Earth, Art-Eh

There once was a man from Afghanistan, who had three sons.

The Caspian Sea, apparently has Magpies? I thought that were only in Australia.

What is in a self portrait?
Self obsession?
Narcissus?
Its like a minor vanity.
Perception of self.
Yourself seen by others.
How they WANT to see you vs how you want to see you.

Its like the vanity chain.
Which sees its apex in children.
Seeing yourself in you kids.

And there I was, gifted with the uncomfort of analysis.
Eyes, glinting.
Gleaming.
Bright, bright eyes.
What does it mean about you.
if your eyes change.
Clear, alive. Furtive, confident. Happy.
The colours. Vivid, noticeably brighter.

left side,
right side,
Smile.
What does the victory of a dominant, or lopsided smile show us?
What does it mean?
A WHAT QUESTION. I’m sorry.

When you look at you drafted ideas, your days work and you read one sentence:
“Men could become transvestites, but it would be comic because.”
Ok…
Nailed it, bonus points for the all inclusive conclusion.
I hope I don’t “WIN” all my debates that way. Talk about train of thought.

Death is the location of all impossible signs. “Fascinated by nothing visible”
Talking as self gratification.
Touching and tasting oneself.

As if to say:
Who am I
What are we humans
We shall not know, for we are the image, the very subject of our own desire.
Too close to ourselves.
Not removed.

The infinite pursuit of an absent object.

Lets stay light.

Poor old Edouard.
Has food poisoning, probably from the uncooked chicken he ate.
That, after the appendix debacle and the broken foot.
Deary me, dreary him.

Today for me?
I spent the day in the “loud library”. Where they bring you food and drinks.
Yes, yes a cafe. “pressed” Not depressed, or impressed. I people watched, eaves dropped, even spoke to some strangers.
It all should have been great-
and it was, doing all those things.
But the service dried up.
I tipped after a few hours of work and went on my way.

A girl walked in, was met by a young guy.

“Take a seat”. He said.
“Where are you?” She responded.
“Oh— I work here”. He said.

It was all horribly cute. Awkward and confused.
Like anyone walking in anywhere new off the streets perhaps.
I think I have a class with her.
Or maybe she just has one of those memorable faces.
Maybe it wasn’t her.
I can’t remember looking at that exact moment, just heard, wrote and chuckled.

Oh yes! The word GESTICULATE:
Use gestures, especially dramatic ones, instead of spoken emphasis.
It makes me think “Testicular” for some reason. And I always imagine its bad when someone say’s gesticulate.
Not to worry.

Ah I need new runners and will buy some this Friday.

I went to a barber and got a hot shave, did I say this already?
The barber was OK. His name was Medhi.
He doesn’t drink alcohol, and he will open a cafe soon.

QUI
PEUT
SAUVE
The art.

See montreal play on tuesday, watch Drogba play.

12th Nov. 2016 00:31. I will join you.

Julie and…
Shana

Sasha the legend of zelda.

Citizenship and dad.

Currency IS
current see.
People are an ocean, sea, 1:01.
LOL leet speak.

Oliver
Matthew.

TOUT.

Write birthday message with ‘citethisforme’

Severence from the kinship of both humanity’s genders.

If everything is mental,
Is out thinking what causes tumors?
What can our mind do?
And what does it constantly do.

Why are there televisions in bars and cafes? The diner should be a place of social..

Remember when we went cupping with Ange? He was buzzing. Declan?

Patrick: Do you remember “Angey Babey”, those silly shoes, those red tattoos, the banging of the neighbours, the sitting on the couch, the spilling of the plant, the showers, the night you talked and screamed so loud as you walked arm in arm through the meadows. Do you remember when you thought yourself mad. And man, when she fed you, when she worked down the road. When she moved to Germany. When Tom, the guy with the enormous penis, told you that he knew all of your secrets and you couldn’t guess what they were. Because you don’t have any. And you hadn’t shared what they didn’t know. So how could someone ever know a secret? Strange. I gotta bite my fist on that one. I remember the picnic story that I told about him. God I put my foot in it.

Buying anything for fitness is a sham.

I’m so fussy it’s pointless. Needless for me to explain, I’ll be happy. Which is also unhappy. With everything. For I know nothing is what I want.
We all do.

And i’m up to Mcdonalds.
Gonna go print some stuff. That’s enough shared for now.

Sing

All things grow outward,
Upward from the Tree.
Spreading out,
All things attached-
natural, real.
And from this Tree,
blowing in the unknown wind.
Standing out from the unknown ground.
Reaching towards the unknown sky-
night or day or still, unknown.

But for the tree,
It is known.
All its many branches, are said to have been explored.
Though some of them forgotten,
lost, or out of bounds.
Owned by some secretly,
Under construction; yet to grow.
This is where we keep all the things we know.
All the things that are natural.
And visiting this tree,
are the birds.

And all, all the birds.
With all their very many wings.
Jumping and dancing-
fluttering in the unknown breeze.
There feathers and ideas.
Hidden muscles and meaning in these.
Where did they come from?
They didn’t grow on the tree.

