Today passed me by with the completion of my French test.
Some questions I got right. Some I got wrong.
I have no fear of failing. I’m better than than.
I have no fear of being alone.
There are many stresses upon my life. But you find your priorities as they come.
Energy.
Action.
Food.
Education.
Ideals.

When you make jokes with cereal
Wit-Bix
What’s your favourite cereal wrapped in meat?
Meat-bix.
What do you call it when the only enjoyable food you have is cereal.
Treat-bix
What do you call it when you don’t eat cereal with your hands.
Stumped?… Feet-bix
What do you call a tidy, organised breakfast.
Neat-Bix
What do you do when cereal is your DJ?
Beat-bix.
What happens when you shake hands with your cereal?
Greet-Bix
What cereal do you eat in the summer?
Heat-Bix
And in the cold of winter?
Sleet-Bix
When you’re eating cereal for dessert?
Sweet-Bix
When you’re in the Mediterranean eating cereal?
Crete-Bix.
When you write your phone number on your cereal?
Deet-Bix
When you flatten your cereal?
Sheet-Bix
When you have the baby food version of cereal?
Teat-Bix
When your cereal outruns you?
Fleet-Bix
When your cereal thinks its better than you?
Elite-Bix
When you are just sitting there, dreaming of cereal.
Seat-Bix
When the food you need isn’t infront of you?
Eat-Bix
When you take a bite out of your boyfriend thinking he’s cereal.
Pete-Bix
Your favourite poetic cereal?
Yeat-Bix.
What cereal irons your pants?
Pleat-Bix
What cereal do goats eat?
Bleat-Bix
What’s the best after-sex cereal.
Skeet-Bix
When two cereals collide they?
Meet-Bix

Drizzle and all that.
Great for study.

Need to work the french angle a little more.
When i get the time and motivation i’ll be sure to write a blog or two as best I can in the language of love.

Caught up with Sam today.
Hesitant, chill pensive chats to begin with.
Calculated, informative.

Polititions as they represent the greatest number, and try to keep them best pleased. They sometime act selfishly and reflect a spineless community (those that elected them).

“Sounds like they need a spinosaurus in their midst.
Extinction,
Brains,
Thought processes (rhizome) random, sporradic. “Ginger”
Evolution,
Dinosaurs,
Overpopulation,
Bikes,
And other things.

Then study.
I am nervous.

It was good.
Lost poker friday. Karma I suppose.
I was MR. Bank. All the dollar bills, last card, taken out Dec.
He wins on highcard. “Amazing. Terrible”.
Lindsay went out for dinner. “The corn was good”.
Rat man had crystal MD. “what the fuck was that all about”.
Zee had a really annoying bite-y puppy. “Control that thing”
Shannon went out.
Other gents come and go. “just chilled”
My sister is 21. (I am not there).

I fall asleep.
The next day I walk with Kayne and his lovely fling girlfriend to my old work.
Then I headed out to brunch with Linds, Jon, Ella and PIP (?).
“Why the fuck is this stranger joining us, i’ve spent 24 years of my life being genuine and introducing myself to people, I feel sometimes it hasn’t paid off. Furthermore some relationships haven’t endured, I challenge you stranger. INTRODUCE YOURSELF if you are worth while” – something in that, the see-saw of self worth – effort – politeness – potential – the moment.
Imagine yourself, of a normal mindset on a regular day.

I read over an email just before. My train of thought, its a joke to read back over.
Bullshit, forced, childlike, ramblings. Is that ok with me? Is that ok with you?
Is my mind constantly bubbling away over nonsense? At dinner when I had psychopathic thoughts, didn’t act upon them, avoided their existence. Supressed, not brought into existence in word form. Thoughts, words regarding actions not-done, REACTION.

The brain plug idea.
If you have a thought, share it. I dare you. Spit it out, see where it takes you. Acknowledge the thought in the moment, because you are operating on the real planar existence of socialising. Not animal, not self-aware. Constant. You are the brain. You are a freak. You are not the entire person. You are the head on a string. The string is a spine that aids you to your defying of gravity. It stands you over many other creatures. “erect”. Boggle. Google.
A BILLION. A billion changed, a billion got smaller. Why. How. We have a small billion people, six of them.

So there we were at brunch.
Pip’s getting married.
“Are you guys sharing a bank account” – there I go. BLAM. Shameless.
Raw random gold.
She tried to play along. My food was average.
Carrot, tabouleh, bean sprouts, falafel. Grim cheap shit. Meh.

