Singing songs yesterday that include the word chosen by someone in the group.
Harder than it sounds. Maybe If I did more karaoke.

I have a mass of energy today.
Productive procrastination.
Ahhh the sugar in the tea. That’s what did it.
Useless brain, chose words that don’t rhyme.
The last sip of tea is what pushed me over the edgy, energy to excess.
Alas.

Blah blah blah. I went OK in my exam today. I had hoped to get a few different poems. But I got nothing. It was a bit of a disaster. Not to worry.
Exam on philosophy’s logic (arguments) will be later tonight at 7pm.

I bet i’ll have worn myself out by then. Shucks.
My eyes are not fully awake.
My day has begun. This is how you get die-a-bit-ey-zzz.
Diabetes. Yes good, spelling good.

I swear its everyone’s birthday at the moment. We’re 10 months in. That January month when ever parent was getting busy. Naturally! Good on em.
But that means I need to write a lot a lot of messages to do myself justice.
JUSTICA.
Maybe not. Weird.
and the girl next door. Named? Weird.
So strange. Ugh I feel full of energy, my mouth is sweet and sour.
I shaved my beard.
I need to be more productive. Surely. Ok study. I will study.

Pipe dream, what did I come on here for? I think I had something to say.
Yesterday I went for a hike.
Oh I should upload those photos and buy a sim card.
Yes yes yes, I should do that. Hmmmm, that’ll happen.
Tomorrow, yes. Number, sim, yes.
What else.
The park, the hike. Alcohol the night before.
Edward went to hospital to get his appendix out.
Timing is terrible! Shucks.
Poor guy.
I went out, got chuggin crazy. Danced with some folks. Met some girls, danced; got air, went back in, danced. So many bodies. So sweaty. Not feeling chatty, just observing people. Standing in a corner, crooked up against the wall, my perch.
I was studying people’s dress. Their fashion. I was a creep I suppose. Silent, watching. Gross politics. Maybe I was getting some fresh fucking air.
I wasn’t staring or gazing or gesticulating or prying or demanding or putting anything on anyone. I stood, recovering, breathing, finding composure. Resting and thinking to myself in a public venue. Alone. And there was nobody at fault.

I jumped over a bike that night. it was ordinary. Some other guy tried to, and he failed. Failed bad. It was so simple, yet… when drinking some people make themselves the example of difficult. The define themselves and their misalignment with mind and body. Trash is as trash does and they were trashed and did a trashy job. Screaming irish banality. Funny and useless. Fall fall fall away. I will suggest, observe and smile. Laughing eyes for the world’s meet and great.
Feet feet feet- happy birthday Eden. From head to toe.
I mean little but say much. This was my intention I think.

I’ll jog afterwards. Yes yes, I’ll do that. Then lunch – eggs probably. Followed by intense cramming. Jolly good. What a splendid afternoon.

Children and the decision.
You cannot live forever-
only pass on your genes.
Xo. Think a little.

Is it narcissism,
experience or mindless
and misguided continuum
Hopeful, weird, uselessness.

Rife with strife.
Wife the knife.
Dagger before me.
Aye, that’s she.

Run and run and run and run and run.
Stuck, friendless with the illness.
Sickness. Out of sorts.
Close to tears, lonely without motivation.
Strange, jarred. Directionless.

I have a growth.
I have a blister.
A swelling of illness.
“The sickness”
The killer inside me –
acting. Upon my mind heart and soul.

I was asleep.
I need present.
I need this gift.
I stand in a field like a cow.
All cud.
Chewing, doe eyes.
Soft gentle, single minded.
But for direction.
Control.
Give me delusion.
Allude, allume.
Illuminate. Exterminate.

Ughhhhhhh let me run now.
Let me go.
Mindless body and soul.
If I am but an energy transfer let me steal what there is.
I will take and take and take.

All-ways. Missing.
I am so missing.

This is my moment abroad.
Swollen feelings of sadness.
Memories of people, scars all brought up in a dredge of painful emotions.
Reminders. Rocks, baggage and burden that didn’t fit or fall through the sieve.

Why do I forget breakfast but not these wounds.
All have built me.
Made me.
Great… I am made.
happy holidays, you bastarts.

We are the apex predator
This marks the end of the world
Ned said to Jed, my editor.
How has this come unfurled.

Like this!
Quite like this.
If we could all just take a day.
One day off to try and play.

Here comes the dread.
Mark it well I said.
Times have changed,
Our progressions derranged.
Those wishes upstaged.
World’s critical age.

