Race you to a GPA of 7.

You won’t be superstitious if you understand how the world works. 

You can’t smell porn. Read, white & BLACK.

I had a dream about mum that I knew was false so everything turned weird. I also talked to dad about going to work early and planning a day. 1 title, two boxes, 1 rectangle, one tea break coupled with classical music. One lunch break.

Instead of worrying about people you should get to know them.
Don’t worry about breasts.

Fear not arse.

Just ask me.

It’s a matter of hap, of luck.

The gap in my teeth, the

‘Wear and where’ show my strife. 

My stride, difference. 

“The I” to identify.

Racism is extreme

Difference towards a negative.

Worn down, corrosive.

My heel is stripped.

Unhealable. Unsolved. Torments.

Worries and overthinking.

I.. I! Don’t have to be anywhere now. 

10th of July 2017. 17:07

A SONG W RO.

Hyper mega super

Hyper super mega

Hhh

HHm

HHs

Super mega hyper 

Super hyper mega

Sss

SSh

SSm

Mega super hyper

Mega hyper super

Mmm

MMs

MMh
Finish.

I wonder how sick he is, the end of the line ‘ends meet’ preventing suicide.

Instead of worrying about people you should get to know them.
Don’t worry about breasts.

Fear not arse.

Just ask me.

It’s a matter of hap, of luck.

The gap in my teeth, the

‘Wear and where’ show my strife. 

My stride, difference. 

“The I” to identify.

Racism is extreme

Difference towards a negative.

Worn down, corrosive.

My heel is stripped.

Unhealable. Unsolved. Torments.

Worries and overthinking.

I.. I! Don’t have to be anywhere now. 
Monday, Thursday, Wednesday Saturday (3 syllables buys you time) Sunday, Friday April – yellow 

Where are you strength? Immaturity, inconsistency.
Masturbating in the shower.
Smiling, talking, shaking hands.
waste, wasted, wastage.
Daughter. Lost wick burned down.
Killing yourself. Underground.
Tired, tied up.
And bastard. Truly yours.
Cold, feathers on the floor.
The unwinding unfathomable, lost quickness of change.
It all happened so fast.
I wish you came by. You could have been here for me.
And you just said no.
Brilliant, swish, hands and genuine feelings and findings.
Beating down on me, sounds of sadness.
Cutting dresses of while, and red.
Regular gold, dripping down between your legs.
Being. Beeing. A buzz.
Heckle, hackles tackles and tracts of tractless energy and no traction.
Loudness and addresses.
Home, way to go. Lost to drink and rape, life and lids and abuse and misuse.
A lousy bit of love a call.

I’d like to see you.
xx

And i’m going no where.
Surrender.
Lost and loss and diabolical love.
Caring- makes us human.
Tastes and preferences define us.
Smelling good.
Intellectualized reality becomes nonsense once removed.
Uncovered, removed, intertextual, self-refferential lostness.
Maybe we could walk, talk swoon and love.
Lost in eachothers arms.
That would be something.
Stomach that. Stomach stomach.
I just want to lay. To rest.
and its funny because she asked me if I was seeing anyone.
As the tears roll down, I say that I saw us kiss.
Yes, yes we are taking things slow.
But its all too fast, and i’m scarring and children and pressures and the whole moment of pressure in one quick short instance of honesty and the scars.
Here her depression weighed down.
I was falling, down down down down.
Past wooden pail.
Pale face in the light, shrinking back.
Swollen crying eyes. Fearfully fading into the blackness.
Drawing breath, a splash of sound.
Fear fear fear.
I am above you.
Dethroned and cut.
Not quite silent droplets of blood drip to the flood.
A door ajar.
Costly moments, sirens and a dragging feeling.
Silent peaceful time alone.

list of broken breath.
Wistful wishes of while celebrants fall bedecked in irony.
Coiling fathomless strands rest at my feet, above my head-
In line with yours. Rope straight. Gravity’s mistake.
The reek of toil crystal pain. Glass shattering in your hands and heart.
Starting to drip down. Your back, your beliefs and efforts.
I scratch, chafe, bleed and feel the hollow.
A loss, lost mimicry of banal speck.
Dire drumming. Crumpling pressure of heart, head, effort and crisis.