Tonight I binged on food so much.
I’ve put on so much weight recently, I feel fatter in the face. What’s that all about.
I wonder if I can apply it to my brain plug model. But emotionally.
Am I lonely? I thought about getting  a puppy.
I hate dogs.
“I just think they’d be less effort that having a girlfriend”
haha “I just think” – what the fuck kind of commoner speak is that.

The David Bowie exhibition was great. Shannon and I had a good look around.
I saw Niki today. I rested my chin on the top of her head as she leaned into my chest.
I hugged her, laughed and missed the feeling. Not her as such. Just the idea.
I am at a place in my life where I am unbearable. I don’t think I am consistent  – in any aspects.
Drugs, drinking, school, work. Not enough rest. My brain burns.

Saturday was the festival.
E E E.
Thanks Carl.
I was giving head massages later. Feeling very lovely.
Dec didn’t eat, the bag of bones. Fuckbag.
Saw all the gang. Smoked cigarettes. (god dammmmmmit!)
Stayed up late, dug everyone and everything. Chatted, smiled, danced, got over it.
Crashed.

Sunday, work.
Paying for Linds, easy to justify my cameo to myself.
I had the Nicoise salad. Spelling might be cracked there.
Forgot about my quizz online. Ate watermelon, orange juice, sunshine, reading, water, snooze.

Thought about everything you intake into your body.
Does it build you? Or will it demand to eventually leave your body. “Energy” “piss” “SHIT”.
Sweat, snot, earwax, toe jam, scar tissue, skin, hair, saliva, nails… BELLYBUTTONFLUFF.

So be content, when you can.
thank you brain. Fire your bullshit.
Too much coffee production, drinking and producing. My need. My output, is high.
I am a high output kinda guy. Look inward. Focus, change your ways, while your young…

Mitch was late to meet up with his mum and brother.

I met up with Niki and Tilde.
we talked. Many things.
I had white wine and squid. It was ok.

Before people talk, “they” do something.

I should write my blog in french. That would be interesting. I might try tomorrow.
I do have a test coming up. Hahah that’s genius. Retain that.

People should stand up before they talk.
Imagine that. You’re standing up for what you believe in.
Old fashioned. People would weigh up their words more.
From sitting to standing.
the change, the measured importance.
Interesting.
I’d like to make a black and white film about it.
Would it facilitate conversation.
Kill small talk.
make people brood more?
Would they follow the rules? Be content?
I’ll have to test it to find out.
everyone is different.
Don’t fret.

Do our subconsciouses hide things from us?

What are we doing next year? “We’re at that point in our lives”.
Strange Tilde.

I desire someone.
Intimacy.
Need, for company.
Flesh on flesh.
Not sex. Just to be close.
Hold me? HOLD ME.
HOLD. Let us be.
Curled, crushed up together.
Two spoons, TWO SPOONS?
Vines. Leaves on the ground,
I will be your jacket.
wear me until I get old.
holed.
Cast me away when you’re done.
Get someone else to patch me up,
this is no longer a time where people have those qualities,
skills, practices. Indeed.
Sewn together, frayed and splayed, we’ve changed.

But now I am alone. Discarded, defended, hesitant, aware, worried, scared, existentialist,
frightened, confused, open, demanding, unhinged, mad, tragically sad, inconsistent, pensive, restricted, flippant, small minded, overbearing, hypocritical, tired, shy, opposite, deeply unattractive, horribly attracted.

What is that?

Its Monday. My head has caved.
My eyes water. Time to close these bulbs.
My bright eyes. Sick with guilt, faded, alone and gluttonous.
I am numb. Warm, malcontent.
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
and the birds that you drew on the butchers paper.
They don’t come home. You burn those memories.
Changed.
We’ve all changed.
We all have needs.
We’re all very different.
Love me.

That feeling when you’re not eating what you felt like eating.
You’re an adult, your body lets you know what it feels like consuming.
You’ve worked all day, now you require sustenance.
You feel like popcorn.
But someone has cooked pork with gravy and sweet potato.
You rationalize. “But I love sweet potato, its a vegetable, its sweet AND savory”, it looks great.
Go for it. Eat.
But you hate pork. It’s gross, slimy, bad for your skin, fatty, tasteless, white, disgusting.
So you eat the pork.
Now you’ve kept everyone happy. You’ve eaten the food. But you’ve lost your way.
A popcorn story.