No, not like the fruits.
Mushy pears, red apples and green bananas.
No, no not like the fruits.
They are from the tree-
All natural. Understandable-
They feed and nourish fertility.
Falling away, into nothingness.
Almost as if they never were.

From the tips of the tree,
This genre. An Art. Titled and told:
As it were “The great misunderstanding”.
Nothing worked, so much as happened.
The growth wasn’t towards anything.
Nor was the word growth strictly accurate.
That’s why the birds only hooted, and howled.
Sung and chirruped.
To the sun, they expressed surprise.
Singing gaily. Sometimes when something-
the elements foretold snow and sleet.
Rain, wind or something else equally mysterious,
the birds would pull about them their wings.
Feathers, as ideas of shelter.
Fore the Tree had no hollows.
It was solid and unholed.
Reliable and resolute until.

Until one day the Tree grew,
sprouting upon one large light brown limb-
a good many buds, like never before.
Violet and rich, the birds pecked.
The taste was sweet,
The nectar that bled down.
Felling down in droplets into nothingness.
The birds swooped in a frenzy.
One purple bud grew, besieged not by birds.
This bud was hidden, and grew on a very high branch-
in a completely different wing of the tree.
A mysterious wing, it grew bulbous.
Rich and swollen at its base, it looked like
the tail of an all but forgotten creature.

There was no real awareness of the when, or how-
but one day with the light that illuminated the tree,
shining from no great area or thing, sprung an umbrella.
With a wooden hold aft,
A translucent filament connecting the spurs.
the thing was huge, like some great flowering thing.
And just as it one day sprung into the world,
As if to be an omen or something more profound-
nothing. Nothing happened.

One darkening evening as the lighness faded,
there was a spattering of moisture in the air-
and a bird chanced to land under the unfamiliar thing.
It rained all the night. The bird felt a calm-
wrapped in its wing’s feathers.
This umbrealla. Hoooo!
Hoooo-hoooowl.
What a magnificent moment,
and in the morning a rainbow appeared
through the wet filament and the birds eyes bulged.
Gordon Bennett! This New-Squark!
Great Scott, truly. Never.

This news spread down the grape vine.
And they passed on messages by banana phone,
wireless, but no significant thing.
This was old stuff to the birds.
But umbrellas, or as they called them:
“Umbrelly, or wew-wews”
They could make their wet nights,
well… less wet. More comfortable they suspected.
They suspected a 9 percent rise in comfort.
There was a vote, and cordially it was decided.
They wouldn’t suckle upon the violet buds.
Birds waited. Oh yes, they can wait.
We’ve all seem them wait.
Some thing they’re still waiting.

The time came, and so did the buds.
they grew slowly, and in the night some were pecked.
Noxious scents of sweet torments were drempt-
the dreams of the birds,
oh the birds. Their dreams were filled.
Voluptuous growths the sprouts became-
though time had noticeably taken to slowing.
In the night one of the birds vanished.
And their flying on formation was peculiar for many days,
adjusting to their lost control over streamline,
dynamic flying that made them native to freedom.
Days flew by after that in the night also.
One bud peeled early revealing a white umbrella,
which was unexpected, strange and welcome to the birds.
The measured its size and expected it to be a likeness to its forefather.
If all the buds were to blossom, there would be shelter for each of the birds.
This was music to the birds tiny ear holes.
Their minds raced with small and simple thoughts.
This was grande, what a fruitful and happy time to be alive.
Julius the fallen, was forgotten in their aggrevated:
raptures of elation, excitement and expectation.
Would all the umbrellas be white with wooden handles?
Bets were mad. Hoots and howls.
The twits rang out, and seemed to echo through eternity.
Patience was thin the following day-
nights were restless. The birds shivered,
feathers rattling and tails rippling.
A cold set in, as if they were flying.
There was no mysterious breeze.

The next day, the umbrellas has all popped.
One full branch, laden to sagging with umbrellas.
Striking a fine slash of colour into the sky.
Colours of unimaginable splendour popped.
Blowing in now warm wind that gusted gently.
And the birds minds were wrapped.
Captivated to be transfixed.
And they all told tales, great tales.
Of snakes, colourful snakes that mesmorised.
And the void that devoured all things.
The image that stole their minds.
Every other branch forgotten.
Their wings forgotten.
There was a ballot, of preference.
Each bird chose an umbrella.
No flying near their new shelter. No, no.
Not at all, definitely not.
Waddling along awkwardly,
hilariously for each, watching their neighbour.
Waggling their short feathery rails,
gripping with scaled and talloned feet.
Laughing and chirruping-
A mockery of song, for the day had finally come.
Nobody wondered for Julius,
infact nobody thought to continue the search.
It had only been a day and a night.
But long enough.
Not much of anything was thought.
They had simple, small minds after all.

The bananas were cast aside.
They all lived locally.
So close by, it was wonderful.
They would all rise together, as they always had, and sing.
Sing a song of the joys of life.
How luxury had just appeared one day.
How lucky they were.
They were the best of times;
some birds still flew to get sunshine,
for a lot of the umbrellas limited their exposure.
The original umbrella was forgotten,
its rainbow, on a wet illuminated day-
all but ignored.
The birds were a comfortable race,
that needed very little and were happy.