Prim’s shapely prison.
Surrounded in a forest, so much life and death.
The natural, beautiful and wholesome decay.
Roundness of stump. Grey green of lichen.
Music sounding, fathoms of want.
Desire woven in webs. Long limbs,
hair of sadness. Growing growing.
Shroud and the unaloud glowering of my other head.
A moose. Hooves in the moss.
Stress and stomping fracture the cold.
Air whisping out in frozen boxes.
Wishes whisper from my lips.
Tongue and teeth click, clasp, whisper and clatter.
‘my love’.
MY BELIEFS
All that I stood for. Represented. Tried for, awash.
Eroded in one explosion.
My loss, the meaning of flirtation, connection lust and love.
One hand massage and a touch.
Old kisses and passion.
Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuuuck.
I will do all these things that I have always wanted to,
in the shower. Our broken promises collide in a way to break out bodies.
Worries washed. Fighting breaths.
Strangling one another.
Embracing waists. Pull pull pull in in in .
The depth of my anger at this mistake.
Faking nothing. Fighting my mind, moving swiftly so as not to acknowledge change, action reaction of meaning. The want and liberty of moment.
The rolling heat. Hands around your throat.
Lifting. Pushing jarringly engorging myself on you.
Sucking you in. Iron bars around you. I will kill you-
Holding you to me. Tighter. You love me. You gasp,
gawking. I could slap you. See you react. I want you to bite me.
We should go to war. I would be stuck with you. Close. Enclosed.
in water, full. Boxed in. No breath. Only room to breathe for one.
Contorted. Surrounded. Between two narrow doorways.
The alley, laid upon one another.
Kidding you, listing strokes.
You moan, if you bite my lips I will shock.
Fight. Smithereens our flesh glows.
Over, nails. A soft kiss. The mind thinks.
I flail, lashing out. Move move.
Rung out. Pull back. Hair twisting.
Kissyou again from behind.
Do something, I exhale.
Into your ear i pour my thoughts. You pout in profile.
I cut into your ribs and stomach with my clenching fingers.
Supporting your left breast.
You are so small. This scale, this perfect woman.
Our games, justification. Posturing.
Love meets its match, end to end.
Ends meet. Back to a beginning of lust.
Crayons of times gone, pictures of health and want.
Our shallow love. Deeply personal loss, exchange and hope.
We’re going nowhere. This continuous failing.
My dissillusion. Delusion. Dissruption, determination failed.
Pristine history uncovered and I wonder.
Unwound but not quite fully.
Why did this end.
And how has this happened now; again after so long.
So long so long. Swelling in and out.
Rapid anger. Fury almost, your shoulders meet.
You are mine.
And my mind whirls as you swivel.
Back to the couch, the run softly holding us, the fire place open from when I crept behind you and gently held you. My first mistake.
Looking into your eyes. Your dignity and respect and my love for you.
I smile. Holding your genuinely tiny, blushing and pristine curves in my arms.
I look the the very shape of love.
Tasting happiness between each of my teeth.
Reflexively brushing your hair, running my hand down your jaw.
you bit my thumb and we start up.
up again.
How do we do this and why.
My barriers down. Honest, free from suppression and vile thoughts of desire lost. You are with me. Drawing me from the well.
Your hair is behind you, parted behind your ears.
I and brought back from the rope.
Buckets of my pour. Overflowing, no brim, movement.
Just waves. Pulsing, rising. rippling.
Warm jubilant sounds.
Murmuring sorrow, and energy that has no feeling but to survive and continue this dance. again again.
Resting side my side. You shiver in orgasm.
I laugh gently, curves and cream.
Holding you tightly.
I am drawn back from the well, into your world.
Into love
into caring.
into hope.
My failing. Again.