Imagine you have a focus.
Realize that the human body (YOUR BODY). Can only achieve “so much”.
Your maximum capacity, spurs from your genetic makeup.
Your potential growth. You are one big piece of putty.
Lets talk muscles.
I would like to say your body is ENTIRELY muscle, but i’d be wrong.
So..
again. lets talk muscles.
Your brain. A muscle. Uses a lot of energy.
The rest of your body. Vital organs, (effectively muscles[?]{right}?)
AND regular ol’ muscles.

Lets say “YOU, human” represent the simple equation
100% = Human, Energy, and Energy consumption through Muscles.
100% = 30 (brain energy consumption) 70(body energy consumption)

People have different outputs that respect their 100%.
Raising both your body and brain, may refer to you “raising the bar”.
This makes you better all-round. And allows for the acknowledgement (that you aren’t full of shit).
(This is waste) – You don’t want to waste. You want to be sustainable.
What can you do to maximize your own production and output?

Can you throw out your balance of brain/body energy consumption?
50% brain 50% body.
In that line of theory, does your brain literally grow?
If the brain is a muscle, how does it grow? Can you tear your brain, like it was a hamstring?

Would it be pliable to say imbalances occur in the physical. Which is to say, 20% brain energy consumption. 80% body.
Lets look at dinosaurs. Look at the potential growth and shrinkage on body vs brain.

I have labelled this thought process. “externalizing your brain”.
The time you spend at the gym, has potential to inversely effect your brain growth.
As muscle fibres are made out of the same thing.

-what kind of muscles are there?
-Can your brain grow to enormous sizes? Why don’t we see obese brains lain out, exhausted on the bed.
– Could you greenhouse (create the perfect condition) for human growth. In both brain and body.
What is the optimal amount of sleep?
What is the optimal amount of exercise?
-Are there other factors to consider. -ALONE TIME?
-Silence/Stimulation.
How does the body react to a huge demand from stimulation?
What are the dietary needs?
Can we create superhumans or do they represent some sort of imbalance, with something being missed from the simple BRAIN/BODY = 100% human & energy consumption: therefore muscle growth.

Word correlation.
Half-Casts.
The stolen generation.
People’s word choices are inherent to their learning. (Is learning just choosing to internalize stimuli).
If you are choosing to focus your mind, can these choices be seen as a rabbit hole for information?
Or a family tree?

If you don’t choose, what happens to your mind?
Does mental plasticity become hindered from drinking?
Do you develop an altered state. When drunk you are succinct?
What can people expect from you.

How dramatically can events impact your day.
How can a day change?
What is the most dramatic change. Really.
DRAMATIC. is an interesting word.

Ester is sick.
Work might be changing hands.
I don’t know what that will mean for me.
I’m traveling in November.
Japan trip!

Do I go on exchange.
Or do I become a teacher’s aide?
These are things i’ll look into right now.

People are the tasters and samples of society.

I met a few people tonight.
Had a pint.
Got flirted… At, by gay dudes with the same hair as me.
Talked houses.
They should be purchased with big cheques.
Oragami.
Like, sail away on a crane or in a plane.
Paper escape-er.

Met tim from the republic bar.
Talked “the philosophers” jumper. Gave away 2 free coffees. Picked up thurs/fri/saturday shift work at the pub.

Melbourne tomorrow.

Talked modernism.
Need to pack book.
Get bag.
Replace bag.
Pump wheele.
Aye!

Muchtodo!

My computer froze.
My my, what a waste.

This meagre world,
Was an emerald.
Swept with fires
And clay.
Sticks and stone-and grass
It doesn’t matter what you say.
-it doesn’t.
We’re worried how it will last.

We had this gem.
This emerald.
But we-
We wanted Diamond.
We wanted a diamond,
But in our haste we made coal.
And now we find, the fire of our labours.
Feeding upon our soul.

Will. (From the outside looking in).
This metaphore extend?
Look upon us, from outer space.
Witness our suicide- our end.

(Quick!)
Will this metamorphasis be bleak and black.
Smoke, choke
Green gone,
Logs to smog.

Will in-time we transform back?
will we ascend?
Is it the jungle’s emeralrd we’ll see?
Do we endevour wrongly?
The titanic mistakes.
Casting a blinding glimmer in our eyes.

Fore we are at sea.
Adrift and blind.
To the colours of green and black.

