You went from free to not in the space of a day.

I wonder at paper, how it’s made is it sustainable?
Just to write a letter and throw it on last night’s fire.
It’s Easter. We are reborn.
Begin anew you glutton. White flesh rolling over itself. Pimpled in placed, jagged scars, rot exposing organs, a chain for an arm. So vast are you, you blot out last nights bloodmoon. Eclipse the eclipse.

You are the ragged Clouds, the white picked bones.
The rib cage of the earth.

ROY G. BIV!
That’s how you remember the colours, top to bottom of the rainbow.
Red
Orange
Yellow
Green
Blue
Indigo
Violet

Put those colours on a colour-wheel and spin it. Guess what colour is created.

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune.

Does humanity display and function under the influences of Hive Mind?
What is our goal, our endgame? Can we jump from one Earth to another just like it?
Does that make us a plague? – I don’t think so.
Alex said: “ducks move south for the winter”. I agree.
Chi said: “The smart people will just leave the cray-fisherman behind”.
Taking their embryos with them…

How far can you zoom out in your mind and witness what we are doing.

Hive Mind is one thing I’d like to learn more about.
——_–_-_-_—____—-_-_–_
With a Mad Grin
“Don’t worry, you fit in”
____-_—-_-_–_-__-____–_–

Ideas in your head are great
But not all of them make the grade
Your proposals are a state!
Look what you’ve gone and made.

Movies, Books, Paintings, Buildings.
Words! Doors!
They are flawed.

The ideas people have,
The world around us
The creations, of the creative mind.

Structures for example. The majority of people are “qualified” in that regard,
tempered by society, well read in their field. Ideas chewed over at the dinner table, or in the lounge room eating. Infrastructure, it makes sense. Most of the time. Ofcourse it has to, it has to be “safe”. So thats a good idea. Lets build it.

There are plenty of ideas out there. Plenty of designs. The ones that spring to mind are the ones that are pretty good on the whole. PENCIL – yeah that was a good one. Good idea, whoever came up with that one. Nice one. Quality design. How the fuck did you get that lead in that wood? Anyway BRILLIANT.

Bowls, spoons, yes food. Food for thought. More good. Feed the brain.
Cups! Bottles. All very nifty.

Movies. Oh dear, now we’re slipping. VHS! DVD! BLU-RAY… All fantastical ideas. That mode and medium for explaining and sharing, who could knock the way that television has enabled us to learn and share ideas without leaving the comfort of our own houses. It’s brilliant. Isn’t it? Isn’t it…?
I suppose with the huge influx of information in the modern world (I wanted to spell it welled just then)- I suppose we can pick and choose what we learn about. The info is right there. Just sit down, make a cheese toasty [another gem] and LEARN, find out other peoples’ ideas. Information stored! It’s like an interactive book. The television.

But hang on. Some of the plot lines of those movies… Which was my point that I missed making above. People came up with movie plots. People. Other people just INVENTED those images. That info! That V-for-Vendetta, Solaris (with Clooney: that bastard, of a film). What i’m saying is there are ideas, they are made into things. And most(?) are good, some at bad.

People are different. My tastes, literally are different to every single person in the world. My one experience of one thing would be experienced differently by 7billion other people in the world.
Physical taste different. Musical tastes, my ears hear differently, my brain understands differently. Inherently we are all similar, but the sound I hear – ONE SONG, and any song at any one time is different.
The emotional responses triggered!
All the innumerable avenues that your mind experience with each and every THING that you witness, and “live” at any moment is different is different.

There are more songs recorded at this moment in time than you will ever have time to listen to.
One life, too many songs. I’m so sorry. I listen to placebo over and over and over again. I know and love the lyrics; old and new. I wonder if that is time wasted.

So ideas! Some are good, some are bad and its in the eye of the beholder.
People say that anyway. Its a cliche.

