Are there more readers in society than there are writers?
What is the outcome of the western style education system?
Who are the people we are fashioning.
With populations skyrocketing and children being born every instant – how could we possibly class generations? Every ten years I suppose?

I burn books.

What is enlightenment.
“man i’m so hungry”.

REGRET: ‘I DON’T CARE’ – why did I say it like that?
Alas. Tons more fish in the sea. The wood was wet, the bridge can’t have burned.

Went shopping today, bought a decanter.
How will I bend these spoons?!
Its sunny, lets get active. I could read books for a very long time. I have so many. I must sit down sometime soon. Time ticks on. Tomorrow night, is it going to be good, bad or ugly.

Clean breaks.
Falls.
Girls.
Plans.
Money.
Holidays.
Travel. Beatnik, hipster, trash.
Beat, poor.

‘His voice was thick with drink’

I’ve been swimming most days. The sun is shining, everything is a prospect. Beautiful.
“Life”
‘Quick there’s life up ahead, it could be behind any one of these trees!’.

My ideas, Facebook to photo album physical. Been done.
What the fuck does Libidinally mean?
American – Cheeseitz.
Americal. “a miracle”

Surface tension and floating are different.

“Its part of the world”
Its a shame I had to hear from Rhys.
Crazy
Sanity

Sometimes its not a new chapter it feels like the start of the same week.

Happy Mondays
Practice that
Practice makes perfect.
Only perfect practice, makes perfect.
Only doctors use bad practice.
Doctors bury their mistakes.
The truth dies with the patient.
So practice, practice, practice.

SVT – extra tentacle.
Tentacle heart.
Ventricle?

Adopted children turn into jellyfish.
We leave them in the pool for long enough.
Baby Orphan = Prune = Jellyfish.
Its the natural order of things.

Tattoos are the soulless narcissistic disposable incomes. Despicable, inconsistent.
“Artkward”.

People are different, so:

Taste aversions. What do people taste, when they have something they don’t like.
I like banana, you hate banana.
Do we taste the same food?
What additional associations are there. Have you made it a part of yourself, built up this hatred within them-self as a mode of identity.
Playing up to a dislike.

Next time someone shows you photos, allow it on the condition that you get to tell the story behind the image. 1000 words.

“The remain” of experiencing a poor standard of comedy. No godly moment. The unholy feeling. The sinking reality of focussed, tiresome, grounding 1-way conversations. I’m so sorry (juan & mitch)

The 90’s were extreme. The Hollywood formula was at its best. An all-time high.

There I am again:
Platonic. Whereby the sex and such physicality often involved otherwise is absent. Indeed a deep, non-sexual friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.

Isaiah 6.
Holy, Holy, Holy.

Its hard for a sunflower.
And what’s the point?
People steal your seeds, watch you wither and die then plant the memory of you so that your strand may continue. You have provided a small amount of sustenance and for that we are thankful.

What’s the difference between fibres in food and muscle fibre?
Can you whip honey?

Now imagine if you always had corn in your pocket.

Wrestles, Restless, wrestlers.

What do the tears in YOUR jeans mean?
Knees/Pockets/Sides.
Poor, fashionable, clumsy?

If everyone in the world stopped talking for one day.
And marked that day as a reset for originality.
Original thoughts, feelings, emotions, contact, and speech.
How long could it last? How would the idea spread.
Would we all be more present?
Why did we talk when it was so late.
I called because I fucking care.
You asked me if I was seeing a girl. I am. Her name is Ruth.
We kiss, I like her. She’s beautiful and its temporary which I like.
She’s crazy, and she’s cool. I don’t talk to her about things that are too serious. I’m onto a very good thing. I have my friends. I can be selfish. I don’t think you understand. How could you. HOW COULD I NOT UNDERSTAND. I am human, you are human. Are you so different? Have you given it that much thought and research? Humor me. Go to a shrink? Find coping mechanisms. If I say it out loud it makes it real. So I choose to say nothing. Anything you do say will be force fed back to you. I am an eye-witness. I’m listening, and using your words to load my gun. I will bring you down when you least expect. When you don’t want discourse, when you’re paused, relaxed i’ll be the gunman that puts the chamber to your temple. Though you’ve been there for me. Let me bring up something that is obviously private. I think it’s strange that I had to hear from someone else. I think its strange that someone else would tell you.
Sounds like you’re being used. Sounds like a lot of things. Would you like to be a part of my life? Don’t take that tone. Don’t look at me or ask me expectantly. If we hold eachother. If we’re close. Its because I feel safe and comfortable.
How can you take that tone with me. Lied to? Try protected. I would love to water this garden. I want things to grow. See how happy I am. Am I being untruthful. Fuck no. Let me flow. Each day is new. Choose your own chapters. I’m busy. I don’t have the energy to mend your broken heart. It was never mine. I don’t recall the handover. I didn’t know it was glass. We didn’t have sex… “it creates the love chemical”
Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you.
How could you possibly say that.
You aren’t a scientist. Everything we’ve learnt as humans has been from people like us, before us. Working together. Civilisation. Progress towards happiness. Race. Continuation.
“You want to be taken seriously?”
Coming from you…
Coming from fucking YOU.
How dare you. How fucking dare you. Spout your negativity. I will destroy you if I have to. Cut me down? Neg. Neg neg neg.
Making things important? Selfish – of you, for you, to you.
Well I’ll tell you what’s important to me.
And you can snort. Because you don’t understand.
You are lost.
Mens shelter?
Let me hone my aggression. As the man in red talks to himself, the greying man takes off his shoes and crosses his legs. A hot day, but he’s wearing leather. Spitting off the right, out in front of himself.
He proceeds to say a silent om pressing his thumb together with one of his fingers.
Weird.