In our attempted control.
The jungles safely destroyed.
Peeled back. We seem to have discarded the green but the dark has resided.
Just as the night was full of terrors.
Our judgement of colour marks our errors.
The monkey laughs,
Howls at our awareness.
We slip up.
Searching for “Gold”
Our goal. The challenge of progress.
Laid down by our forefathers.
Doubtful anyone came to the false goal.
The gold was merely the skin of a banana peel.

The blinds shut out our reasoning.
Deduce that.
But we shant. Our attention.
-ELSEWHERE-
The passtime being anything,
Hiding our nature.
Our nature and nature differ in that it is our belief that we have control over the other.
Nature and nature and nature and nature.
Our nature? WHAT NATURE?
You are alone in your mind.
Alone with your understanding.
This word. BUT A WORD.
The links, the vines, whirlpools, strings attachments, hooks, lines pages binderes collection collaboration riddles and rhymes in each of our minds begins with a void; crammed!
Nature is for you, what it is for nobody else.

Your eyes use a lot of energy.

We had an emerald.
We wanted a diamond.
We made Coal.
And in our impatience,
We set ourselves alight.

“You make the bed you sleep in”.

We’re so fickle.
Some of us don’t make it.
WAIT: fickle? I meant fragile.

“We’ve just gotta. Make it.
Make it through this, survive until we can sleep.

Sleep, rest, recover.
Hangover gone.
An oil change.
Blood, rich and red.
Eyes white and coloured:
Like pearls.
Glint returned.
No rush,
Rested,
Relaxed
You don’t need to BE anywhere.
You’re stopped.
Not stopped dead, but present.

Eyes like pearls,
The bags,
Puffy deposits – underneath no more.
Circulation.
Aglow!
A ready smile.
No blush.
Not flustered.
Not rampant, lost, banal or wild.
Breathing. Conscious.
Not in need.
Not wasting.
Content.
No fake face or facade.
Genuine, real, relaxed.
Melted away are your fears:
Troubles and baggage. Melt.
You function above, at a higher level.
Predictive.
you dance.
No bad karma or acts of a chaotic universe may harm you.
Meticulous perfection embodied, kept free from harm.
Take your time
You know…
“Cool”
We’re OK

We are all OKAY.
No grief.

I feel like I could turn this into a cocktail.

Which basically just means we can add a heap of alcohol to this cold sugary drink.. And totally get away with it.
Woooo.

I heard them say it.
So many times in the library.
“wrecked”. Like the key to unlocking a dialect.
Some brand of jock, jargon.
I do’t know why it rubbed my the wrong way so much.

Jog today, followed by a kick in the sun, a pie, boulder stories,
a drive, a beer tasting, tandoori chicken, steak and family stories.
All in all a good laugh. Went for a walk with my sister.
Talk about owning a dog.

Need to organise Tuesday night dinner.
Other than that. It’s all good.

So i’ve got a big week coming up and I shouldn’t be wasting my mornings, afternoons…
OR nights.
What is a wasted night.
Wasted is what I was yesterday?
I wanted to vibrate.
Twinkle in my eye, shake shuffle and shout at the moon.
Instead I just shouted at my friend and his bland girlfriend.
Every person is interesting. Each with their own story. Experiences.
Potential. Stories, laughs, good times.
Tonight I got a bottle of Pepik from work.
Joseph Chromey. Not bad. Dark chocolate.
Got philosophical “as the bottle dictated”.
Might have scared Rhys and Gen a bit. I think Gen is really smart. So is Rhys.
But the more time I spend with them the more I feel out of my element.
I’m loosing my shine.
Everyone else is sick. What a fucking let down. Nobody is strong like me.
Pushing though. “How many Saturday’s are there in a year”.

Why even say that. Here I am blogging, back in my boring fucking world.
Is there a point to this? Cop out baby teenage, whine over wine, existential.
Whaaaa.
Next week will be grande.
Kick tomorrow.
PAN- is out. Should be great fun, I do love the movies.
What is the fear of society? Each person on their very own special mission.
No staying in doors today.
I’m going to get Rhys’ curtains. That will be LAVISH.

People laughing politely.
Its super strange. “I didn’t hear you so i’ll just laugh”. So odd.
I am aware of it. I wonder what it is. What it spurs from. Is it a female trait?
Is it empathy?

