Com-ed.

Not commy education, no.

Stressful exam day. Passed. In the past.
Par. Said.

Its easy being a comedian.
What’s your job? Get paid, foremost!
Sell shows. Right ok.
Talk to people, entertain.
How? Have fun?
Be funny. Is fun and funny the same thing?
If you went to a comedy gig, had loads of fun,
Was entertained. Right.
Would you complain if it wasn’t funny?

Ok.
So here i am talking.
Now the key is being convincing.
Be engaging.
I’m talking “delivery”.

Something simple, could be not funny.
But people laugh at dumb shit all the time.
And its better if you say if LAFF like americans,
Because that’s what you’re doing. You aren’t necessarily thinking,
You just make a noise and then pick up the pieces afterwards.

So here’s an example.
What’s the difference between hommus and a hobo.
Spelling, obviously.
And ones a paste made out of chic peas and one’s hommus.
Like what the fuck.
Are you not entertained?
Nonsense!

Ok tone. SERIOUS.
There i was, stressing over a french exam. I went for awalk with my sister to calm my nerves. She’s wize like buddah but not bald. So get that sister buddah image right in your minds eye.

We’re in this park, and in the middle there is a pond. We’re on one side, and a middle aged couple are snuggled up on a picnic mat on the otherside. Its a bit weird as we’re barely far enough away to feel comfortable until… Fwook-fwook-fwoook- splash!
A majestic duck lands out of nowhere into this pond.
It does a little loop around the middle water feature where other ducks are looking up from their chilled out duck vibe. Roost, perch or whatever.
The new duck clambers up to the water feature and is greeted by quacks of approval and recognition.’
The couple across from us are transfixxed, holding eachother in their arms lovingly, adminging nature’s beauty.
I exhale and put my arm around my sisters shoulder feeling a little more relaxed and not worrying about exams. Zen!
Then!
Back on the ducks, the late arrival SNAPS one of the other ducks necks between-its bill, mounts it, rapes the Shit out of it for a time then retires. Releasing its welcomer and victim to its new. Fate of being a happy mother duck. Now ducklings are cute… But nature is fucking ugly at times. And i get that now.
The education never stops. I ran out of time in my exam but atleast i wasn’t raped by a duck.
These walks give you perspective.
Everyone should walk.
But we should never stray.
The ugly duckling us something all together so we won’t get into that. Swams are creepy, greedy, patriarchal bastards and ducks are rapists with corkscrew penisies. So we’ll leave it there and be happy that when a gorl doesn’t text you back you can just do something else with your time. Like paint or write or be a shitty comedian, because that’s what everyone else does.
Don’t get weird about this. And try not to be too logical, or infer what i’m saying to things that matter in your own life. I’m just paintballing. Which is dangerous like spitballing but there’s less chance of maningiacockal disease and a higher chance of me getting a black eye or turning into a man made out of rainbows and pain, which is the fun loving way of being bad at warefare.

Comedy eh. Lets just talk, be manic and share experiences.
Do something that you aren’t doing at that exact point. In time. Make up a joke. Pretend. You heard or saw something. Twist reality.
Then share it. If you can. And if you can’t buy a fucking ticket and come see someone try. Because otherwise you’ll die unhappy, with too many fountain pens full of ink and a blank page where the fun should have been remembered.

Penny for your thoughts.
Are you just a one dimensional footballing child or what?
How old are you?

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