The lay is nice. The sun is draining. Did I make a good cake today?
Was the jog good? I need a shower. What do you want me to help you with.
Why are you crying. You’re 26? I thought you were younger. A move would do you good. Don’t get so emotional. I know you want to be the best. You have to work at that. You need to study the academia. You need to find that passion. That time sink. Something you can boss. Spend all your time learning about and applying your skills and knowledge. Practice!
But most importantly, get recognised as someone at the top.
Because that’s what people care to observe.

What would we call the pause that happened world wide?
Why can’t I just be happy with reading books.
Mum. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything. I wish you weren’t so alone.

“SMILE” – command joke.

“comment”  – on anything I just said (no)

“I can’t hear you”

I want to go away.
I want a new knee. One that doesn’t crack when I walk up-hill.
That doesn’t hurt when I push off sideways.
That doesn’t buckle.

S L O W. what a cracking album. buzzz buzz buz

Gifts, christmas. Fill the void.
Tragic.

I will,
Because I will it
It is
Soon was
Is was is now?
Is is yin and yang
IS?
Was. statement. Past, old, done.
Jackie-oh.

You need to be strong willed for today’s society.
Civilisation=Sexuality=Agression.

I need hangers.

I’m so sorry 0448571322. Whoever you are. Because its your number that I give people when I don’t use my own. Its a tough gig being my falsehood. One day I’ll call you and apologise. Maybe even buy you a beer.

Names and characters.
Recovery today. Ups.
Mostly ups. As the days former have been spent.
Below. Par. Standard.
No rhyme scheme, no reason.
Just down. Why share -because that’s you-
In time it will work itself out.
Now I just need a story.
A brief.
Thoroughbred
I don’t know the spelling.
Binoculars in Japanese. (classic John)
His wife has a cook book?
Sashimi.

Humm.

Dread filled. full. full up. costed, taxed. Ill and off.
I hate this. Look away. Mirror not. I cannot. Your beautiful world isn’t mine.
I’ve seen the end. The beginiing. What do you want from me. All you want is want and want and take and grow.
I grow. I follow my chemistry set around. I’ve tried.
I need energy. I’ve read and rested. I have told noone. I feel off.
Off and sick and rotten inside. Terrible, overwhelmed. Whelmed.
Rocking boat. Tragic. Acclaim not, no further.
Be at peace. I wish I could close my eyes.
Ring. Time is up. The bell.
1234. A change. The night time.
The day.
This marks a moment, clock stopping. Not really, truly just glimpse. And note the time, Always then. “my time for change”.

Bed. Lunch. Move, transition.

Time to put on black clothes and a fake face.
“How was Japan?”
Yeah…goood.

Now i’m exhausted. Bent and tired. Warped reality.
Unrealness. I’m trying to get past this feeeeel.
I don’t want to be this person. Seriously.
My eyes are rimmed.
The tears, exhaustion, dehydration.
Brain swell.
take take take. That’s all that’s happened.
I wish to be a cherrub. Back before I was corrupted.
I believe in love I do.
I’m a lover. Fight fight fight die.
Fight how?
My ailed. Sick, worthless corpse. Zombified.
Cactus. Walking, slowly. To nowhere.
24? Are you fucking. FUCKING. SERIOUS?
And what? What to show? A set of skills a group of people.
Hope and dreams?
I WANT.
LESS
OF EVERYTHING.
WANT.
need.
I need less to appreciate more.
Human gushing sickness.
Illness.
Living in the present.
Shaking your limbs.
Standing in groups.
Witness where we have come to.
At present. Now. Here we are, we’re all saying and thinking.
Nothing will ever be quite like this again. But we’re not bouncing off eachother.
Chemistry set.
Our bodies and minds.
Narcotics. Illicits. Drink it away. Drink drink drink.
Wallow and drown. Drink until you cannot swallow.
You bloat, round. You will never explode.
You die. And we hear you moan. Ripping.
I need rest. But not like that.
Thought I feel it.
I feel flat.