More umbrella pods grew,
some were feasted upon others went on to grow.
And the birds were able to move to colours sizes and translucencies that reflected them more on an inner spiritual level.
The time of plenty was upon them.
Choices, options and the sweetness of the fruits intoxicated.
They birds would waddle-
laughing gaily at their laze that had set in from not flying.
Their lots camraderie through the distance of umbrellas, reaching far and wide,
their discarded green banana phone technology and their wings’ feathers.
All unnecessary ideas.
The fruits became the norm.
The birds tastes had evolved.
And the Tree continued to grow.
The umbrellas grew towards a zenith,
and the greenery soon caught up and intermingled.
And in that mingling, the birds became serperated from eachother,
and the illumination of natural light.
They grew enshrouded in darkness-
and the dark grew all about them.
And they never slept.
Fore they had no idea of the time.

Where they had once laughed at their wobbling bodies,
waddling up branches. They were humbled, and afeared.
They knew nothing else than their umbrellas.
Their feathers had lost their lustre,
where first there was a fear of flying without Julius-
There was now a widespread fear of all things.
The umbrellas, gave them comfort however;
always mesmerizing in their radiant colour that seemed to glow.
The birds eyes grew accustomed to the dark.
Large bulbous things, twice the size of their heads, and for that they had two of them; making them slouch down and look beneath them.
Finally their feathered wings became bare.
Lustreless, sickly white feathers fell in the stillness.
Each feather glowed, and was mourned for.
The birds skin was pale and dry.
Red capillaries and veins of purple pulsed underneath pockered skin.
The birds in their severed contact sung a low harrowing song.
Not vigor or wistful whistle.
Brightness had abandoned the birds,
and with the lost spark of illumination faded their spirits.

They were all conscious of their bodies,
they sat their shivvering or waddling small distances.
Too self aware, paralysed from their congregation,
hyper aware, their eyes became their only sense.
They were frozen from skin to soul.
Puckered and pathetic.
Some birds connected through a mental connection they thought-
thinking that perhaps some birds had continued to follow the rainbow umbrellas.
And this brought some solace.
Whenever a thought like this occured,
a nearly featherless bird,
would tap his brush like-
feathery tail on the perch and waddle a few paces,
squinting up with a tremendous effort.
The bulbs of their eyes eventually dragging their vision back down to their pallid and scaled clutches.

This was ongoing for a time.
Repetitious lives were always wont to happen,
the birds knew shapes and size.
Mathematics was a gift to all birds.
And so they were, caught in such a circle;
they understood.
And oh my, in this time they changed.
Not for better or for worse-
the birds didn’t think in these terms.
Its the nature of all thing.
This they had learnt from the many branches of they tree that they’d explored in days and nights gone by. Oh my, yes.
they had seen a good many things,
this was a respite, and time to cogitate on all things comprehendable.
And the perspective was dazzling in the glow of the umbrellas.
Frightfully so, in the silent song that was
a highpitched tingling felt only by pimpled skin and twitching senses.
Grains and fibres of being. Nerves of some otherwordly substance-
did the birds possess. On no scale invented.
Not frozen pumpkin.
Not pucks of ice hockey.
Only the wood of the tree was hard.
And this was what the birds had felt to have in common with the natural tree.
Of which they shared, this one substance. Unnamed and unknown.
Only seen, oh yes, my. It was seen.
Those sweltering eyes.
Sweating necks. Tears ran like…

Like, it was.
And it was indeed raining.
Some that had the strength looked up and saw.
Others looked up, but their necks; like broken or unused cranks-
moth eaten rope, snapped.
And with the snap they fell.
Fell into the abyss.
The tears. The tears continued to run.
but perhaps they were of joy now, for this colour.
even in darkness, this was the brightest most beautiful turn.
More elegent, and joyous in its turn than a well executed aerial swoop.
They gorged their eyes for as long as they could.
Revelation! illumination in lightness.
Some of the birds squarked.
And many more fell from their perch.
The moment was a cacaphony to their earholes.
Striking change had been broken,
the lugubrious task of waiting. Joy, how had the rain got through?
How had the green receeded?
great circles, they knew.
but the magic of the unknown was always to remain in some of its many senses.
Beyond the comprehension of the crying birds, as the rain came down and they scratched their claws, and rubbed together their frail and pathetic fleshy little arms. They were blissfully happy, though they couldn’t show it on their dreary and strangely dull faces.
Oh and they cried.
Oh my, they continued to cry for the night.
and when they closed their eyes, finally from their exhaustion.
Unrelenting emotion taking toll.
The minds spinning whirl,
The birds minds raced, and then came crashing to silence.

Sleep engulfed them.
Peace overflowed.
And in their silent rest they dreamed.
Oh and they dreamed and drempt new words,
and dreamt songs to express their startled emotion.
They could see now. In their tiny skulls,
resting behind their closed eyes, they saw more and thought more than ever before they allowed themselves. Flying, jumping, dancing or waddling, they had never explored like this.
Incomparable.
Only their flood of tears, the downpour explained it.
And that was because of the history of the birds,
as they comprehended it. They knew nothing like this had happened in their collective memory. They discussed it at great length while they slept- they thought.
And this only scratched the surface.
That surface.