Negatives: Fruit fruit vegetable vegetable meat, meathead.

Simple:
A-Poem right? Here-

rehearse! Growing terse. His pain.

Repunzel’s the same.
I suffer not-

not knowing what.

Shirts and ties

Back holding whys.

Yellow.

To share, 

Hair scare. Unfair beware unaware underwear’s fair’s-fair through throughfare’s fare, fires flare as eyes glare. Unreadable. 

Those eyes, scarring-

Scared. Ley worrying cheats my mind from the moment. Fears of laying and saying: the wrong effing thing. Double Edged.

Knees and rings and why am I what tomorrow brings. 

A freedom-

of wanting o forcefully making, trying to make something work and probably never seeing the end before it’s too late. 

Ice skates and Tom waits. 

Harsh words and soft lips. An opening up of nothingness. “See you round” – I roll my eyes at myself and walk. Walk- Throwing white rose petals, in the air, over the sense-anon that spouts out, from my mouth. 

Daft Drafts. Draughty types and typos. Cosmonauts. 

His name is is was Tim.

His fame was was is grim.

Tidying, his rig he’s ever so slim.

The shim-and-shine.

Mine eyes like a cig. 

Not beady, not those of a pig. But coals that smoulder. Bawling Brawlers bustling shoulders. The gym, he’s a boxer. Like gold, bold quick terriers or brown foxers. 

It’s all a fade, hey?

What a joy, what a day.

This poem is about… you being gay.
A free spirited afternoon

Of honest fearing, gimmick, practice at saying the wrong thing. Untidy winding pro, amateur immature prose. Practical miss. A sack of potatoes, airy that I am. Your Pringle. Your bag of chips. Fragments and wonder. Swimming out.

-Sentence starters:”It’s bizarre””Did you know””Isn’t it funny”

“Guess what” (no guess..)

Consie – the sandwhich girl.

This people, tired,

You are hungry.

Knotted, stretched.
You approach:

“Excuse me”

I shake

My head to whatever you’re about to say. 

You ask if you may have the paper. 

“Yes” head shaking, all the while.
I tire of looking for minds.

Great eyes wander-

Looking at the ground.

Scouting around or absent

God sends, lost afraid unwilling.

Making connexion. Hex or

hiatus has lost us our bond.

Puffy lids. Envelope the whites-

I am the egg that careers into a

Future. Unknown and freaked.

Abound ideas of being.

Alone, none of ‘us’. 

None of we… Only a stern look at the ground that kisses my feet. 

Ovals roughly meeting me. Everyone doing everything in a round about. 

Conga lines form from politeness.

Arbitrary society, we are together for no reason. Our curiosity in life, boring into the backs of friends and strangers heads alike. Only kicking out when natures pull tells us rightly. 

Pitter-patter of feet.

The potter of dance and gardening.

Magic grows from within. 

But the line that we follow in circles grows thin. And the bonds sever. Hands on flinching shoulders makes the relation un-cherished. Red faces and wrong reasons. 

Out with time. Our disconnect and freedom is a misstep. Kicking out. Lashing left with two right feet. The conga line that we cling returns us each, individually. -us, our own. Alone

To humble home 

Land line’s phone.

Connexion.

Systems of knowledge.
“we’ve missed you” – what a thoughtful and lovely expression. We.
Tomorrow I run.
Today I am run down.

Self disclosing to a friend of mine.
Her and I speak of other girls in my life. I deflect.
The undertones of “what about”. I speak of my general uncomfortability around others.
She says that looking at me from her vantage point I must sometimes see conversation as some kind of performative floor, upon which I generally stand and thus own. She also mentioned that I come across as hostile to other people encroaching on that space. I acknowledge that. I suppose I should be more encouraging. But I run high stakes. Which is doubly sad for this lad as my skills and want is generally light hearted. Judgement is shallow, communication is a safety net of noise, distraction and comfort.
I hate to over engage and read too much into what people are saying.
Read indeed.

