The joker

T-ANG tang taad.
“Thats a deaf touch, (during table tennis)” but i mean deft with a silent T. Deaft with a silent T is deaf?

Half a day without food in a group and your company is dire.
Insufferable- chilled silent, useless, strange and wasteful.
Perhaps I was trying too hard. Maybe you’re unwilling to join and jest.
I hate you, i fucking hate you. Everyone.
My strangeness stings, my bar, bad parking, wanton jokes.
You ignore my cheap-shots, smile and move on.
Your heartbeat quickens
Mine stays the same “normal”
How do we make the emotions work?
Stolen pavements. Headstones and criminal activity.
Flash lights and awkwardness.
Totally; my big brother.
And the rules? What about the rules.
Bat bat bat. Back and forth. We drive, we wish we hope and delay.
No wonder we don’t like crowds. We’re not brilliant; shameless or anything.
A non-event human. Interactions flounder.
Brilliance tarnished. Worn, lost.
Fragile returns to the homestead.
Plastered lostness. Queer stapled to our heads with friendly staples.
“You’re putting your foot in your mouth with ice skates on, getting all joker up in here…
Now i know how you got all those scars” a beautiful image.
And i tired, really instigated, economical. Body moving.
Hair of the dog in the back seat. My choices, my energy usage.
Weirdoes, talking about themselves.
Posturing, fighting, missplacing thoughts ideas, smiles and arguments.
No idea, like drowned fish in the rain.
Tails flopping, side on. Shy eyes and a captured spirit.
Kids, one and all. Over the banister,
Down the stairs. This is the place she bumper her head.
The corner, sick fear of my reaction.
Fixed fixation. This rock; tick tock.
Fuel, caring meaninglessness.
This is the sport we lost her. Blooded tsunami of the mind.
And my heart breaks.
Beer and all. The fall of the matron. Matriarch, mother.
Pouring guilt, loss and love and corrupted spirit.
Manifest hunger, tiredness, stress and psychopathic worry.
When will i break it all down.
And in the rubble rebuild.
For now a headache, fear and the joker.

I want to outstay my welcome but i’m not going to.

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