Systems of knowledge.
“we’ve missed you” – what a thoughtful and lovely expression. We.
Tomorrow I run.
Today I am run down.
Self disclosing to a friend of mine.
Her and I speak of other girls in my life. I deflect.
The undertones of “what about”. I speak of my general uncomfortability around others.
She says that looking at me from her vantage point I must sometimes see conversation as some kind of performative floor, upon which I generally stand and thus own. She also mentioned that I come across as hostile to other people encroaching on that space. I acknowledge that. I suppose I should be more encouraging. But I run high stakes. Which is doubly sad for this lad as my skills and want is generally light hearted. Judgement is shallow, communication is a safety net of noise, distraction and comfort.
I hate to over engage and read too much into what people are saying.
To my freckled friend after she’d powdered her nose I said:
“Freckles are the lipstick of the sun, thus universally loved is she and I”.
The stars have graced us with their touch, and we should be happy and acknowledge that much.
My sister drops the large knife she used to cut vegetables.
Lots of oil. The oven pre-heated.
“TO BE TRULY BAD YOU MUST HAVE A VOICE”.
This is neither good nor bad.
It simply is.
The weather last week was a gale.
The weekend. Sporadic.
Last minute. Old friends hide and don’t take time.
My barriers. My want and waste of life forces and energy on others because of my firm belief in systems and networks of society.
Belief in oneself. A capacity, a question an comfort.
Invitations. Hospitality. A gown. warm flesh trumps broken bones.
By aching heart and safe distance your efforts will be my reward as I lay here-
The way you say things and how I translate them will always be wrong.
Whatever she said was not what she meant.
How could a friend say such a thing.
Why would I change? What noise are you making?
Your interpretation is flawed as your perspective is not my own.
Why are we doing this?… SILENCE.