To my freckled friend after she’d powdered her nose I said:
“Freckles are the lipstick of the sun, thus universally loved is she and I”.
The stars have graced us with their touch, and we should be happy and acknowledge that much.

My sister drops the large knife she used to cut vegetables.
Lots of oil. The oven pre-heated.

“TO BE TRULY BAD YOU MUST HAVE A VOICE”.
Its raining.
This is neither good nor bad.
It simply is.
The weather last week was a gale.
Howling and
Terrible.

The weekend. Sporadic.
Last minute. Old friends hide and don’t take time.
My barriers. My want and waste of life forces and energy on others because of my firm belief in systems and networks of society.
Belief in oneself. A capacity, a question an comfort.
Invitations. Hospitality. A gown. warm flesh trumps broken bones.
By aching heart and safe distance your efforts will be my reward as I lay here-
distant.
The way you say things and how I translate them will always be wrong.
Whatever she said was not what she meant.
How could a friend say such a thing.
Why would I change? What noise are you making?
Your interpretation is flawed as your perspective is not my own.
Why are we doing this?… SILENCE.

A fine day.
Don’t park on the clear way.
Yoga and life lesson.
As they lessen your purse,
I purse my lips and shudder.
Shaking with anger at this community and the rules I fail to abide.
An early failing, a cost, expense, waste.
Throw away, money and everything.
You don’t like this; you don’t like that.
Who knows or cares?
what makes you human isn’t your caring.
I’m awake, aware disgusted.

A passerby the window farts.
The humour that we find in these sorts of things-
reminds us of the ridiculousness of it all.
A return. A word.
Peeled red grapes responds in kind to my unreasonable and seasonal anger.
I have weathered many whilst in winter we lose.
Most have given themselves in kind while Nona passes away.
No pearly gates. Reborn as a fig tress, sprinkled ashes in the back yard.
Vitamins and minerals.
Weetbix and cream.
You’re lean body, wrinkled and worn.
Welcome back into the fold.
And my aggression seers.
No peers, just a community that owes me.
As I owe them. One hundred times over.
No percent of reason can reclaim this owing.
I will take more than my dollar is worth to you.
Pounds of resource.
Rich with tax and poison.
The internal exlumination.
Delineates my mind. Spelling curls, a numberless system.
Mysterious symbol of reckoning.
I will revenge myself-
Locked and stocked.
Parking inspector with your fine day.
Irony will black out your eyes and your parents, pets and children will mulch.
I loathe today. My wanton wish to put a ring around you.
Bayonets leveled. Lids coming down.
Hats and experience welling and seething behind my teeth.
Acoustics ringing, viral and visceral.
No able bodied position for hiding the hatred that eeks from behind my teeth.

The squealing brakes,
Brokering broken fakes.
Crocodile tears that I trade,
Where houses’ lyric is made.
My age of your assassination-
Many known affiliations,
I shrug. Adding one to the list.
A sign, chaos, red sea, hearts missed.

Poly. Amour. Armour.
Multi. Plied. Vale.

Pol. Lou. Lex. Ari. Cami. Dani. Ebs. Fin. Ger. Hen. Imi. Jes. Kit. Lid. Mel
Nik. Ori. Pip. Quin. Ren. Sid. Tam. Umi. Via. Xee. Yen. Zel.

Do you like to go fast she asked. I drove slowly, looking out at the glitter of lights. Yellows and greens. Low and light whites.
She shivered then coughed when I made her laugh.
The lights were beautiful, man-made beauty surrounded me.

I laugh at the doubles.
The language of it all. Her eyes picking songs, but the words were there.
I’d tried to forge close, but she tore away. The language of it all.
Food, money, blown for happiness.
Measuring it all. The utility, the bullshit.
The wastefulness of it all – and how slow and quickly it all fell out of whack.

“What am I saying” she will ask.

