SYSTEMS CHECK! You have arrived, at work.

Sarcasm: operational,

Trust: zero,

Patience: wavering around fourteen percent,

Respect: just off 40,

Ambition: dialled at 69 percent

Hope: faltering at 9

Anger: 81

Joy: on the boil

Kindness: 1 empty cup

Connection: synthetic prototype in test

Workload: marginal

Goodness: 50%

Aptitude: grinding on at 5mph

Friendliness: needs an oil change

Politeness: green light 71%

Charm: 59%

Wit: 50%

Care: red light (broken dial? Call maintenance)

Capacity: 123%

ANUAL REPORTS: Teeth grinding (asleep). Tension headaches. Eye deterioration. Arm pain. Futile interactions occurring often. System reboot December.