They awoke, oh yes.
Oh my, that’s right.
they awoke, to the colour.
Oscillating, bright and blinding.
Cry shock, mortified blinding brilliance.
Squarks made them rouse.
The grumbled, and gutteral dusty lungs of the unspoken.
Dust and age-old laze broke free from beaks.
soon they’d regained their senses, and more.
Though unfeathered, still.
they waddled, invigorated and sung.
The rainbow was permanent. It resonated into their souls.
it charmed and mesmorised.
Some were hypnotized and unable to sing, or communicate.
just stuck, looking up. Unknown strength, bliss in the fresh breathing.
Bliss of beauty. Benign and bright colours intermingling in an unfathomable array.

The greenery around them had receded.
Receded far.
Quite expansive in actual fact.
And the facts shone, as some of the bird realized curiously.
And where once there had been sky, which became branches and their entrapment-
Now was branches. Filled. Filled with the buds of the umbrella.
The time of plenty was back upon them.
Beaks sang while their eyes smiled comprehendingly.
Oh yes, comprehending race that they were.
Geometry, The Nature, Affects and Special Effects.
Cry almighty. Wish for such, as to be as it was.

That is, as it was thought.

The buds blossomed, quickly.
Thought the time was perhaps the same.
It wasn’t percieved so,
and the birds knew. Elation changed perception.
and that was a frightening word,
birds were never wont for using that word.

this is because “outside”, was larger than their “inside”. Bigger than their wings,
larger than their bulging eyes. and they occupied a mid-ground in exploring these two things.

The birds meditated the next night,
waiting and thinking, seeing what could next hap.

As I said, the tree’s, greenery had retreated beneath them now.
Seemingly far beneath them.
And it was a great fear that struck the birds the very next morning as they awoke.
Not for vertigo, for their historic mind was still memorably accustomed.
no, not heights. Although maybe it was.
There was no singing-
understandably they felt exposed.
But perhaps there lay something deeper,
something they hadn’t thought immediately, but was sunk in its recognition.
Their naked bodies were withered, but refreshed from their emotions.
The healing quality of heightened emotions was understood only recently, and some birds were dubious to this ideas, for the cynical nature of the bird was what had made it so successful. They were a patient conglomerate, a great parliament of people. Equal in their expression of self. For what one lacked another made up for.
This was another gift of their comprehension of mathematics.
The secret formula of percentage was said to be a play of words.
From a bird that sought refuge upon a giant boat, carved of the tree, that fell.
He has a great plumage, of black and white and helped put wind in the sails of the vessel before it plummeted. He was great, but surely he lacked.
In the digress was the fathomable thought that all things are equal, and how they express themselves in their physical state, reveals their mental state.
Though basic, there was a far greater form of the idea present in one wing of the tree’s seals branches.

And so the tree had died off.
Withered, and bent.
Like the shriveled and now drooping skin of the birds.
the tree had spent itself.
Some thought this had come from the umbrellas.
The natural order was disrupted.
The Tree had moderated its own growth perhaps.
The birds, that were not of the tree had suffered.
but only as much as the Tree had.
all things equal.

But indeed, were they?
Was this a measurable thing?

And the tree continued to fade into brownness,
and all around them umbrellas sprouted.
the birds waddled with inefficiency.
Trying to control their sprouting.
hoping for the rain to still find a path,
to fall through and nourish the land.
They worked,

Not tirelessly, they aren’t the heroes of this story.
I must admit this now before its too late. I won’t say I’m sorry either.
All I will admit is that under this umbrella I needn’t make excuses or explain more that I deem necessary. I hope you are following, there is a point to all this. Please friend. Go-on. Go. Yes, oh my yes, go. Go.

And so like one that has fallen in love,
the birds had fallen.
And yet some had not.
Not fallen so much, no.
Not literally. Like literally, that throw away emphasis.
You understand adverbs, so did birds.
They would hoot and howl to no end sometimes.
Especially in the mornings.
they were shameless, I told you all about their waiting,
their feasting gluttony and waddling.
Disgustingly unnatural.
Only resembling nature in the mush pairs I mentioned.
Oh yes, oh my.
Two of them, rubbing and mushing together as they waddled.
Sure, a time of plenty, but when will there be put boundaries-
on the unnatural.

This the birds, surely didn’t comprehend.
For it falls not in the cycle of geometry.
No it falls in a much larger hole.
Six times larger.
And its depth was that of ten.
For that was the depth the birds had dropped dates.
And the dates took 10.
A perfect 10, to make a noise.
And the noise they made sense of.
From that they drew all things,
Geometry, maths, luck and, ideals of perfection.
All the most atletic birds had ten tiny feathers.

I don’t really know all this,
but I assume, I overheard this on an open banana frequency.
-You should never trust those things.
But what a story, the added dynamism of the 10th feather.
That really tickled me.
Captured me, I believe it anyway.
Square on and fully, you understand.