And I laugh. I laugh and laugh, because otherwise i’d cry.
Yoga and competition and running and food and people and it was all so shallow. Hunger and jokes that are veiled. I’m only using you for your Tupperware she says. It could well be true. Good on you.
Enjoy my sweets. Your efforts are weak like your leaching.
You aren’t worth it to me. I put out too much for too little return.
Protect yourselves. Why do we set such high standards.
Next time i’ll be better.
There wont be a next time I don’t think. I’ve looked into the shallows and made a judgement call. Under 100 dollars lost. Time and effort and advice.
Some other time my lady; I tried and tired of the formula.
Norms, normal. Normative. Sack it all. Jump in feet first to the cold.
Ribbons pinned to my chest feel as prickles from pines,
climbing up spine. Yellow turned orange, as rind.
Pitted, pruned skin, I win and swim. The walk and things I wanted to do were done. No kiss and tell. Just meet and talk and walk and lie and lie and lie and lie and lie and lie and lie and lie.
And you catch me.
And I say I go slow.
Cars are bullets with someone’s name on them. Driver? Passenger? Stranger?
Bikes are razors that we systematically have the opportunity to slit our own throats with daily.
Don’t speed. Don’t speed. don’t speed.
I like to go fast sometimes. It depends who the passenger is.
I take the scenic route, but you’re heads down… Listening to music.
Shiver. Shake. We miss the good while I explain the bad.
Welling up up up.
Dinner’s on me. Formula. Chair sliding, conversational.
Hiding behind food, the nonsense you talk.
The neighbours. Dropping so much.

Underpants:
I am wrung out
Last drops until dry.
Finally I do up
my fly and look down.
Down over the coast. Two hills.
No sharpness to their peaks.
Just a faint
red glowing light
to guide. planes maybe.
A vehicle’s call for passengers and all.
Down it dims,
Beckoning, Falling.
Reckoning, Calling.
your name –
My mind, leaves you behind like autumn.
Shedding, wafting spell, smell and bell.
A ringing in my ears. Hears it all-
Here Hell cascades.
No black nor white ball.
Just fall… fall… fall.
In love.

I tire of looking for minds.Great eyes wander-

Looking at the ground.

Scouting around or absent

God sends, lost afraid unwilling.

Making connexion. Hex or

hiatus has lost us our bond.

Puffy lids. Envelope the whites-

I am the egg that careers into a

Future. Unknown and freaked.

Abound ideas of being.

Alone, none of ‘us’. 

None of we… Only a stern look at the ground that kisses my feet. 

Ovals roughly meeting me. Everyone doing everything in a round about. 

Conga lines form from politeness.

Arbitrary society, we are together for no reason. Our curiosity in life, boring into the backs of friends and strangers heads alike. Only kicking out when natures pull tells us rightly. 

Pitter-patter of feet.

The potter of dance and gardening.

Magic grows from within. 

But the line that we follow in circles grows thin. And the bonds sever. Hands on flinching shoulders makes the relation un-cherished. Red faces and wrong reasons. 

Out with time. Our disconnect and freedom is a misstep. Kicking out. Lashing left with two right feet. The conga line that we cling returns us each, individually. -us, our own. Alone

To humble home 

Land line’s phone.

Connexion.

No matter what I write it will be off.
The words wont come out. Its all a miss.
Miss miss miss. Bad guy firing at good guy. What I mean, the discussion, the act the direction. The stolid thought. And all words are yellow shirt. Memory lost, my knee and failing body.
Adrift and ill.
Meds might not help.
I flat line. Standing in a circle asking questions.
Expectations low. Outputs.
Worth, value and meaning.
Three word outputs for power and standing and words.
nonsense, nothing and death.
Classical height of hierarchy.

And I cried.
Misty eyed. Banana in hand.
The oven on.
Spotted advice warms my heart,
swollen like the lids of my tired eyes.
I’m just tired.
These emotions are real because of this state.
And the weakness is flooding.
That is the fucking technical term.
My fears and phobias mingle.
This working man, cooks for me.
I give my thanks.
Right tired. Worried.
Lost afraid, making plans.
Due poverty, sales and sadness.
How does a father sell his kissed fish.
Banana punching, stolen maidens of birth and breadth.
Forgetting names faces and directions.
What do I need?
Anger rage a new new knew knee.