I feel there is something going horrible wrong.
This is why kids pull bongs.
They worry, and give meaning to none.
Sandwiched between confusion and chaos for a bun.

Primary school,
the marvel of kids.
Honestly’s fool.
And now we’re on skids.

But no time to break-
or rest up. Even a little.
These lost souls shake,
with dribble and spittle.

My foreign acquaintance.
A pleasure to meet.
Borders boundary, the offence and fence.
Protection marks isolation, grovel my feet.

Keep on walking I say.
Run, bare foot through the streets.
Walk off your troubles.
Smile if you can muster, nice kinds of meats.

Frightened bleats.
Desolation greets.
Cereal treats.
Worrying Keats.
And all because of rising heats.

And the going gets harder,
the hurdles higher.
Basement and larder.
Go up in the fire.

Until our bellies.
Like our souls.
Are finally empty.
And the food that works to numb the pain,
our painkiller for most of all things.
is in its last refrain.
And we fall from our olympic rings.

Making our way,
plodding to the gallows-
the end is what follows.
Thankyou for this brief stay.

Time to go.
Thinking of tomorrow.

-Is food a painkiller?
Is starving oneself by choice closely associated to pain?
“Sometimes food”.

Today I bought mars bars for the trip to the park this weekend.
I really ran out of steam this afternoon.
Lots of jogging – leading me to flatline.

Got some white shirts for free.
Woke up late after a big day yesterday of studying, followed by a much deserved beer.
My English pal tried to hook me up with one of his friends. Its amazing just how little effort I can put in. I just shut down. Its like playing dead to hide from bears or something. Karaoke nights. Not so bad – what a uniting thing to do.
Some guy sang Blur songs. That was really nice, his name was Mat.

I need to plan Montreal with the guys.
Go for a Jog.
Finish my assignment.
Study for exams next week.
Maybe i’ll go to the museum.
Run across the bridge.
Much, much to do-
Scholarships have been applied for.

The freestore, next door is brilliant.

Time to float on.
Macbeth show tomorrow.
many, many readings.

Surely I have cancer.
Why do I feel so off?
When you use poetic structures that are obvious and you are respected you and cast rhetorical questions as you want and people will just not.
What is IT all about?
I hear me scream and shout.

Simple minds have always confused great honesty with great rudeness.

Ignorance is bliss ->
Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom in heaven.

I’m lost in poor translations.

Because you are simple minded you can do no evil?
You will never harm anyone.

One: big, retarded “bless you”.
You are the societal sneeze.

You are your experiences.
You are all things that affect you.
The one hundred year old man that escaped drank and ate too much.
He went with the flow, blew things us, became a spy, caused the deaths of others.
I am torn, is life fatalistic.
Do things just happen, can we look towards nature for the answers for the universe?
Dose our own existence need to occupy the most of our thoughts.
Existentialist theory blah blh blah blah blah blah.
Cigarettes,
Cause effect, early death, exhaustion, poor health. Self sacrifice.
Caught in conversation with yourself and the end of the world, whether its yours-specifically or everyones. “who cares” – they’ve all been saying.
“see you on the other side” for others.
I feel full,
Slimey, sluggish.
Chubby cheeked.

Longest relationship? 3 years?
Who knows. Does it matter now. The follow on effects. I am a product.
Packaging is so so wasteful.
every time I buy something. consumption.
Laugh and grow fat, toil toil toil the world away to ashes.
Fire and brimstone.

I remember the first; the Cure played.
I cried like onions hung over my hear.
Boys don’t cry.
Bombshell.
T-shirt.
Belly, skin and hair.
Curls and dry… dry dry.
Must I change.
Find new ventures.
Seek out my strife.
Strive for better in myself. Peoples reactions, motives, words and actions hurt me.
I am evil-eyed.
And the world reflects.
No rainbows here, my shape allows for only ugly-ness to mirror.
The cracks are appearing.
Pots and pans.
I wont be young forever.
what, ‘o what are we doing here.
Can I be any other way but this.
Pineapples and Pictures.

I dont know who, what, how or why.
my hearts broke’open like the sky.
I’m not copin’ feelings rust.
So i’m in bed, awake. Needs must.

Tonight i’m away, distant afar.
I don’t have mood of mind-
to find out who you are.
I’m tryin’ to be kind.

Speak native, commonn friends.
Until time do us part
the night arrives at wits end.
and still my heart.

I wish at times never it start.
Combined inner and outer
Same shopping mart and kart.
And your only decision the router.

Why fee, why fie, why foe. Why fum.
My heart poorly poured through wifi’s doldrums.