What’s my age again?
Festivals. Holidays. Uni Courses.

Today I got home from Melbourne.
Am I messing with people’s emotions?
Should I have shared a bed with Megan.
Platonic relationships.
Freud.
Late nights.
Drinking.
Run down.
Watched Labyrinth.
Books to read.
Car.
Tooth Brushes.
Much a do.

If the moon can influence the tides isn’t it reasonable that it influences your mood.

Lying in bed in a love hotel- all dat passion

“why two air con units, how hot could it possibly get in here”

-about fifty degrees?

i tried an egg yold and a black coffee. Not bad.

eggspresso.

boiled egg and a black coffee.

what’s an eggslut?

results back!

High Destinction,

Destinction

Credit.

Pass.

grade point average is gooood! Lets go on Exchange people.

The things one person may: Say, Do and Believe differ greatly. (Self)

Herein we witness the development of “crazy”.

chosen people

the promised land

the golden age

foundation state.

nation stories.

CACL- cold ass cors light

weather men have fun too!

swearing = talking like a sailor.

did some haiku practice.

My lovehandles hurt from walking. Atleast, I hope its from walking so much. Today we (Dad and I) visited many shrines. We walked the Kyoto map. What a glorious thing to do. I’ve felt slightly off since arriving in Japan. I’m not sure what it is. Ajar. The rain started at 1pm. We’d got to the high place in the hills, seen the leaves turn and flutter to the ground, to be trodden into mulch by all the passers by.

Its been a while since I updated this, I hate to thought provoke myself. I dislike forcing thoughts. Maybe this has kust become a place for me to vent safely. Or semi safely.

i read a book on suicide. Academic, scientific. Boring for the most part. Blash! Melbouring afternoon. I got sunburt later that day. If I die of skin cancer later in life does that count? Don’t hold it against me.

i had a dream of Ruth and I. We were grade 10 substitute teachers, we hit it off. We got shouted at for walking into the wrong classroom. I hugged her tightly. I awoke.

today, rain,’shrines, temples, gates, walking, 7/11 sushi a bus trip.

Dinner was curry. It was shit. Chicken and vege. Hard to wreck. I asked dad if he wanted to play a game. He said he didn’t play games. “They make you not present”. He would go on to say many contradictory things. Some interesting some waffle,i will try to elaborate.

life isn’t a game. Real reality. What motivates you. What do you enjoy. There are people that create and people that consume. Classic dicotomy. “There are extroverts and introverts” – life isn’t that simple, people aren’t that simple(he said). Hypocricy was rife! Alas, a shame for me.

You aren’t cool lest we talk about what other people say on facebook. “What matters” does leaving your mark matter? Is that ego? “There’s money in academia” “seperated, levels,HIERACY of people’s persuits”. Like people that watch television, eat crap food and drink goon all day. {textbook stab at mum}. -blank stare.

people. Academy. Polytechnic. Simple. We can’t not. Its the human mind, we revel in its basic organisation.

“You usually have three options”- tell her and ask forgiveness, End it, do nothing.

Say nothing, do nothing.Or are two of those far too similar. Lie and wait. Someone will correct me.

dinner was late. I just wanted to share something. Make dad see what I found interesting. Games facilitate conversation I said. Its a healthy platforms, comfortable simple actions. HOW COULD ANYONE DISAGREE. Competitive nature, ruins that element. The background hum, healthy hubub, mindless actions, the pitter patter of semi random actions on a level playing field. Once the outcomes and play style are worked out, other things may occur. Like a new day job. Your minds focus is on the game. But routine eventuates. Comfort, procedure, calm. Grow your mind, accept, and do different things. Challenge and breakaway from traditions if you can. If someone asks (alas i mustn’t have been convincing).

what shirts are they wearing? Blue

what else do they sell? Salad

their hats? Black caps.

life, lists. Present.

If we both knew how to play the game well, we could have done both.

100% human

100%energy.

raise the bar, running on a treadmill reading a book.