And I.
Lost and fuming.
Rolled out, for a night.
Drags and the dregs and giving.
Speed and drugs to the fat, lost and wasted.
Blowing kisses to people I don’t know or like or love.
And the people I desire are shallow.
My ladder is lost rickety and blowing in the wind.
Wickets and bails, blow in the flow of-
anon unpredictability.
Fuss of cliffs.
And I rage. Suicide saved my life.
coming soon .The joke of many levels.
Blowing loads of steam and
and the less hot.
ahahahahahahah an an and and
d d d d d d d d
Dickhead. Unicorn.
frustration, eyes and the male gaze and gays and
patients and worth and the system.
A list of lack understandings.
Chaos and untapped missed opportunities and
all and and and.
Change I need to gettaway.
Eye contact.
Nail biting and caring.
Humanity and feardom.
The fee of it all.
Ties me down with the sporradic worm.
Work work work until you’re old and cracked and totally passed it.
No chilled ability to just rest and the future awaits us-
wasted loves and lack of energy.
Misses and missus.
Dancing on twisted smiles-
Vomit in the sink. Attacking cubical walls.
Kicking flags and glasses filled with ice.
Nothing nice to say or impart and the drink hits.
Walking alone, laces clicking.
Feet rapping, skilled skidding and the dye of the day leaks.
I am a vegetable, no levels but a platform on which I barely carry.
Heartbeat- muted and the threat of sickness away away.
Its deeper, but covered in fat and illness.
Legs and blubber and all that clings to me.
Unwell. Well well,
digging wells into my past.
Seeking out my strife.
Receipts and rules and the language that I don’t understand.
I just want to look everyone in the eyes.
I want to do that.
Why is that strange.
Wrong and off in our culture. Ugly.
Because that isn’t normal maria! I know what you;rethingk thinwink with ythose those dark eyes featuringing in my dreams of whales. batting them away in a glacial tide of batons and attack attack attack. And the people that surround me are uniformed and my white skin is a restriction and history and prejudice, power and anger flood me and I can’t talk to anyone about the coke. The black white while bubbling substance of red blood’s link to the infinity of suffering. And my care, my coping power mechanisms are disarmed while I dream and the fire alarm; its battery dead or removed, only wakes and resonates in the webs of spiders and the trapping nets of society that flow in the breeze- aloft in the stratosphere. Ironically bubbling babbles of flags float free as lanterns, the anal retentive me learns 5 new names and I am stuck. Wanting more from people. Maybe we can all just try to stand there and make light of this market. You buy mushrooms and I wish we could somehow just join hands and get along on a topic. Communication for comforts sake. There is no we in this ironic ionicsphere. Exterior to our natural cell. And sell and cell we do. Our time down the river. Black, white and bubbling. Molten down our throats as we haven’t blown on the oven baked blackened banana. Bands sing of a side. But there is only the young fire in our hearts from when we were commuting freely with nature in our limbs. One legged spins on ice that will melt and be thrown amongst us. I make prayer with my hands but over head, no amount of flapping of scissoring will cut out this feeling in my heart. Bleeding, but not to the right places.
Wrong.
No snow angels can save us.
Not me.
-today there was no we. No connexion.
lost lost love. And the wallow of old thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Curses and voodoo riddle my rotten brain.
Limbs creak and the cream of my efforts drowns me in the ethical dilemma.
Put yourself out there and murder yourself.
Achievements and nothing, converse.
look me in the eyes. React react react.
Darling. Dark dark darling. Pursing my dehydrated lips.
Lost eyes and weak meats.
Minced words, work at staking lives.
Mince steaks like hearts punctured with loss and illegitimacy.
Water, wasted words and all the worries of my scientific silence.