So the tree died.
It withered and fell into the abyss.
The top branches came crashing down.
The infinite strength that bloomed outwards from the trunk was starved of the umbrellas that had grown of its own womb.
This was a sick unjust occurance for the birds.
They who cried that day also, but not with the aid of the rain.
That occurance had been removed.
indeed buffered against and blocked out completely.
Time struck like an unhealthy gong the day everything crashed to finality.
And the birds, still bare of skin, terminally morbid despite their best efforts;
they took the fall as they did all things by that stage-
Wide eyed.

And I suppose it would have been impossible to read.
Those poor, freckled, feckless faces.
Tragic turmoil bubbling in their veins.
What a storm must have reigned.
Above, Below and Within.

All of this I have translated from the leaf that I found.
I found it blown into my path this Autumn gone.
It took time and effort in translating, and so many bits are still without comprehension on my own side.
Like when they are confused, their words and hoots and shouts for confusion is confusion, but not as we know it.
Their writing was tiny and written down the stem of a leaf.
Tiny. I mean TINY.
Smaller than the smallest thing.
So I wonder if it was written before or after?
I like to think it was written afterwards.
Because that way something happened to them, and again they changed.
Surely they would have had to have grown,
by surety! Imagine the advancements possible to such a meet and patient people.
But they wrote it. Plain as anyone’s anything. Just there, written down the strand.
Down the bit, the bit that holds it ALL together.
Its a miracle, and i’m only just a smidgin into it.
There is more. so much more.
What they achieved!
Despite themselved you know- it has me captivated.
I’m both excited and motivated.
I can’t make anything up, I have to know it.
And everything is proofed 7 times.
Its a miracle form halfway. That makes the hairs from my head stand up-on my back.
David Goliath Burnham in all his breakfast clubs ability.

One thing that REALLY drives me on though, what happened to the birds.
They like, literally wrote this. So where are they now?
are they among us?

Oh my, oh yes, god that would make me sing.

Person 2: Oh yeah… “Among us” indeed. He laughed. “Haha, gods” Eyes wide, uncrying.

Lear n’t

Shakespeare in my ear.
Shakespeare in my chest.
Heart art and sound,
Knowledge stale and stagnant I fear.
Here I will digress.
of maybe thoughts profound.

But more likely not.
Shot my mouth out.
Blank and un-comprehending.
Stop, just stop it.
I want some sort of stimulation,
Variance. A new way for this information to go in.
Black faced and blank.
All this artistic, exclusivity and wank.
Want for inclusion, understanding and good ideas.

Why are you teaching us like this.
What’s got you so stuck in the past?
God, my eyes are sandy.
My soul dishevelled.
Maybe its my status.
Not sad, not happy.
Just waiting, some kind of transitional space.
Without a trace, blanket emotion.
I could get sad,
drunk to fell, to change.
Occupied in my space, only just.
And yet my age.
My age is something I thought on.

So 20’s. What are you fixated on. Sex, drinking? Meeting all kinds of folks.
Being a bum. Occupying yourself, by whatever means and needs you dream and deem necessary.
But 30’s something changes. You spends ten years feeding into becoming a working cog.
Bogged down in some idea, the safety and hospitality of society.
Wined and dined, feeling like everything will be OK if you just produce something.

Pretending that any one person fits my build.
I don’t think right now I like anybody.
I don’t want or need anything from anyone.
I want to be alone.
But even then the dissonance,
the need for some kind of company.
Doldrums, they have been described.
Maybe that’s what it is.
Gosh, I could bitch about this or that for hours.
and nobody would listen.
And why would I?
To what effect? Some kind of expunging of emotion.
My nervous tick?
My twitching chest.
The soreness of my left ankle, left foot,
my tired back, my bitten lips and terrible right shoulder.
The knee that will never again be the same.
The swim I never went for.
The face that is too wide.
The hair that is so unruly.
The smile with its chipped teeth.
The neck that’s too thick, like the legs that lay beneath.
the twain’s splitting from the body.
The hunger, farting, digestion.
Swelling, and sickness.
Ravenous, narcissistic inconsistent.
Wintered sitting soul that resides within the basic and boring body of a middle-man.
Not top or bottom despite the polarized feelings that flit from one to the other.
Back and forth, but only landing for the briefest instant.
Those mistakes of the unconsidered words that I so often preach.
And hairy, like a peach, my sickness grows.
Mold, festering heart of stagnation and indignation.
Maybe I just need sleep.
Rest and a day off.
The psychological battle of being accepted and knowing people.
working for the friendships,
of my underarching happiness,
inevitable as it may be.
The smell of old hippo-meat clings to the air as I enter the flat.
Put your bongs down child.
Embrace the world for it may still possess something nice.
But why do I apply onto others.
Let them be and do as they please.
Why aren’t I happy with what I have got.

Am I? Must I? Be so affected.
Is this subsistence of existence an example of growth or learning?
Yes yes, that’s certainly something that happened.
But the ship has sailed and left me on the dock,
and now I feel like i’m wasting away.
Don’t fear your bleeding teeth,
my red-reproduction – so joggers bladder overflows the cauldron of my mind,
and more. The taste in my mouth, bitter, acidic.
The coffee I take now, in a takeaway coffee cup.
The dread.
Defeat, the change which has come over me isn’t for the better.
I have lost.
Lost and lost, lots and lots.
And now I am no more, than the barnacle or cyst of one that clings-
To a chair. And man, is the chair of the board.
Bored of sitting. And yet it is just this that I must partake.
For god’s sake.
Take from me these horrible and blind feelings.
Let me sense something more,
push boundaries and experience new and exciting things in only this respect.
Where once I rode up hill, worked hard, sweated and enjoyed envy.
Not I sit miserably, un-laughing, growing fat with downcast wonder.