Movies to see, books to read.
Time to myself.
Time alone.
No reply from the people i’d like to see.
Words forming in my mind.
But i’m not quick, motivate or sharp.
Impressing nobody with my intellect.
I sit quietly (SO UNLIKE YOU PATRICK)
Fuck off. You don’t know me.
I smile, evil. The whites of my eyes, glowing yellow lamps.
I am poison. Poisoned from lack of sleep and silence.
Idiocy bubbling away in my brain.
Sense and sensible at odds with each-other.
I test you. My silence, a black silk sheet over everything I can see, hear or potentially touch.
I am alone. I couldn’t share with anyone.
Spread your legs.
How else do people communicate. Don’t externalise yourself.
Drain your emotion, the bubbling feelings, needs and wants.
Your content tired, bent form. Let your eyes roll into your skull.
You’ve laid me.
We’ve laid together. Shared all that we could, succinct as we’ll ever be.
Now what? What next. I have the rest of my life, no purpose.
Shall I make it last as long as I can?
Find another set of pillars?
I am a pillock for thinking.
Crossing at the lights. You in a rush, a rush to be gone from my side.
What have I spent my life achieving up until now. Are you satisfied?
What did we both expect. This couldn’t last forever.
I’m old now, wrinkled, jaded.

But half a moon.
Not in the mood.
Crescent glow, but revealed is but some.
The glint has faded.
Our halo is off.
We aren’t free anymore,
We soak into the sheets.
Expunged.
Exhausted with life’s thoes.
Call me back to before we did all this.
When I was lost,
Energetic and glint.
take upon these shoulders the pressures of it all.
You won’t see me laugh,
NO. I stress.
Never will you catch my sympa.
If you get it out of me.
Its real.
We were real.
but now i’m a bleached and ghostly version.
No longer a virgin.
This procrastination.
The spread, the waste.
Time, thought, feelings.
Drained. Cactus. This cold.
A shiver, cold chains rest on my pockered flesh.
Goose.
Traverse the days and nights.
Alone I’ll stay. Cross legged.
Spouting bullshit.
Do you understand? Can you relate?
Hold me. Please.
Shivver in my company. Clammy, and crying.
Snot ridder, snivelling, wanting more.
needing less.
These needling thoughts pricking my mind.
Turning me into a prick.
Horrible, ungreatful.
Whine.
Wine and wane.
Gone from you, the warmth.
My ideal. The touch of my soft hands.
The back of my knuckles on your cheeks.
the jokes I didn’t tell.
Retribution.
The altered state of your laughter.
Remembered? But when!
Vibrate. Let your mind resonate, encapsulate those special moods.
The magical moments when all from the past is remind!
Dredged up. Pete and all.
Classic”, the girl you didn’t kiss. Because you’ve got to ride your bike.
The accents. The interpretations. The jests and the fun.
All for nothing if you don’t share.
Don’t reply, never repeat yourself.
Never ever repeat yourself.
Lie? Make the world your own.
Change your underpants.
Fly.

That plodding, sinking feeling.
The winding down.
The pang in the side

The hum and an squeeling.
Like the television
Has been left on.

Oh- my derailed mind.
The orange pips.
The pits of my sunken eyes.

Squeezed shut,
From pain on pain.
Rub and rub.

You can’t run or rub away.
The rabble of my mind.
The troup and troubles.

Cowbells.
Clanging, shop doors ringing.
Knocking and kicking.

BE CAREFUL WITH MY MIND.

Could I possibly,
sleep this off?
Could I rest from this unrest.

Arrest myself, into bed.
For the rest-
of tonight declined.

Reclined and inclined
to unwind the knot.
The knock knock… of my mind.

Help me.
Let me out.
So I might be free on the page.

But this spilt ink.
Tasteless, gutless, worthless.
Unplugged, spraying gushing.

“diarrhoea” “diarrhea”
I don’t know I am lost.
I want a rest. Longer than a day.
Sooner than a week.

Drown me in a bath of curry.
Laugh as you do it.
Shoot the book.
Fire the hot poker to my porkified skin.
Add salt to the wound.
Infect me no more, temples torn.
Blood ooze from my skull.
The my cranium be donate.
Forefeit!
Cast though the window of some museum.
Displayed for but a short time,
A night and the morning of a day.

Let me be discovered by Mathilde Lester.
Curator of here and or there.
Let me put my shoes on.

I should be elsewhere.
Let her visage crack.
Podium! Please.
Mount me on the wall.
Subconsious. Friend of mine.
Linked.
Smile, write the plaque.
Make it ironic.
Gold or silver, I care not for the font.

Brilliant.