Decision are made. Political decisions, because people get together and share their way of thinking.  What they’ve witnessed and experienced.
Views of the world, idealised(?) or otherwise and they share, people share and make a call.
Starting with:
“I think”
“I would like”
“I hope”
“we all”
“you have”
“they”

Last year my goal was to stop saying I hope. I wonder now if that was a good idea, it didn’t make much of a ripple in my life. Just a word choice after all. I never gave up hope, I just think the world over uses it. I would like to see people use “hope” sparingly. Hope can be your religion. Hope can have no strings attached, its communicating a prayer to someone else.
Use it when you feel it. Acknowledge when you receive it, whether its just a ripple or a great wave. Let hope wash over you. We all hope this life will amount to something.
And I’d like to think that we have a hand in our plunge forward, into life.

“Have a hand”, sounds godly doesn’t it.
Not all ideas are good was my point before. Everyone can say that, but not everyone can agree which is which.

Haha.

An ideas i’ve been working on recently:
“The Patient Overdose.”
&
“The Charity”

Save your voice for praise and nothing more.
I ate sad apples, fresh, though they’d been boiled.
Is that where these feelings and thoughts are coming from?
She’ll be apples.

Immune system you say.
What’s that?
Honestly, what are we talking about.
How come we say things we don’t understand-
why don’t we look into these things-
Curiosity: washed down the plug hole.
What do YOU visualise?
Explain to me if you can.
Riddle me your understanding.
Talk! Take me on an adventure… if you can.
Be smart, be funny, engage me.
Otherwise sit quietly.
Save your, words for, praise-

and praise alone.

Theatricality. Is a word I learnt today.

Fourth Wall? What’s that?
I don’t write for an audience.
If I did, it would be for the 5th.
Blow, the, fucking, roof, right, off.
I’d scream-
Scream my ideas to the sky for what they’re worth.
Knock down all the walls.
Use your body as my stage.
A conquest of tomorrow’s disregard.

Fighting something at the moment.
Feeling well and truly in the bin.
Been on the academic wagon lately,
Struggling to find that balance between education, sunshine and happiness.
Feeling old. To rise tomorrow at 7. Me oh my!
I’m blaming all this on the fact I used a public toilet today.
Disgusting. haha

I thought to myself as I sat and read profanities on the closed door.
“If everyone wrote in toilet cubicles, there would be no room eventually”
“Where would the original cubicle writers turn?”
There are puns to be had there, but i’ll safe it up for a later date.

I’m concerned with my motivation for university at the moment.
A business degree! What a wonderful idea, I need to be practical and more hands on.
I need to work harder and save, I need to learn by doing.

Additionally:
I must practice French for my test in 2 days.
How would you say “freaking out” in French?
I don’t know…

Lay face down and watch nature.

Don’t worry when nature takes no time to look at you.
Its what you get. You are human and the few billion people like
me, like you, are out there doing the same thing.
Not paying attention.

Immerse yourself in their world as you please though!
Lay down with the dirt and the clumps of grass.
-Be patient-
Over time you’ll see, this little echo system.
Beetles. Bugs. Squirming, scuttling creatures right past your nose.
Hold your breath, its magical.
A new world you always kind of new about-
but never investigated.
How many worlds like this exist out there?
Only one world.
Outside, experience it.
Live it.

I’ve been feeling a bit stressed.

Last night I experienced fate.
I ate fruit, I saw a play, I laughed so hard with a friend I nearly puked.
I walked, and walked.
And said some vast things. And joked.
I said my ant joke. I literally cried.
I scared myself. I scared him.

I told him he needed to write down everything being said.
I told him he wrote in farts.
And when he didn’t write in farts he wrote in water.
This was hilarious.

Then I told him of my dream before coming out to see the play.

“TENDRILS”
Just a word. A really bright girl once used on me, to describe her own brain.
“Ugly!Beautiful! Word” I thought.
And so came about my dream:

Spiders of the Mind.