How can I break this.

Shave money

Today I got a haircut and a hot shave.
There’s something decidedly refreshing, relaxing and rewarding in the pampers of a haircut. The pointless chatter, the points of insight and the white lies you tell the barber. Their gentle dabbing, slapping, cutting and spraying of perfumes, oils and hair. As you fear that your look is being destroyed. Your inner turmoil over your style. The wiping, after each grating action that removes a bit of your facial hair. The concentration intertwines with the honest vulnerability. The gentle touches, the craftsman’s approach, gently assertive. Molding, shaping, sculpting.
Pushing on your chin, alignment, symmetry.
The soft skin under your chin, a hot straight razor, tests the skins surface.
The sound of leaves dragging over tarmac, or hay as it gently cracks under foot in a bar somewhere.
Out of the cold, sunny as it is this Canadian November.
Wooden interior, hanging lights, trophies mounted on the wall.
Like a ski lodge.
“Who cuts a barber’s hair?” I think to myself and I finally close my eyes to focus on the sensation of this encounter. Relaxed and trusting. No longer taking part in the conversation. Carefree. Blessed with faith; the abandon of worries that plague the new customer.

Fried’ey?

Owe vs Own. Etymology.
Arte
I should watch the doco on the cartels of lightbulbs.

Live without compromising future generations.
Genetics

Bb – Brown
bb – blonde
BB – Brown

Virus’ aren’t alive.

My jumpbled mind

Don’t forget punctuation.
“COMPLELLING”… nonsense.

In this example, Macbeth can be seen in the light of the warrior and glorified and successfully resplendent warrior at that, however this is the track for his ascension and the perceivable barriers that are placed before him only those relating to humanity and not specifically his gender, it is this link between humanity, (or humaneness) that encompass gender and the further filtering and precognition that relate to femininity and masculinity and its these trappings that Shakespeare deftly tries to peel away, identify and question.

Aow day

How do I eat this apple?

I had another thought. Progressive, reconstructive, destructive, broken, nonsense.
“Great”

Get two words.
Don’t put a space between them.
For example: Hit that
So it become hitthat
But remove a letter. A letter of your choosing for poetic effect.
For simplicity, for a fantastical and magical effect.
Don’t yothink that woulbe a gooddea?
Maybeot. Somelook better than others.
its just a typing script.
Good/bad practices that are accepted.
Like on my phone when instead of a space I put an ‘n’
Yeah manni’m good. Notngoing out tonight. Nah man it’s been a reallynbusy week.
Findingnthat space bar can be difficult. haha

Ok lets smash this

Lets smash this, give it a shot.
A full entailment, unveilment, sale mate, settlment. Mettle mean. Man a tee.
Maintenance. Countenance. Flourish. Parish. Partish.
Friends People. Messages. Megg.
meegy.
Kaito, message.
music, Rowan.
Life’s meaning.
message and attribution.
Words in a song that aren’t words, and have no meaning, yet still have power.
Are potent. And strictly emotional.
Noxos, noxis, noxes, toxic. Nocturnal.
Warm water and wine time. Fine, blimey.
Daily prayers, biblical.
Hope. Fate, death and destruction.
Darkness, and blind to the inevitable. The synapses closed, not rubbing.
Not excited, alive, human, conjoining or able.
To link all things together.
To find what I seek.
That deeper question, that function, and help, the AID of comprehension.
That black and white of the piano keys.
Touching different note, twinkling like the stars in the sky.
Pointed, visible, yet vague beyond comprehension or numerical value. No time, no effort made. Sick and deathly to be so transfixxed. Hopelessly lost.
Outstanding, subduing. Shackled by out fear of the outside.
Of laziness. Hoo-hooo?
Out sugar addictions, childish ways and mean, our loss and pathetically short, barely regimented lives. Nonsensical. Brains made to make us last as long as we can.
But sometimes thing, all things, everything we sense, speeds up. And we just glide on through.
Put your salmon down, quit and hope, spash and grab at hospitality’s hope.
Up close and personal. GOD ADS. Shame on you, but i love. Love rock planet.
I read a great sad thing about love yesterday.
People say they love objects that are inanimate objects. This is perverse and undoes our vocabulary.
People posit and position themselves in a way as to seem superior.
Where do you draw the line between the idiot, the fool and the honest. Furthermore the disabled? Who decided this spectrum? Ah yes, lets measure, chop into brains and try to demonstrate and understanding. Jesus CHRIST. I could blagg, I could brag,, be a god among all in a world of the demented. How sporadically functional I could well be. Lets play the drums.
The hairy hairy drums.
Pool and silk. Sex on the pool table.
An album tour, by the vasco era.
Define all those words.
ANACHRONISTIC.
yes yes yes yes yes.
would the writer murder his own mother for money, thankyou Faulkner.
and the poetic, uprising, damned.
The yellow smoke and hating yourself.
The cat meets dog, analogy, growing old but still tempted, disturbing and honest.
Lemon pie apple tart organised. Orgies and door men.
The woman in charge of the lift has her ups and down.
I use my work to drive me, onwards to other tasks.
Coward, but hey we’ll revisit this moment perhaps, one day and wonder, yes yes we will wonder.
And THE LIGHTHOUSE, it could well be good, i’ve heard good things after all.
and that beady eyed bastard wasn’t all that bad. Thankyou for Bon Iver.
BONHIVER.
BON-EE-VER.
Reminded me of “and then I just chundered everywhere”
Gap year bollocks. GAP YAHH.
I’m literally in BURMA.
and all the jazz, about “PRAH” Per-ahh… *Peru*.
yaaaa! PRAH darling.
Language and its functions. Hypocrisy will always be for me.
Guzzle guzzle, swollen eyes and world wards.
We are all dehydrated.
Something to mark the time, scars and all.
Burns, victims, insatiable hunger.
How long for a full reset.
Wipeout, meltdown, shut-down. Tones and whistles as the bombs fall.
What will tomorrow bring?
Don’t forget to vote, if you want to.
People don’t have to vote.
Some aren’t qualified.
Imagine if there was one person for the time, that was qualified and because of the majority, the platform, mischance of sick and wayward, weird hap of stance and chance, change and make us all blind to fact and necessity.
But if it is, then it would and if it didn’t then… Nothing.
aye laddie. Nothing.
Don’t leer or Lear. For nothing.
That is all.
Signifying nothing, pah and fie and hark.
And all that jazz.
find me a tune that inspires beyond.
I’m yet to finish this drink and feel up to this.
Feet cold, not ever. Not like last night.
Added Bruno to my friends list on facebook, there is my one mention per day.
God life can be structured and banal.
Tour.
VASCO.
Frosted flakes!

