Everyone wasted.
mum, dad, my brother and sister and I.
My family, My life. The people around me.
I hide in a shell.
A tiny man. Scared and alone.
I find out where shells come from.
I google info.
I listen to the way people speak,
What they say,
I use the same language.
I am basic.
I am hunger I am sadness.
I fear. I worry. I function.
I hold my palms face up, to show everyone my presence.
I am here, and so are you.
Watch. Agree. Nod nod nod nod nod.
Posture posture posture.
I’m going to eat until I vomit.
I want to have more ideas.
I should bring to the table everything I have and search for more.
Under the shell, there is a shadow.
Above me is the sun.
I am the son.
I am wasted.
I do not understand.
I will forget until I die.
I will write until I am admitted.
My successes and failures are a stain that erode and wash away and will barely influence me while i’m alive. Hardly noticeable to other, barely mentioned by me. And in death. What? A book – no. More like an image. Hand drawn, confused with skill-less aptitude. Simple, like me. Wasted like me. A napkin, raised in the fist, clutched by the next being; just as useless.

But, but nothing goes to waste.

Stop, stop feeth.

I AM AT UNIVERSITY TO STUDY.
I LIKE THE LIFE-STYLE; SAVE MONEY, TRAVEL, BE PASSIONATE, WORK A LITTLE.
MY DEGREE WILL GIVE ME OPTIONS, FOR NOW IT GIVES ME TIME AND A TRUE NORTH.
I BELIEVE HEALTHY MIND IN TURN YIELDS A HEALTHY BODY.
LIFE WILL THROW CHALLENGES MY WAY.
PEOPLE ARE BORN: WE WERE ALL CHILDREN
PEOPLE LIVE: SOME GROW; WE ALL EXPERIENCE
PEOPLE DIE: NOBODY ESCAPES DEATH.
FIND SOLACE IN THIS;
THE MANTRA, THE CYCLE.
PEOPLE: BIRTH, LIFE, DEATH
FOCUS UPON YOUR LIFE
THOSE THAT CAME BEFORE
AND THOSE EVER AFTER:
TIME CURES ALL WOUNDS.
DEATH IS SOME CURE.
LIFE IS OUR BURDEN
BIRTH, EVOLUTION, MAGIC AND LAUGHTER.

This was my whiteboard for the past month. It did not inspire me. I was not organised. I am smack bang in the middle of a panic attack thanks to my own inability to use my mind to cut its own incurred yellow tape.
I am a capable human beingI am a capable human beingI am a capable human being.

Breath.
Sigh.
Eat.
Sleep.
Cling to this feeling.
Try harder.