This dream begins like an MTV movie/music clip.
There is a ship, on water. Old.
Its foggy. And the water is passive.
The ship is like a galleon(maybe) with a sealed, single room hull.
The ship has cannon slots, or perhaps oar holes: up and down both sides.
This ship is still.
Connected to the ship are what look like spiders webs.
All the webs, dense and white they hang.
Sagging just above the water like elongated hammocks,
Connect to the ship through the many holes that otherwise fit the oars and cannons.
The camera is a goldy 3rd person, closing in on the ship.
The gloom is so thick.
When the camera looks like its going to hit the hull of the ship-
It passes into the single long stretch cabin.
There’s hay on the ground, and its a long narrow wooden ship hull.
Sitting in the middle of the ship cross legged is me.
My hair is white, some parts are braided.
Other bits are single strings. All taught.
Horizontal my hair is pulled and flowing out:
Out, the holes in the ship walls.
I am thinking.
These are my tendrils. A web of my ideas, my connection to the outside.
The world is at large outside of this ship.
The pictures’ exposer changes and everything lightens to bright white.
Pure white.
We refocus, *slow motion*.
My hair is being cut. My beautiful, white locks are clipped back to nothing.
Shaun.
There is a calm on my face and the tendrils that reach out of the ship sag.
Sagging into the water, these connections fade away to nothing.
Some splash and sink, but most fall gently and are gone.
Inside the hull of the ship its just me.
There lies some hair on the ground-
But it is no longer attached to my head.
I am alone with my thoughts, the world cannot share:
Cannot ask of me –
while I cannot experience.
Outside the ship is still.
The water is still.
The tendrils are cut.
I am a hermit.
Alone with my thoughts,
Away from the expectation of others.
Cross legged I sit.
Who cut my hair?
Where are my tendrils?
Am I at peace now?
What of the outside world?
Its not over, but there is nothing now.
My ship floats upon calm and foggy waters.
I have no cannons,
I have no oars.
My tendrils are cut,
Alone completely.
Waiting for new growth.
Thinking only, of the spiders of my mind.

***
Aditionally!

Some hilarious things were seen and said.
We saw a woman dressed, literally as a vagina
(for the lowest common denominators out there).

– If we could tie all the goings on of this evening into a bow. Tonight has been a gift.

-far out I wish my hands were as warm as pee

– flowerpress this evening, our movements/our words, paint them black and white, shrink it down and put it on a film slide. Do this for every day of your life. Watch that film. Then get the slides and overlap them. This is the pattern of your life.

-justify everything, over and over again. K-hole.

– I feel creaky inside

– Brain function. Explaining brain functions as they occur. Then have Deja Vous. Continue explaining, look left, active left side of brain. Look right, active right side of brain.
Think of every possible outcome of what you are saying, think both contexts, the contrasting reactions you may receive. Freak yourself out. Forget what you are saying, forget which reaction you received. Look left! Left side of brain.
Explain your terrible use of humour.
“Stop!”
“never mind! Its a witches hat”
“haha, sorry that wasn’t funny”
“Its called Witches hat Humour”
“Its like a baseline lowest form of comedy. You should avoid it, like sarcasm”
“like when you’re doing drils and you use witches hats”
“Drills…”
“Like tendrils”
“Yes, exactly that’s funny how that’s been linked”
“What are the chances? This adventure fells a bit like going from here to there, here to there…”
“Like exercise drills”
“Yeah”
“like we started our night there and now we’re here, going back there… like a drill”
“yeah…”
“I said everything in life is 50/50 before. Black and white you know?”
“yeah I remember”
“Well like, we made it from the play to the bar across town like I planned”
“but our plan was for both of us to meet my friend, but you went to the toilet and missed him”
“So like, instead of my plan failing… And instead of my plan succeeding… It’s half that!”
“HALF”
“so like… 50/50”
But complete and incomplete.
“But it’s not that black and white.
Is it?

…Loading.. Done.

Lying to her is a man on the telephone.
Saw straight through that fucking scam.

I’m pissed.
No. She’s pissed.
I’m amplified, severe. Grim.

“Sell yourself to a convict for a biscuit”
Spirit all over you, inside you.
Whore! Wretched! Moron, you disgust me.
Now we’ve embarked and we must try, stay afloat.

“partone”

A house adore’
Fire!
Lit up.
Two pits
Piss holes in the snow.
For eye.
Balcony now
Roof gone,
A starry
Ceiling
Blot out
With smoke
And heat-
Alight-
All gone, now
Flight,
Fick the switch
Not bad?
Negative…
Language-
Let go
I’m here!
In this-
Instant
Not forever
Now. Never.