I wonder if somewhere out there.
I wonder if somewhere out there, there are people that think like me.
With the same beliefs, hopes and fears.
They see the lights of the city at night.
And they see an opal.
They see the planet as a macrocoms.
They see the planet as a microcosm.
The big is small and significant.
The significan is an unseen natural order.
“Gravity dude” – as a fool once repeated to me, over and over.
God how that annoyed me. I’ve the blessed trouble of asking why.
The problem. The task, the innate.
I am the boy looking up,
looking out, smiling and fighting tears in the cold wind.
Tired but a moment from coming into energy.
Just wait. I digress. A poor man’s mind.
Man oh man.
Unconscious, eyes open to all I do not see.
Floating, in and above.
Full of air – don’t you see.
I bet there are people out there like me.
I should look, I try to ask.
But I can’t explain my ideas.
I’m bad. Not the best.

So the world is like an atom.
The motion of the solar system around our sun.
The sun is the centre of some middle manifestation.
A giant part of what we can comprehend using sight – directly.
It takes so much time to set up in the mind, like pins.
Like bowling but so far from it.
The materials that make everything up.
Our definitions and language is so young.
Our consuming a sickness.
Unsustainable I think, I worry we’ll die out before we get the brains to fix us.
To get factual, not mumbo and jumbo.
If our planet was once green and the burning off of fossil fuel causes the darkness, what will we become.
Will earth turn arid. A red planet in Time?
From Green and Blue to Red.
What are the materials that we attribute to colour.
I look out at night and I see the Opal.
We attribute wealth to stones, and we see them for their colour, their makeup,
strength, use and after a fashion their allusion to our internal.
How strong are these stones?
How durable and sure of themselves.
Are we planet from emerald and sapphire to DIAMOND?
Will we glisten and reach outer space?
Or will we turn ruby, burn up our resources and become barren, like clay or dessert sand. Common and disfigured? When was our charcoal stage?
Were the ice ages us as a snowball? Can we last? Do we just dig?
Bury our heads in the sand, as the heat rises around us, we’ll suffocate.
Selling fresh air, if that’s our future then I know why she did it.
Why she ended it all.
But there’s so much, much to experience that can be a little blessing.
Couldn’t your sickness have just riddled you and left you ridden on the couch.
I know pleanty that would have ridden you, just not me.
Not your breath. Not your own charcoaling of your soul.
My aversion to the burnt smell of tar.
I am afraid of the pitch within my mind, so I need it not on the breath of loved-ones, nor in their lungs.
Is cancer curable? Are the insufficient systems in place at the momement just a business opperation? Skinny love, put on your beanie, step out into the cold.
Hang it all.
Ask my friend Rhys, Reece bars. I am be twix.
Why not wine about it all.
Fill that void, he said. Fill the void with what?
I don’t know, you just occupy the space, hand no hankerchief or tissue, what’s with the importance of the tears and snots that you wipe up anyway.
Significane is again misattributed.
Are we all just posturing?
caught on a small, minute and miniscule loop of thought?
Potty trained for all things?
Quick quips, lost in the already occured.
Gods the tears stream.

