is draining. Did I make a good cake today?
Was the jog good? I need a shower. What do you want me to help you with.
Why are you crying. You’re 26? I thought you were younger. A move would do you good. Don’t get so emotional. I know you want to be the best. You have to work at that. You need to study the academia. You need to find that passion. That time sink. Something you can boss. Spend all your time learning about and applying your skills and knowledge. Practice!
But most importantly, get recognised as someone at the top.
Because that’s what people care to observe.

What would we call the pause that happened world wide?
Why can’t I just be happy with reading books.
Mum. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything. I wish you weren’t so alone.

“SMILE” – command joke.

“comment”  – on anything I just said (no)

“I can’t hear you”

I want to go away.
I want a new knee. One that doesn’t crack when I walk up-hill.
That doesn’t hurt when I push off sideways.
That doesn’t buckle.

S L O W. what a cracking album. buzzz buzz buz

Gifts, christmas. Fill the void.
Tragic.

 

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