Seizure as placebo thing.
Bit hands that reach for your mouth.
Save your tongue,
blood, blood, blood everywhere.
And my tears dried in my mind.
And I just watched.
Cold feeling.
Sensation.
Emotion. Stunning,
Oh I was stunned.
Sick, morose and morbid.
Useless, but allowing myself my only function.
Stare, comprehend, judge, allow affection.
The rise and drop.
Sugar.
I’m sorry.
I’m so bloody sorry.
I wish I could have made self sacrifice.
That wonderful look you had.
Those games.
The games we play.
Nails pinching eyelids.
For fear of missing the watch.
Stay awake, or go away.
Choose if you think you are,
if you think you can.
Nature nurture.
Genie elements.
The suicide narrative, but none of their parents did it?
Because, oh well maybe, they reproduced then did it..
“them’s the times” alack. A lack of knowing, is always with me.
Why and the why of whys.
Sloppy rig, be dashed!
let me loathe.
Loath for want of something else, always.
Put your sugars away,
lock them in a tower.
its all been done.
Unique? We are duped.
The duplicity of my reality, the tandem, and retardation of my mumbling grumbling quantom of nonsensical wantonness for friendship and shared numbness. A lostness, hope for a wrapper for my life.
To tell me, with instructions what was needed then, will be needed then. And then and then and then.
Now and then and then. Future and past and so.
So what?
Sew.
my fucking holy shorts.
Eat my shorts.
What’s that doll?
Running hot. Cold feet, piano and my thoughts.

Will the planet ever be green again?
Will we outlast the Topaz in the sky?
I can’t even stare at it.
Its unreal to me.
I can only bask in its glory.
I know why you believe in god.
Its like the sun.
Pray.

What the fuck is going on here.

When you exercise do you steal energy from the universe?
Why am i still thinking so small.
God dammit.

Surely there is something smaller than atoms.
we aren’t so naive to think we’ve discovered the ULTIMATE building blocks to all things. Our rules for science and are the best we’ve got and we’ve got shit.
Smeared on walls, or broken down and recycles, constructions made from trees.
Suffocating in the byproducts. Our bipolar disorder of dread and happiness sought oscillates, reverberates, ripples through us all. Is shared, as a burden on naivety that can’t reach beyond the clouds.
Bi-products -haha.
Thanks for the lollies.

So there must be something smaller than atoms.
What causes gravity?
You can’t see it.
Do we just use maths and the word QUALITIES?
Can we understand that we’re lost in the mist?
We’re blinded by the sequins of the sky.
And this address and broken my own heart and its tragic.
Tragic.

Our size. Matters.
We aren’t large or small.
We don’t HAVE perspective.
I don’t mind the creations-
the ideas and constructions of shapes.
perfection doesn’t exist?
Then we deny the function of our days.
There is mystery.
But there is order, is happening.
Action. Fear reality or not?
Do I stand and try to prove this to myself?
As my chest rises and falls.
I could climb on the roof, hell!
Yell and shout, cause a fuss.
and money, oh the money i’d pay.
And the death row i’d be on.
Skid row.
A skid mark of society.
My day to fucking day.
Jesus Christs. Girl.
Baby. Squeeze lime into my eye.
what do I want.
What do I want to say.
What do I attribute value?
Destroy me, let this dead guy sleep.
Put me in a washing basket,
heavy soil.
tumble dry.
Hit me with the spade,
Cut my throat with the blunt tool.
Knock me out, see if my will,
my thinking, wanting, need for life.
A desire keeps me on-going.
Maybe i’m too torn from the real.
Maybe I’m ahead of myself.
But I want to share, to ask honestly.
because I want to know
WAN’T
WAN”T
‘WANT”
To know, if you’ll help me attribute value, share and understand.
I’m afraid.
I’m alone, annoyed and the fear and dishonesty.
The scarecrows wandering each day.
Nobody, the sheets that you are wrapped,
ensnared.
God my headache.
Watch this shit,
this ship- go down.
How long is our moment.
Naked getting.
Economies, trade and survival.
Put the money where the mind is.
And just be happy.
First place in the race to nowhere,
nothing and doom.
Sparring and sparks, are meaningless.
Is the journey of Niggle and Marlow important?
How long will their memory last?
THIS IS WHAT DETAINS ME.
THIS AND THE MACROCOSM AND ITS SAMENESS TO THE MICRO.

You’ve got your mother eyes.
I don’t.
What’s going on?

Twice!

They say “TWICE” on a condom advertisement.
Like having sex twice is some sort of unicorn moment.
Strange.
My teacher today said “Literally” as a throw away complimentary adverb.
Strange emphasis if you ask me.

I had a dream a few nights ago. Passed? Past? Nights past.
I’ve had dreams of loose teeth. And then finally I had a progression, my teeth from the top back corner of my mouth came out. But a great many came out in a solid block of my bloody gumline. I don’t know what it means.
I wonder if we are all one consciousness, some kind of hive mind, all intersharing information on a sensational level that we are yet to understand.
If that’s the case, I wonder why there are some people I don’t like, or don’t understand on a face value.

I’m drinking peppermint, tea.
And spending most of the rest of today in bed.
I am shattered.
I wonder how many of the different variety’s of pear I have tried?
I have a lot a lot of reading to do.
Better find me some references and set some alarms in the event that I nod off before class again.
The struggle is real.